PHOTO ALBUM | | The Online Writing Community


A Poem by Secondhand sunrise

I can take a picture of my life,
Of all the good times that I've had,
As a little baby laying in a crib,
Or of the day that I was wed.
I can put that picture in a box,
Or I could keep it in a frame.
In a flash it has disappeared,
And now I'm standing in the rain.
As the fire starts to spread,
And my memories go up in smoke,
A single tear roll down my face,
As I fall down to my knees.

© 2013 Secondhand sunrise

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wow .. very nice poem !
well done!

Posted 4 Years Ago

Secondhand sunrise

4 Years Ago

Thank you I appreciate it.
This is a sad poem - bringing to mind how so many things destroy our memories - both physical things and the things inside us.
Well done.

Posted 5 Years Ago

Secondhand sunrise

5 Years Ago

Thank you very much.
I really liked this piece. I lost my wedding and my "boyscout" pictures in a move and I was so pissed. I can't imagine losing them all to a fire. I would probably cry (why is explained in my previous comment.) Good job capturing that loss.

I love the flow of it, it's smooth and simple, allowing the emotions to take the lead. You rhymed but didn't rely on it to tell us what you had to say. Very good.

Now, I always like to try to make a suggestion in my comments because I might say something you hadn't thought of, but it also allows me to read critically. It doesn't change how I feel about a poem, it's just a thing I do. "A single tear rolls down my face," is a bit cliche. And people don't really shed a single tear out of sadness. One generally either cries to doesn't. I might suggest changing that line to fit what really happened or what would've really happened. Maybe "The tears roll down my face," or "The flame reflect the sorrow in my face," or something like that.

Very good poem it really captured me, mostly because it's a subject that would make me bawl. The idea of losing my pictures... *shudder*

Very good,
M. Super

Posted 5 Years Ago

Secondhand sunrise

5 Years Ago

That is a good suggestion. I will have to change that. Thank you.
looking into a photo album brings back many memories. the sweet and sour from yesterday. reveals itself to us again. good write

Posted 5 Years Ago

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4 Reviews
Added on August 15, 2013
Last Updated on August 15, 2013


Secondhand sunrise
Secondhand sunrise

I'm new here. I'll try to be honest with your work if your honest with me. Im happily married and am super excited to have a little girl on the way. And am writing my first novel. So "tune in, tune ou.. more..


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