Sunday School

Sunday School

No one cares about these boring stories
Not even the teacher with her droning voice
Who doesn't see that kid picking his nose
Or hear those two girls whispering
With their eyes dead set on me

I'll give those snotty little girls a show to talk about

Checking for clearance, I glance toward the teacher
Then lift my dress up to my slender waist
All eyes are wildly intent upon me now
While I slowly open my legs

A mischievous grin graces my lips
As my hand reaches down between my thighs
Amusingly, some look on in horror
But the others... Well, they want more

So I pull aside my ruffled undies
And show them what is missing
My sneer, no longer a tease
Dares them to remove their eyes from me

For I despise their polished smiles
Their perfect families
And adoring fathers
Now I lead this sick charade
This broken dance
Leaving nothing behind of innocence

A startling shrill cracks the air
Finally drawing the teacher's attention
Away from that book
Who follows the accusing finger pointing at me

Defiantly I meet that mask of revulsion
And feel my arms nearly ripped from their sockets
Erupting laughter fills my reddening ears
As I am drug out kicking and screaming

It's into the Bishop's lair for me
Where a barbed crown is shoved firmly
Around my unworthy, tainted head
And his inquiring gaze leaves track marks
Upon my used and dirty flesh

His knowing silence mocks my pain and so I sing to him

"I am a child of god
and He has sentenced me
to a life of wasted misery
with parents cruel and fierce

Beat me, rape me
Tower above me
Put me in my place
Teach me all that I must do
to live in fear and rage"

Sent from my iPad

Reviews

[Nerf]

Uhh this is piercing, so raw and riveting. The part you cover so well is the stuggle not only the external one with the society she's surrounded with but her internal struggle that her past and present tortures her with. Great poem, definitely makes the reader open his/her eyes. I do enjoy the way you write, its not always rainbows and butterflies you tell the harsher truths many wish to overlook.

[Michelle Coleman]

I often struggle with rainbows and butterflies in my writing. Every now and then I will surprise myself. 😊

There is so much ugliness in life denied or ignored by others because it is so uncomfortable. I am happy that you enjoy my writing so much. Thank you, Nerf, for your encouraging words.

[Nadia B.]

Firstly I am so sorry for the pain the person in the poem/you experienced, no child should have to suffer such abuse and it is brave of you to share this, and with such raw emotion. It takes courage to open peoples eyes and just like the girl in the story "Dares them to remove their eyes from me," you do the same with your poem. It is always sad to hear about how people have been tortured by other people, whether those people are a persons family, friends, or part of an organization/religion. Yet obviously with an organization/religion there is always the difficulty of separating the people from the beliefs, for not all the people actually follow the beliefs properly or they distort them or there is a lapse in the beliefs themselves. As a child it is almost impossible to separate and understand all these things, especially when connected to so much pain. I always have difficulty...wishing for those who were abused to have felt the same safety and sense of peace as those who attended Sunday School with what you mention as being "polished smiles." You make a good point of how damaging those smiles can be for those who have suffered, as well as the "knowing silence." I hope for the person the poem is about that they found justice for crimes committed against them, that their life has improved, and they no longer suffer that torment. What was done was not right, and I believe in Sunday Schools that help protect children from abuse like this, not those that rub it in their face. ..For some things we suffer, from others we are saved, from everything we learn, and I always believe that seen or unseen justice finds a way. I hope the little girl who sang that song can now finally sing this one... "I am a child of God, and He has sent me here, has given me an earthly home, with parents I no longer fear." Wishing you all the healing in the world, please keep writing and sharing and being one the bravest people I now know.

[Mitch Allison]

while i think i can safely assume this is addressing the perversion of organized religion, i find your later pieces speak of a god with more reverence. what changed?

[Michelle Coleman]

Yes, the perversion is addressed, but the sexual assault experienced was the reason for this poem. Though the abuse suffered was very much colored by religion. It was always difficult to separate the two.

So, what has changed? Have time for some coffee? 😜 I left the religion of my youth and the accompanying God over twenty years ago. Afterwards, I became an atheist for seven years. Little by little, I noticed myself becoming more agnostic. Though, if I were honest, I would tell you I always was. From that time to the present, I have had to completely reastablish a personal spirituality that works for me. It has been a very long and rough road, but it is smoothing out.

That is about it in a very tiny nutshell.

[Mitch Allison]

thanks for sharing. i agree there is no uniform format for spiritual growth. everyone should formulate their own practices and beliefs, it helps to solidify one's identity and makes one think without the "safety net" of inherent doctrine.

[Michelle Coleman]

I fully agree. 😊

[RiverRei]

This is heartbreaking, powerful, and lovely all at the same time. I've been through similar dealings myself and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm proud of you for rising above it and being able to use it in as a creative outlet. I never had to deal with the church part of life because my family stopped going when I was really little, but I definitely had to deal with staring peers in high school when I began to get really depressed and started self-harming. It was a very difficult time in my life and it had a very similar affect on me when everyone would stare at me. Now I try to do the same and use my writing as an outlet instead of harming myself. I find it much more effective, and can even help others that have gone through it know they are not alone and can move past it themselves. Sorry for rambling lol. Thank you for sharing this with me, it is wonderful.

[Michelle Coleman]

Writing is such a powerful outlet for me. I like encouraging others speak out about abuse they have encountered in their lives. These topics should not still be taboo.

I don't mind the rambling. I know my work has a way of making people talk. I want it that way.

I am sorry to hear of your pain as well. Do you ever write about cutting yourself? How you have overcome? Or strive to, if that is the case?

[RiverRei]

Yeah I have a few poems about cutting and my past experience with abuse. It's really depression, but I feel it's also inspiring. I have posted a couple things here on writer's cafe if you would like to take a look at them!

[Michelle Coleman]

I will 😊 depressing does not scare me away.

[Zoomout]

This is just amazingly written and beautiful idea

[Michelle Coleman]

Thank you! It was more of a once painful memory. 😜

[wordman]

and I was there,and I saw it all
I go back from time to time to see if your still there

happy easter

[Michelle Coleman]

What do you mean?

[wordman]

I am full of crap,pay me no attention

[Sameer]

Beautiful, intimate and full of freedom. I liked the last lines" Beat me, rape me tower above me, Put me in my place, Teach me all that I must do to live in fear and rage" Started with a sensitive and sexual moment and opening up to the place for women in this world.

Full of beauty and strong voice...great work. Michelle

[Michelle Coleman]

Thank you. The last lines were recreated from a children's church song. The girl in the beginning is acting out against the sexual assault experienced in her home, which is lost on everyone else who turned a blind eye.

[Alessander]

To say this is raw, confrontational and sexually charged, is an understatement lol

This presents a very powerful scene, and there's a lot to nibble on, so to speak.

I really like the character, how defiant she is in what seems like a stuffy stepford wives private school.

I esp enjoyed these lines.

For I despise their polished smiles
Their perfect families
And adoring fathers
Now I lead this sick charade
This broken dance
Leaving nothing behind of innocence

It reminds me of that scene from Fight Club, where the repressed Edward Norton finally snaps and starts beating the s**t out of that pretty blonde and remarks, "I just wanted to break something beautiful".

This seems to share the same sentiment, but through sexuality instead of violence.

The last two stanzas are also ripe with S&M, but hey, that's what happens in repressed psyches, so I've heard lol

Very lively. Sensational.

[Michelle Coleman]

Thank you Alessander. I like the comparison you make between my character (me) and Fight Club. There is a bit of that desire to break something considered beautiful.

This scene is actually taken from an experience I had as a child while in Sunday School. I was raised Mormon and the bishops I had always protected the men and turned their eyes from the suffering of children.

[Jamie]

Basic Instinct instantly comes to mind!!!
Fantastic write :)

[Michelle Coleman]

Basic Instinct. Hahahaha I never made that connection. Of course, when I was a child, that movie was far from an idea. Thank you so much! 😄

[Jamie]

haha :) You're welcome :)

[mcg03002]

Jesus wants you for a sun-beam.

What a fantastic poem! I love your ability to weave dark humor, shocking imagery, and sadness into a tapestry of words that makes me smile and cringe at the same time. You're a very talented writer. Please keep these poems coming....but, for the love of heavenly father, get effing chapter two DONE AND POSTED!

[Michelle Coleman]

Hahahahahaha I am working on it! 😂 and thank you. ☺️