10/31/13

exactly two years ago from the day this was written

Two years ago is when I sacrificed my innocence 

It was an unconscious choice that was made, and a month later put into action

The months to come after it were indescribable

I was living under the surface, hiding from the truth

I had made a mistake but I realize now that the mistake isn't what I thought it was 

The mistake I made was letting you get in my head and take control of my heart 

It wasn't the stuff that we did in my bedroom 

But I let it go to far and I was in too deep 

Two years ago

October 31st, 2013

Was the day I gave my innocence away 

 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love the honesty & vulnerability that you are sharing here. I think that, as a young person, this is pretty revealing . . . but also, it's nicely modest, while also making it clear exactly what you're talking about here. I like the way you put precedence over what has happened in your head & heart, as compared to what happened in your body. You've drawn a thought-provoking scenario that harkens each of us back to a time when we may have experienced something similar.

I think this is definitely going far enuf to accomplish what you want to do here. But I also feel this could go sooooo much further. As a confessional, the veiled references work well. But as a piece of writing, we want you to draw us a more detailed & fleshed out scenario of exactly what happened here, what it felt like, what was said, what was done, what went thru your head, how he acted afterwards that brought on this seeming regretful introspection. DETAILS is what makes a story really come alive & that's what we long for in a piece like this.

It can take many years of writing to be brave enuf to reveal yourself to a much more vivid extent. I'm not saying this story needs to be changed. I'm just saying that, in general, please stretch yourself to the point where you're almost burning with embarrassment becuz it feels like you're standing there naked in front of thousands of unknown people. Get used to that feeling. That's when the writing gets really good.

[Rachel]

Beautiful poem :) I was left wanting more details, more pictures, but I love the phrasing.