The Bitterroot Pond

Reworked poem from too long ago

 A wisp of a specter is smoldering

in ghastly depths of the Bitterroot pond.

For forty years, she’s been shouldering

chafing chains of an unbreakable bond.

Slick green frogs and snakes slither.

Death rattles as she’s wringing her withers.

 

Weaving through weeds and bulrushes

twilight’s creeping in whispers and hushes.

There’s an old hag who’s coming to call

with scraggy hair, in a grey flannel gown.

Yea verily, she was once the belle of the ball.

Gliding sprightly as eider down.

 

Shuffling her way, to the everglade’s edge,

she reclines, by the brink of the pool.

The ghost slinks through the marshy sedge,

slipping closer to the essence of cruel.

The spirit glares up at the wizened face.

as her dynamic force gathers pace.

 

The nymph bursts from the scummy bog.

the woman’s mouth gasps to gaping agog.

She’s yanked into stagnant black water.

and drowned by her long ago daughter.

 

Staunched tears from a wily weeper.

She drags her mother still deeper

anchoring her to a cypress root.

She’s now the underpinned brute.

Shackled with decades of chains.

and drowned by her ‘ill gotten gains’.

 

Yes, it took more toil, than the wave of a wand,

but she’s forever free of the Bitterroot Pond.

 

©Penelope Allen

08/02/09

Reviews

[J.P. Bristow]

wow-the imagery her was gruesome and yet freeing....would that it were so easy...lol great write!!!

[Penelope Allen]

Regan - first off - many thanks to you for taking the time to review this reworked poem. I smiled when I read your comment about 'forced' rhyming. I'm one of those writers who adore rhyme and use it with abandon. I'm now curious as to which rhymes jangled your reading sensibilities. No - I'm not miffed at all - just respectfully enquiring.

Bea! Poe?? Bite your tongue! :-)

[ReganFinch]

Hello there Penelope!

I really enjoyed this effort. Your descriptive talents are mesmerizing and dense (in this case, it is a high compliment). Your work breathes through its wide and cumbersome subject with a professional ease. Also, you have an interesting style and stature - one that should be lauded.

I do feel, though, that some of the end rhymes were forced (this was my first impression, but I have no doubt that you planned each and every word carefully).

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this poem for its immense quality and tone. You truly have a talent, Penelope. I hope to read more from you soon. Take care!

[Beatrice Boyle (Grandm..]

Wow...for a moment I thought I was reading Poe!

Loved this Pen...and as an expert on living with the dead so to speak....they NEVER come back!
So this hussy is gone for good!!

Hate to tell you the image this conjured up for me...someone we know hoisted by her own petard!!

Love ya,
Bea