BOWLING

He slides his fingers in the holes,
His hands are filled with the cold,
He stares intently down the lane,
As a drop of sweat hits the floor,
Staring the last pin down again,
Waiting for the perfect shot at fame,
He throws the ball down the lane,
And turns around to the screaming of his name,
The pin, the number seven pin,
Was the last of his victims to fall,
Now it's no more than a memory,
As the bars wipe it all away.

Author's Note

A little different this time.

Reviews

[SuperChick62]

A very interesting piece on an average event, capturing it a something beautiful that most people wouldn't think it to be. But then again, I bet in the day of transistor radios they didn't think the term poetic, we only do now because they're no longer used. So I always enjoy it when people capture ordinary events in art. One day, bowling may be poetic, and it's good that it's been captured by somebody.

My suggestion: You seem to have a style of writing that you use. Your poetry tends to look the same, same style. My suggestion is for you as an artist rather to this piece in particular. Try mixing it up. Do something different. Maybe an open poem, freeflow, fast paced. Look up different styles and give one a shot. This may be what you revert back to, but it might help you to grow as a poet and an artist to tr y new and different styles. Who knows, you might find one you like better.
This is based on the assumed fact you tend to write all your poetry the same way. If you've already experimented than good for you and my suggestion is void. But, that's how my suggestions work. They're either something you hadn't thought of or had and dismissed. I still like to make them. Food for thought.

M. Super

[Secondhand sunrise]

I had not thought of that. There is actually a hidden story in this poem if you catch it. I wrote all of these poems about the same time. Which may be why they sound alike. I have been writing stories more ever since.

[SuperChick62]

At first it almost seems sexual... But the "bars" line makes me think... Murder?

[SuperChick62]

P.S. I love the idea of a hidden story. Very nice. And writing them all at the same time makes sense. I was using my personal experience on that review. It was pointed out to me that all of my poetry was the same format and I hadn't realized it before. That's why I decided to mention it.

[Secondhand sunrise]

I can definitely see what your saying and I will take it into consideration in the future. Thank you.

[Secondhand sunrise]

Oh yeah, it's actually talking about a serial killer. Who got caught after his seventh victim.

[SuperChick62]

Yay murder! I got it right. (Who'd thought you'd ever hear that sentence?)

[Secondhand sunrise]

Haha yeah, pretty crazy huh.