BOWLING | | The Online Writing Community


A Poem by Secondhand sunrise

He slides his fingers in the holes,
His hands are filled with the cold,
He stares intently down the lane,
As a drop of sweat hits the floor,
Staring the last pin down again,
Waiting for the perfect shot at fame,
He throws the ball down the lane,
And turns around to the screaming of his name,
The pin, the number seven pin,
Was the last of his victims to fall,
Now it's no more than a memory,
As the bars wipe it all away.

© 2013 Secondhand sunrise

Author's Note

Secondhand sunrise
A little different this time.

My Review

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A very interesting piece on an average event, capturing it a something beautiful that most people wouldn't think it to be. But then again, I bet in the day of transistor radios they didn't think the term poetic, we only do now because they're no longer used. So I always enjoy it when people capture ordinary events in art. One day, bowling may be poetic, and it's good that it's been captured by somebody.

My suggestion: You seem to have a style of writing that you use. Your poetry tends to look the same, same style. My suggestion is for you as an artist rather to this piece in particular. Try mixing it up. Do something different. Maybe an open poem, freeflow, fast paced. Look up different styles and give one a shot. This may be what you revert back to, but it might help you to grow as a poet and an artist to tr y new and different styles. Who knows, you might find one you like better.
This is based on the assumed fact you tend to write all your poetry the same way. If you've already experimented than good for you and my suggestion is void. But, that's how my suggestions work. They're either something you hadn't thought of or had and dismissed. I still like to make them. Food for thought.

M. Super

Posted 5 Years Ago

Secondhand sunrise

5 Years Ago

Oh yeah, it's actually talking about a serial killer. Who got caught after his seventh victim.

5 Years Ago

Yay murder! I got it right. (Who'd thought you'd ever hear that sentence?)
Secondhand sunrise

4 Years Ago

Haha yeah, pretty crazy huh.

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1 Review
Added on August 15, 2013
Last Updated on August 15, 2013


Secondhand sunrise
Secondhand sunrise

I'm new here. I'll try to be honest with your work if your honest with me. Im happily married and am super excited to have a little girl on the way. And am writing my first novel. So "tune in, tune ou.. more..