I Did Not Casually Wonder

It still needs some tweaking, and it's quite a revealing poem, but I must publish this now.

I did not casually wonder

if living life was right for me,

as if it was a thing to ponder

as I played philosophy.  

It was considered deeply,

and for years and years,

while anguish, pain, and torment

stormed on between my ears.  

Life was the greatest riddle,

and I would prove my merit

by solving the grand enigma,

if my wits could bear it.  

And if I could not bear it,

I'd never be satisfied,

So I would abide by logic

and die by suicide.  

However,

I never solved the riddle

and yet, I am still here.

An objective why alludes me

but my courage is sincere. 

I'll always be a ponderer

but in different way,

for my wits can serve a purpose

now, knowing that I'll stay.