How 'Bout a Lift?

Urban legends mix in a story about a hitchhiker, a girl with a fast car, a diner, some blood, and sammich wrap, all thrown together on a hot Texas highway.

     As crazy as a normal person may think it is, people still hitchhike. Even in a world filled with urban legends of highway killers and hook-handed madmen it is still a strong option when a person is desperate. If you don't have a ride you may be willing to take the chance, especially under the hot sun of a Texas summer day. Cherri was one of those people. With an almost giddy outlook on the future, the young woman just finished her life with her boyfriend and her family. Now, at long last, it was time to move on...and that meant getting as far from Deitert Creek as she could.

     Kelis, just fresh from a week long trip out west was driving, just driving, until she felt like she couldn't anymore. Hiking, riding, and camping at the nearly forgotten Campbell Lake, just a few miles north of a piss ant little town called Blueflag with a group of people that could only delicately be called "conservative Christians". She was glad to be rid of the stress and of the people. Now her only goal was to drive.

     It was a hot day, the sun beat down in unforgiving fashion without a hint of a break short of sundown. The last few cars that had gone by had been less than hospitable. Ranging from the jet black charger that barreled past her without even breaking, to the truck full of idiots shouting the typical redneck battlecry of "Show us yer Tiddies!". She wondered for a moment if that, in all of human history, had ever actually worked. Following that, the silence brought her a sense of ease, only the sound of the backpack rocking and the gravel moving underfoot . In the distance Cherri heard the low hum of a small car, a nineties model Toyota, causing her to throw her her thumb up and, as if pressing a magic button, the Toyota slowed to a stop.

     The silence was driving Kelis nuts, seeing as she hadn't caught the sound of a station on the crappy factory installed tape deck for hours. This girl would at the very least be good for a little conversation, and it could be good karma to help a fellow traveler. She stopped and backed up to where Cheri was standing.

     "Where you headed?" Kelis asked as the window slid down.

     "As far as you'll take me." Cheri said with a smile as she wiped the sweat off her face.

     "Sounds good to me. Hop in. You can put your stuff in the back seat. The trunk is full so..." Cherri took a moment and zoned out for just a moment. She finally snapped back to attention as if the words took a moment to register.

     "Oh! Oh, right, thanks!" She smiled as she lugged the pack off her bare shoulders, worn red from the long walk. Clearly it was a long walk though, sunburn had set in hours ago and the pack left the tell-tale signs of white skin between the sunburns. Kelis wasn't doing much better. Thanks to the sun's rays magnified through the window for the last few hours, she had earned a very nice "farmer's tan" on her right side.

     Cheri took her seat and heaved a heavy sigh of relief. Air conditioning, man's greatest invention. "Well hi, my name is Cheri. You have no idea how glad I am you stopped! I've been walking for hours today." She laughed to herself as she closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the artificial cool blasting from the dashboard.

     "Glad I could help." She smiled as she fumbled with the stereo. "Damn, I can't get a damn thing on this radio and I haven't talked to another human being since I left the camp I was working at. My name is Kelis." For just a few moments there was quiet, only silent appreciation for the company of another person. After that though, the conversation kicked up, ranging from the topics of where they were from, where they were going, crazy things in the news, and so on until dark.

     "I know!" Cheri exclaimed. "That is so crazy that someone could do something like that, and in a library of all places! When I was a kid I used to go there all the time." Kelis nodded towards Cheri, all the while keeping her eyes on the road. There wasn't a great need to though, as the roads had varied little since she picked Cheri up hours ago.

     "Yeah, glad that crazy stuff like that doesn't happen often...but when it does it's big. Hey, we should stop soon, it's pretty late and we've been driving for a while. Wanna stop at one of these rest stop places and get a bite to eat?"

     "Sure, I'm not in a hurry." Cheri said as she nervously glanced back towards her pack. "Think I should go ahead and put the pack in the trunk though, I mean you don't think anyone would steal it from in here, right?"

     "No way! Besides the trunk is really stuffed with personal stuff. Embarrassing stuff kinda. You could just bring it in though."

     "No, that's alright...it should be fine in here. It'd look more suspicious to carry it in with me."

     "Ooh, so you robbed a bank and are keeping the cash in the bag, right?" They laughed

     "Yeah, something like that, sure." She smiled as she glanced back at the pack nervously.

     There wasn't much at the rest stop, but there was a nice little restaurant and it wasn't terribly busy so they got fed faster than expected. Kelis had to go to the bathroom, so she excused herself and nervously went into the strange new world of rest stop bathrooms. Finally though, curiosity got to Cheri. She told the friendly woman at the counter that she'd be right back and proceeded to run to the car. After a few moments of fumbling, she managed to get the trunk popped. With a quickness of a bandit she ran to the back of the car and threw the trunk open. Her eyes widened as the coppery smell of blood flew into her face. Before her lay a pile of bloody sheets with what could only be described as the majority of a man's head, some of a body, and a bloody machete. She slammed it shut and in horror she stood there for a moment, silent with her mouth wide begging to release a scream. The smell was horrible, the heat from the trip had only made what would have been disgusting even worse. It dawned on her suddenly that she could be next, and with that she slammed the trunk shut and ran back inside.

     The Bathroom was horrible, but not as bad as it could have been. Kelis walked back to her booth with a bit of a relieved glide. It wasn't the worst thing she'd seen lately, but it was a close second. Just imagining what the men's side must have looked like almost got rid of her appetite.

     "It's a bit scary in there, but at least the phone was clean. One time I tried to use a phone at one of the places and there was a big wad of what I thought at first was gum, but it turned out to be...

     "I'll be right back!" Cheri blurted as she ran for the bathroom. Kelis just looked on in a questioning silence as Cheri stumbled to get out of the booth and to the bathroom. Kelis shrugged, stood, paid the woman at the counter and walked to the car, ready for another leg in the drive to someplace.

     "Come on!" Cheri whispered in a panic as the phone just kept repeating 'Please insert two more coins for this local call'. No luck, she had to figure a way to get the hell out of the situation with the psychopath at the booth. She slowly peeked out of the bathroom and then out the glass doors of the diner. Once again, no luck. Kellis' car was still there but the back door was open, and it looked like her pack was gone. "Son of a bitch! My gun! She got my gun." Cheri thought over and over. The gun was now in the hands of Kelis, along with everything else in the pack. She needed a weapon. The trunk was still unlocked though, she remember as much. If she could deal with the body she could grab that machete.

     Quickly, she ran to the car, doing her best to stay low as she threw the trunk open. With a hushed scream she pulled the bloody blade out of the pile of goo that was once a person. Cheri looked around for a moment trying to find either help or Kelis. Strangely, there was no sign of either. That all changed as a scream echoed from the side of the restaurant . Shaken, Kelis came around the corner of the restaurant and saw Cheri wielding the bloody chopper.

     "You sick bitch! What the hell is wrong with you!?" Cheri screamed at the wide eyed Kelis.

     "With me? What the hell is wrong with you!?" Kelis threw the black backpack, minus one gun, at Cheri. The still unzipped pack struck her, spilling the contents to the parking lot below. A pack of cigarettes, a notebook, some ladies products, and one bloody human head wrapped in cellophane, complete with a two inch exit wound caused by the black handgun now firmly in the grasp of the cute brunette with a look of mad fury. "You were walking around with a fucking human head in a backpack!" Only then had Kelis noticed her trunk was open and her machete was now in the grasp of the nut with a buddy in a bag.

     "Oh! Like driving along with one in your trunk is that much better!?" Constantly wiping her blond hair out of her face as she shouted, Cheri clenching the blade as hard as she could. "Who the fuck was it? Another hitchhiker or some sick shit like that?!"

     "Like the head you have in a bag there? Was that the last moron that was stupid enough to pick you up!?" Just then they both noticed the red and blue lights starting to flash as they pulled in on the top of a shining black-on-white DPS car. As if by instinct they both ran into the nearby wooded area. The officer in said car however was not there because of the women. He was just there for a cup of coffee before driving back home and didn't even look in the direction of the human remains or of the scrambling women. Not a notice of anything until the screaming voice of a bullet shook him from his blissful ignorance.

     Doug Tamblin was on his last legs as a cop. Over the last few years his blood pressure had been getting the better of him and he was getting sick of dealing with the same old crap each day. He figured he'd end his night dealing with a nice hot cup of joe before heading home to enjoy a big dinner. Apparently his mother in law was in town, and that meant chicken friend steak. However the steak would clearly have to wait just a little longer.

     "Horseshit! What the hell!" he ducked behind his car and started for his two-way radio. He watched from behind his old grand marquee as one of the women ducked out and shot at him twice more. Then she stopped as she was pounced from behind by a second woman wielding a large knife.

     "Hot damn, now there's another one, two women and she looks as nuts as the first! I need help out here now dammit! Sheila, I know you're listening, get off your ass and get me some backup!" Like a kid in an R rated movie he watched in awe. Mortified, but unable to look away.

     Cheri lunged at Kelis, bringing her down and driving the machete into her left arm. The gun however, was in the right and Kelis managed to pump a shot into her left leg. In the strange dance, neither seemed to notice.

     "You were going to pick me up and kill me out in the middle of no place you whore!"

     "You were going to shoot me in the head as soon as I passed out or turned around or something! Fuck you!" The fight was brutal and officer Doug Tamblin had never seen two people in this kind of state. A few hacks in, and an arm was gone. A couple more shots and the other girl had a hole in her that was big enough to park a Vespa in. The whole time, they just kept screaming about the other's plan to commit another murder which, in a strange way, they both managed to pull off but not without some effort, a lot more blood, and a good five minutes of Doug belting out profanity to his dispatcher.

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     "Officer, we're sorry you were unable to do much here, but at least we have an end to the things they were doing." Midnight and darkness had finally taken the small outpost of society. With the exception of the starts, the only workable light was coming from the failing diner sign, and the red and blue waves coming from the police cars. In the distance though two police officers could be heard gagging as they sifted through human remains.

     "Oh man, is this an elbow or a lung, I've never seen a hackjob like this! Did these chicks eat grenades or something?"

     "Just keep picking that crap up, officer Ashley. I'm sure someone will give you a napkin. Anyway, that's it for what these two were up to."

     "What do you mean?" Doug asked his sergeant.

     "Well, the one girl, Kelis Parker had been wanted for questioning in that crazy murder spree out at Campbell Lake, and Cheri Rede was wanted for three deaths. Both her parents and her boyfriend. We found his head though, that mess wrapped up in sammich wrap. It was missing till just about an hour ago." He chuckled while Doug just looked mortified. "Anyway, Kelis' manager is the one in the trunk there. Couple of crazy women I tell ya. No connection to one another, but apparently the came in together. Guess that Cherri girl was hitchhiking or something, because she didn't have a car in her name, and she didn't steal one. But what kinda screwed up chicks carry bodies around for a week? Sure, they weren't whole bodies, but I mean damn, that head should have smelt horrible if it wasn't for that sammich wrap."

     "Hell, you think they planned on killing each other like that?"

     "Nah, most likely they got curious, looked at one another's crap, and figured 'Hey, now this bitch is crazy.' Eh, well at least we got em..most of em. Need a lift?"

     "Nah, I'll drive myself...for no on. In fact, I'm going to go arrest a hitchhiker just in case they're smuggling heads. Women, Fairer sex my ass." Doug got in his car and started his long ride home. He didn't plan to pick up any drifters though. He just kept thinking over and over that if anything in the world can go right, his steak won't be covered in Sammich Wrap when he gets home.