My Pride

She doesnt understand why I do this nor could she. My love just smiles and tells me to ignore ignorants. They said nasty things to her but she didnt care. Thoughs blue eyes of cant stop me now.

Brother Wrath envoked me to do this, sister greed taunted me from behind. Red rage filled my vision. Now they call me words unfit for even the worst enemy. Sister Lust reminds me of unending passion of the fight, Sloth yells for me to spring into action. Envy shows me what i want to see and Gluttony Screams for more.

Off my bar stool I come swinging wildly, blood red in my vision. Fists and feet snap, crack, bleed. Pain drives them all. Six on one, Five on one, four on one. I hear a scream, I turn and see my love. I see another guy with a knife to here neck. He yells something I cant understand, I feel myself push forward as the knife does its work. She tries to scream, no sound is heard. Her attackers neck is now at an impossible angle from my hands.

I wrap my beloved in my arms, I see the horror I caused in her face. Her eyes go from Blue to grey. Now I realized what I have done. My brothers and sisters didnt envoke me. I was the first, I am stronger. I am everything putrid in men.

I am Pride and i just killed Hope.

Reviews

[Raylene]

I loved this! I honestly got goose bumps. Like the others say - Haunting. The way you incorporated the The Seven Deadly Sins was genius! I agree with Stella about the typos. Sometimes I read what I write backwards to find what needs to be corrected. I also have a couple good links for punctuation rules I go to ALL the time, just message me and I'll send them to you if you're interested.

This was beautiful..........

[stella_lemurum]

I thought this was interesting, and haunting. I really enjoyed the seven deadly sins imagery. It gave me shivers, as did the last paragraph. I must say, though, that there were a lot of either typos or uncorrected mistakes. Just read it over carefully, and you'll probably catch most of them. I sort of wish you had edited it a little better, because it almost detracted from the beautifully haunting extended metaphor you've written. I think I liked the entire story, though as I've already said, the seven deadly sins imagery was my favorite part. "I was the first i am stronger." That line was perhaps the most effective for me. It evoked the sin itself, but it was also so sad in context. Altogether, a good job with a lot of potential.

[Victoria Harlequin]

Ooh, I like the seven sins.
Although this is still quite sad
Great write!
^_^