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10/31/13

10/31/13

A Story by heather
"

exactly two years ago from the day this was written

"
Two years ago is when I sacrificed my innocence 
It was an unconscious choice that was made, and a month later put into action
The months to come after it were indescribable
I was living under the surface, hiding from the truth
I had made a mistake but I realize now that the mistake isn't what I thought it was 
The mistake I made was letting you get in my head and take control of my heart 
It wasn't the stuff that we did in my bedroom 
But I let it go to far and I was in too deep 

Two years ago
October 31st, 2013
Was the day I gave my innocence away 
 


© 2015 heather



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I love the honesty & vulnerability that you are sharing here. I think that, as a young person, this is pretty revealing . . . but also, it's nicely modest, while also making it clear exactly what you're talking about here. I like the way you put precedence over what has happened in your head & heart, as compared to what happened in your body. You've drawn a thought-provoking scenario that harkens each of us back to a time when we may have experienced something similar.

I think this is definitely going far enuf to accomplish what you want to do here. But I also feel this could go sooooo much further. As a confessional, the veiled references work well. But as a piece of writing, we want you to draw us a more detailed & fleshed out scenario of exactly what happened here, what it felt like, what was said, what was done, what went thru your head, how he acted afterwards that brought on this seeming regretful introspection. DETAILS is what makes a story really come alive & that's what we long for in a piece like this.

It can take many years of writing to be brave enuf to reveal yourself to a much more vivid extent. I'm not saying this story needs to be changed. I'm just saying that, in general, please stretch yourself to the point where you're almost burning with embarrassment becuz it feels like you're standing there naked in front of thousands of unknown people. Get used to that feeling. That's when the writing gets really good.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Beautiful poem :) I was left wanting more details, more pictures, but I love the phrasing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love the honesty & vulnerability that you are sharing here. I think that, as a young person, this is pretty revealing . . . but also, it's nicely modest, while also making it clear exactly what you're talking about here. I like the way you put precedence over what has happened in your head & heart, as compared to what happened in your body. You've drawn a thought-provoking scenario that harkens each of us back to a time when we may have experienced something similar.

I think this is definitely going far enuf to accomplish what you want to do here. But I also feel this could go sooooo much further. As a confessional, the veiled references work well. But as a piece of writing, we want you to draw us a more detailed & fleshed out scenario of exactly what happened here, what it felt like, what was said, what was done, what went thru your head, how he acted afterwards that brought on this seeming regretful introspection. DETAILS is what makes a story really come alive & that's what we long for in a piece like this.

It can take many years of writing to be brave enuf to reveal yourself to a much more vivid extent. I'm not saying this story needs to be changed. I'm just saying that, in general, please stretch yourself to the point where you're almost burning with embarrassment becuz it feels like you're standing there naked in front of thousands of unknown people. Get used to that feeling. That's when the writing gets really good.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 31, 2015
Last Updated on October 31, 2015

Author

heather
heather

Wonderland , KS



About
What is an about me supposed to be filled with? A box that you can either choose to fill with words, or leave empty, making you feel that much more curious, or bored. Anyhow, I'm Heather, no that.. more..

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