Warning This Story is rated Mature and may contain material unsuitable for readers under 18.
Greg Anderson was tired, drunk, and angry. He was tired of living on the bad side of town, tired of the smell of humanity just outside in the streets, tired of the noise in the tenements. He fumbled with his keys absently as he walked up the steps leading to the barred glass doors. He had a job he hated, and he was coming to a house he hated, to the family he hated. As usual, the hallway was full of stains, a few people laying on the floor, and the sounds of animals living in the crawlspaces. He pulled the keyring from his jacket pocket, and attempted as well as he could in his state to find his key. It felt like hours, then came trying to find the keyhole in the half-lit hallway. He grinned to himself as he finally found it, feeling like he'd accomplished something great, just as the door was opened from the other side.
"Little shit! What did I tell you about screwing around with the door?" His son stood there, no more than seven years old, wide eyed as his dad said something in a whiskey laden snarl.
"Daddy! There was a monster here, I was looking to see if it was him again. He said that..."
"Shut up! Last thing I want to hear is more of your bullshit after dealing with other peoples bullshit all day." He threw his keys across the room, his hope of silence taken away by his son (though he never believed him to be his) and his stories about fairies and trolls. The house was clean, his wife detested him, and he knew it, and keeping the place clean was her way of pointing out what a slob he was. Muttering still, he trudged to the living room, cracking crayons and dropping his heavy, wet boots across his little boys new drawings. He looked at one for a moment, a picture of a monster at the doorway. He sneered, and twisted his foot under it. He chuckled, knowing his wife would bitch about that one.
"You stepped on the monster, daddy. It's a nice monster, but it..."
"God dammit! What did I tell you about lying!? Now lay down and draw or something...Daddy wants to sleep." He flopped down on his armchair, burns from his cigarettes covering the right arm, and beer stains on the left.
"Mommy said cussing is bad, and if you cuss, a monster will come take you away. I saw it, it told me I was a good boy for listening to mommy, and.." Greg groaned, turning his TV on, and the volume up, drowning out the constant yapping of "the little shit".
"ah..the game...I have money on this one..." He slurred out, coming to a state of awareness as his son tried to clean the brown mud off "the green monster in the doorway". He then sat down on the couch, drawing again.
"Mommy said that you need to order pizza for..."
"I don't need to do shit! Now be quiet!"
"But daddy, the monster said you shouldn't..."
"That's it! Get your paper, and write down what you've done wrong!" Every time the boy would do something wrong,or rather something Greg didn't like, he made him write it over and over, like his own teachers had made him do, He would think that if he could find a meter stick, the little brat would get the business end of that, too. His mother, on the other hand, would have him write down any time he did something good. Crap like that'll make the boy soft, he thought to himself, as he tried to see straight enough to watch the game.
"God damn refs! Are you blind!!!???" He screamed, as he threw his bear across the room. The little boy went to his room, not sure what to write. So he wrote what he did.
Daddy got angry because I told the truth. Mommy would be happy.
He muttered to himself, he must have dozed off, and now someone was knocking. The game was still on, it hadn't been that long.
"Go Away, god damn Mormons..."
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"I'm going to kick the shit out of whoever that is!" The little boy stepped out of his room.
"Daddy, Bad words, you shouldn't..."
"Shut the fuck up!
Bang. Bang.
"Oh, that's it. You've fucked up, pal!" He stumbled across the living room, infuriated. It better not be his wife, she isn't supposed to be off shift for another hour. And if the little shit ordered pizza on his own, he was going to get a blistered ass. "Who is it!?"
Bang. Bang.
"Alright, shit head, you wanna go or..." He flung the door wide, but his anger quickly changed to confusion. "What the fuck?" All he could make out was a big green body, a mouth full of teeth, and big bug eyes. "Trick or treat or what, asshole?" The thing leaned down, snarling through mossy teeth as it spoke.
"WHAT DID MOMMY SAY ABOUT BAD WORDS, YOUNG MAN?" Thick saliva poured out of it's maw as it opened wide. It was then that Greg the man knew he was, in fact, the one that "fucked up". It's jaw slung loose, revealing rows and rows of jagged teeth and splashing thick sludge into Greg's face. In an instant, Teeth were all that he could see. It gripped his shoulders, forcing his beer-sloshed head into the gaping maw, and with a sickening chomp and a wet rip, it all went dark. But for just a moment, he felt so much lighter.
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It slowly pushed a door adorned with pictures of dinosaurs and superheros open and glanced at the tiny boy coloring away oblivious to the crunchy fate his father had succumb to. The sound startled him as he glanced up, but he quickly changed from scared to pleased as he jumped to his feet.
"You brought pizza! I love you mommy!"
"And I love you too, sweetie. Let me see your paper for today." She smiled widely as she sat the pizza down on the kitchen counter and picked up a rag and a bottle of resolve carpet cleaner. She hummed as she walked to the hallway and smiled as she knelt down at the doorway, scrubbing a stain away from her latest snack. The little boy walked up, handing her his paper, and some drawings.
"What are these, honey?"
"That's the monster that came by today, it said it would make sure that you brought pizza! It was really nice, but I think daddy was mean to It." She smiled.
"She dear, it was a lady monster." She looked through the papers, and finally got to her little boy's daily paper.
Today I told the truth, and now there is no more monster here!
She smiled, and hugged her little boy, and burped abruptly. Gagging for a moment, she stood up.
"I'm going to brush my teeth, I had something that doesn't agree with me." As she pulled a strip of what looked to be flannel out of her back teeth. "Enjoy your meal, sweetie...I did."
OH HOLY FRIJOLES! Wiping tears from my eyes so my coworkers don't think I'm freakin' nuts! You know if I were ever going to CHEER for a story ending - this would be the one! This puppy is tightly written - dead on in its ending and delivered with such precision. You have a gem here. My heart instantly did everything it was supposed to do - loved the boy - hated the father - and that ending BRAVO!
Going in my favorites.
Haha! That to me was scary humor. Very well written too.
One thing I noticed about some of it was the capitalization:
"ah..the game...I have money on this one..." He slurred out
I think you meant to capitalize ah and not he.
Just my opinion though. Thought it should be fixed. Great story though! I like how it wasn't the typical story, it's hard to find something different these days. It's like a great glass of water on a hot day!
That was a very enjoyable little romp. I always suspected my ex of doing things like that. Thanks for sharing, this piece definitely made me smile for a few moments.
I just had a wonderful sitting. I did notice a few spelling mistakes, but the overall presentation defeats those tiny bits. I liked the flow you had from the beginning and how accurate you were with the father which seemed more set in reality than a simple fictional character. It reminds of the "Reap what you sow" saying. It never felt too long or too short; "just right" as someone might say. The last thing I expected was the actual role the mother played in this short story. Keep up the good work!
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
Oh my goodness.
My heart went into shock towards the end. lol. I was expecting the ending to be something along those lines, but not exactly what it ended up turning out as.
I laughed out loud at the end, truly.
Utterly fantastic.
I really don't think I have anything else to say. Oh. Actually just kidding. I do have one bit of advice for you.
I was thinking the pace seemed a bit off, or just a tad bit fast. I don't know how you would fix that, and I'm probably the only one who noticed it. But even if you leave it as is, it's wonderful. :]
NICE job. :]
<3hiL.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
I love the irony and personification in the story. This could be a story in one of those books of horror stories. It shows what a mommy really can do.
hahaha...That's the key, "Always Listen to Mommy" This story would definately be a great MONSTERS Episode. I used to watch that all the time with my mom. This story was really good. Although I don't know how she could have possible enjoyed eating something that was so obviously nasty and vile.
Move over Stephen King! You finally met your match, hehe.
Love the way you portray the mother and son relationship. The dad isn't unusual in that a lot of fathers end up sporting that kind of alcoholic personality. This touches on a bit of the supernatural and that gives it a lot of flavor. Good luck in the contest! You have my vote!
I am a published author in the Horror genre. Thus far, my publication credits include "Shadows In The Snow" in the summer issue (#3) of Shroud: The Journal of Dark Fiction and Art, "Open House" in the.. [more]