Ares

 I once had a woman that I loved

before I married my machinery.

Her hair is light as golden grains

her skin seems made of moonstone

     she walks on the blue orb

to my left, the blazing slate of sun on my right.

 

I was employed to construct this world in the image of

our origin, for familiarity's sake

but when I gaze into the galaxy and faintly see her there

     I am struck with the thought

if this planet is just the same

     will I be the same sucker converting another?

When we've raped this scarlet rock

of everything we could.

 

     So I'm building an atmosphere.

I abandoned the woman that I loved

(light)years ago

after the patent for my first model was deemed by the UN

     "our most hopeful future."

In a short decade or two the neighbor planet

will be declared uninhabitable 

and beings upon beings will be shuttled to the home I have created.

 

My machines

my own race saving brilliance now a working force.

I see them scattered scooping,

     black pips across the ruddy rough terrain.

Out there

they scoop the red earth and diffuse

     coughing out greenhouse gasses.

 

As they scuttle and spew

a breathable air

I travel amongst my machines in a comfortably pressurized mobile.

     Simple supervision

I measure ice cap temperatures

and wait

for the water beginning to pool and clouds to gather and billow.

 

I reach the crest of where the sun can't touch

embraced in the darkness splattered with stars

     and I long to share such a sight with the woman that I loved.

But until rivers run and trees rise,

I will be the only one to continuously grace this planet's surface.

Lonely as I am

my mission is noble and necessary,

essential to the prolonging of life.

Our existence rests in my capabilities.

     Am I God?

Reviews

[EILEEN McGUINNESS]

This little gem reminds me of either watching an episode of the old star trek series with james.t.kirk or perhaps a cellestial journey we all make at nighttime.
You are a woman who seeks the love of another the one who can share the fairness of the fairer sex, this writing is wonderful,evocative and left me feeling stary eyed at the thought one day i will meet my maker in the heavens and that i will once again remain dust for the longerst time, although in a spiritual sense i will have never left the place i call home but will remain an invisible entity until i am asked to be re-born, the story reflects on time travel and the space we live in, nothing is real from the man made world but will in time be lost when there is a need for re-population or collonization of other worlds.

[Lorraine]

It has a futuristic and dreamy feel to it. I love your descriptions, simply because they tell your tell in such great vividness and accuracy. I love the concept too. I remember the rather cliched quote "With greater power, comes greater responsibility." Indeed, doing something noble is worth all the sacrifices that follow.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Gary McDonald]

Brilliant doesn't begin to describe this piece. The others have pretty much said it all, but i completely agree. Your writing, your creativity, your genius, it is all so incredible. Possibly my favourite piece on this site, so far!

[Jeff Miller]

This is a diamond. Amazing job, I will cherish the words for a long time.

[M. Amphet Salt]

Wow. Best piece of poetry I have read in a while. You thought here is great concept I actually can relate too, now. The metaphors are wonderful. The abstract form places it on a different level of consciousness and that is where modern poetry needs to be.

I have Greco-Irish ancestory, and Greek myth w/relevence to history was my minor in college. I love the cultural Ares myths of Thebes.

[Twilight]

This is highly original and creative, whilst also featuring aspects of different writing genres. It's also rather thought-provoking and deep. The protagonist here is not really supposed to be God, although it made me think that humankind has adopted a few God-like attributes. Indeed, scientists can create simple life-forms, and exploit distant realms - using advanced technology (created by scientific expertise).

This reads likes a homage to the achievements of science, whilst also raising some philosophical themes and questions. Thankyou, for sharing this with us!

[Leap]

This is so good.

[Leap]

When you leave I will be sad but I'll deal because you will be back. One thing you should do for me is stay on this site so I can read your writing anytime I want. Sorry I haven't been on a lot lately but I plan to read more...Anyway, back to the task at hand...One of my favorites, this one. The opening line is everything. I'm envious that I didn't think of that specific verbage. The flow is masterful and my favorite thing about your writing shines all the way through...the vocab. The bouncing sounds. The rhythm. And of course, the final question. No one should read this and not be blown away.

[jesseseraph]

God is whoever writes themself into Being, ergo thou Art.

[DavidRyan]

This reminds me a lot of "The Watchmen" and Dr. Manhattan......I hate relating someone's personal piece of art with something of media, but that's honestly what came to mind. I love the last line "Am I God?" Brilliant. Everyone is a god, in their own right. It doesn't matter who or what you're lording over, it's the fact that you are. The way you use language in this piece, the format of it all, almost makes it read off way TOO easy. I loved it. The idea of leaving behind this perfect love to save humanity and hoping it benefits others although it's not the thing that's making him (or her, I guess the narrator has no sex) happy in a personal way. Such a hard thing to do -- sacrificing your own happiness for someone else. Well done, dear.