Truth be told

I don't know why this happens.

A moment I am happy then I am sad
In a minute so determined then in another I am not.
I start working with focus and then have an unfinished task,
Talk to others sounding productive, coming home feeling like trash.
Smart and determined in the morning, hopelessly overthinks in the evening.
Wearing comfortable clothes and smiling before leaving home, feeling like the closet threw up on me when I am walking on the road.

Why is being human hard?
Why can't I see the good in things without doubting if I deserve it?

Am I too ambitious to consider my life not so bad right now?
I know my dreams are realistic but impossible for me, yet to others it's free

Why can't I see my "achievements" as wonderful as everybody else does?
Why do I interpret their compliments as mockery?

Why is my head to noisy when I am alone?Why, in my own house, I never feel at home?

The thing is I have set expectations based from what they always ask of me. I never had the chance to build my own for my own life. I pray one day I'll have the courage to walk my own path and feel no guilt from their disappointment. I will do my best so in the future nothing will compromise myself anymore