TIME

TIME

A Poem by Secondhand sunrise

Trap it in a picture,
And keep it forever,
In your pocket or on a wall,
But never your hand.

© 2013 Secondhand sunrise



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I like the first two lines. And the third is okay, but I think the last sets the mood off
I think if you had left it at the third line it would be a nicer read. The style isn't all that's important, but I like the idea of ending it on "In your pocket or on a wall." Or even simply "In your pocket" might have sounded nice.

I really like the concept of this piece, and I like how it is what it is and you didn't feel like it needed more so you left it at what it was. I appreciate that a lot. Sometimes the best pieces are the simplest ones. My favorite poem is one verse long, too.

I like the idea. They capturing time in a picture to keep. Coming from one who has HORRIBLE memory, I love pictures. They allow me to keep my memories so I don't lose them. I take A LOT of pictures of almost everything. So much people would think it ridiculous so I love the idea of the poem.

And it's not like I don't like the last line. I think it's a good line and it fits the poem... I just personally like it better without it. I don't know if it's absolutely needed. But sometimes a poem has more than is needed because it's about what you want to say, not what I want to read. :)

M. Super

Posted 4 Years Ago


Secondhand sunrise

4 Years Ago

I have a horrible memory to. I'm glad that you liked it. I will have to take your suggestions into c.. read more
time can never be trapped. It goes to quickly before we know it tomorrow is here. good write

Posted 4 Years Ago


Secondhand sunrise

4 Years Ago

Time does go to quickly. I'm glad you appreiciate the idea.

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Added on August 15, 2013
Last Updated on August 15, 2013

Author

Secondhand sunrise
Secondhand sunrise

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I'm new here. I'll try to be honest with your work if your honest with me. Im happily married and am super excited to have a little girl on the way. And am writing my first novel. So "tune in, tune ou.. more..

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