LIFE

 What is the life? I don't know.

What is it defines?...Does it match with my one,

I don't know a bit, though.

 

The sticks of happiness, I wanna hold,

But the hand turn, cold, as the time arrives.

When the bond of sadness feels  to be away,

Though never finds it away; but in me, in my stay.

 

What does the life mean ?What  it speaks?

What does it brings to me or takes away?

I Known nothing..but still am here.

and who really cares!

 

It's an unknown journey, on an unknown path.

I define it: Jumbled and stumbled in cobwebs,

A journey from door to door, from  heart to heart,

Sometimes they're diamonds in my world.

Sometimes, am shining in someone's world.

.

Gathering happiness, packin' them in bag

just to fed myself, when my soul begs for them.

Aa a star fades away, I find another,

but a lost moon then, doesn't get another.

 

The time sticks revolve and repeats.

But the time doesn't return back.

wishes I wanted to make, once,

Are unwished, unreleased, but no regrets,

'cos its life, teaching incredible lessons.

 

This is what a life is,

A sprinkle of happiness over boring food.

A drink with a bitter taste, good for health, sometimes.

 nature's boundless love, cared by rare

And a chase over beloved, where he no more  cares.

 

Author's Note

You're free to criticise....let me know, where i went wrong.

Reviews

[Pragati Chaudhary]

That was so apt and soooo good.
Beautiful. do keep writing!

[wordman]

a deep write,and your observations of life might be right on

[Priyanshi]

This is what I observe the life , sometimes.... Thank you so much sir, for the kind review.

[Great Aunt Astri]

I agree with Barleygirl. My favourite line is 'jumbled and stumbled in cobwebs, A journey from door to door, from heart to heart'. Your use of English, of course, is a bit different from my use of English. But if I were you, I wouldn't change it too much, because that might spoil the rhythm. Nice work.

[Priyanshi]

My pleasure maam, that you loved those lines....thank you so much, for lovely review.

[barleygirl]

As I read along in your poem, I get the same unexpected feeling as I do when life goes along, bringing new surprises each day. I love the way you state your observations about life in a humble way, becuz none of us really know life. We're all just trying to figure it out as we go along. I also like the way you set up pairs of ideas that contrast since life is full of contrasts. My favorite line: "A sprinkle of happiness over boring food." The power of your message grows & grows as the poem gets near the ending stanzas! *smile* Fondly, Margie

These two lines sound awkward, so I'll give you a suggestion to smooth it out . . .

"When the bond of sadness feels to be away,
Though never finds it away; but in me, in my stay."

"When the bond of sadness is slipping away,
it never feels completely away, but in me, a little bit of it stays.

ALL from stanza 3 . . .
line 1: "what it speaks"
should be: "what does it speak?"
line 2: "brings" should be "bring"
"takes" should be "take"
line 3: "known" should be "know"

Stanza 5, line 2: "fed" should be "feed"

[Priyanshi]

Yeah!...I agree with your words....and shall consider your suggestions...thank u for improving me and for the lovely review.
:)

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

lovely writtern... i like it, and i totally agree with ya...

[Priyanshi]

Hey, thank you so much...Glad to read your review:)

[Najam Us Saher]

Very deep analysis and philosophy about life, this is very thoughtful. I really liked it.

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much ,dear for lovely review
:)
:)

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome 😊

[Mavericks]

Wow. I didn't know that you are Philosophical too, Priya. You remind me of that Rajesh Khanna song. Lol. Zindaaaagiiiiiii kaise yeh peeeehli haaaayee...Kabhi yeh rulaaaaye kabhi yeh hassayee.....

[Priyanshi]

Am not philosophical..but a pakao girl..hehhehe....
Keep smiling:)

[Mavericks]

You ain't pakao. You are just chitty chatty.

[Priyanshi]

hahahaa...thnks
:)