The Ram

The Ram

A Poem by Phoen-ix

I found myself
lost, wandering
within the Pines
Came across a sorry, lying
drunkard, with fish hooks for eyes
I got down on both knees
and begged a stranger for direction
He pulled out a map from his breast pocket 
and handed me 
his compass
Promised he could not lead me
to absolution
but guaranteed a safe journey back to sanity
Turning to ash, 
there stood a ram before me
 and I followed the lone animal to the wood's edge
It turned to look at me with confusion,
desperation, in its eyes
before charging, 
horns tilted downward, off a cliff
And there I stood
at the wood's edge
map and compass still in hand


© 2017 Phoen-ix



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Featured Review

Oh, well this is a treat to read, something different, something immersive. A great little almost flash fiction. If I would suggest you focus on anything it would be that the whole piece is 'telling' and because it is almost a tale, if you used language that 'show' what is happening I really feel that this poem would jump in leaps and bounds and be something really quite special.

An example ...

'I got down on my knees' could be,

Falling hard onto my knees,
begging a strange man for direction.

Does that make sense?


Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very satisfying to read, like a song in pure fiction. I'm lost in your fish hooks for eyes, and I'm wishing I could see the sight at by the wood's edge. You're incredibly gifted. KWP has a solid suggestion, but whether you choose to integrate it or not you've got a a nice style!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Oh, well this is a treat to read, something different, something immersive. A great little almost flash fiction. If I would suggest you focus on anything it would be that the whole piece is 'telling' and because it is almost a tale, if you used language that 'show' what is happening I really feel that this poem would jump in leaps and bounds and be something really quite special.

An example ...

'I got down on my knees' could be,

Falling hard onto my knees,
begging a strange man for direction.

Does that make sense?


Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this, there's just a vagueness to it; possibly on purpose, that made me sort of read it again. I like the overall story and the fact that the promise was made, but i get the feeling maybe there's more to this or something i'm overlooking. Overall i liked it, your command of the language makes it easy to read.

Posted 8 Months Ago



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4 Reviews
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Added on March 14, 2017
Last Updated on March 14, 2017

Author

Phoen-ix
Phoen-ix

Toronto, Canada



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Freakshow Freakshow

A Poem by Phoen-ix