"Mute Blueness"

"Mute Blueness"

A Poem by Steven


and you stop yourself 
standing in a frozen pirouette
with one foot 
lightly toeing the carpet
behind you
as the wind
hits the panes of glass
and 
a tree branch
follows soon after 
entering your room
with a crash

and the cat jets
in a blur of calico
under your bed
and you think 
after spinning around
and gaping for a moment
at the sight
with your hands
clasped over your heart
how you used to hide
in the same place
where you were told
monsters are

and your father
suddenly appears in your mind
like a tall
sludge of mud
with two dark stones
pressed into his clay face
for eyes

and it is all so real again
as the rain floods your window sill
drenching the carpet
and the musty smell
will soon rise
and the cat is still hidden
and the glass glimmers in
the bright gray sun
wetly

and the blue and yellow bruise
no longer under your eye
feels like your soul
did then
like a million small mice
squeaking in your heart
trapped paws
scurrying
away
but there is no away

and the winter feels nice
to you now
in big coats
without swimsuits
or beaches
and it feels good
the empty spaces
where you can sit
and no one on the bench
and no one beside
you on the train
and a twin bed

and if you cry
it might all
come out
and so you don't
ever 
cry 
even when things 
that you love fly
you just grow
another layer of bark
and you think
somewhere
under the rings
of armor
might be soft flesh
gold
freedom
peace

and you hope the mice have gone
but you can't tell anymore
it is so far away
and the rain is still falling
into your room
where no lover has been
just the cat
the harmless small cat
who can love
at a distance
confusing you
with god
for fish or chicken

and you wish
the rain drops 
pelting your floor
were really your tears
and somewhere
a cleansing would occur
and things would leave 
and things would fill that space
things you can count on
like luck
after wishing
or birthday candles
lit
by loving flames

and you pick up the sharp glass
and it is August
and the cat is still hidden
and you clench a piece
too tightly
and the thrill
of what you see comforts you
bleaches the pain 
and you stand there
and smile
thinking it is his
red rain
and not your own
and you wish hard
but no
fairies are not angels
don't have kindness
cannot smile
they are
come-at-night 
hermaphrodites

and you no more smile
watching the red
and back away
from the branch
obscenely
f*****g
your room
cumming wet leaves
and you mumble about
cleaning it up
knowing
there is no Clorox
no Lysol or soap
that they sell out there
in the happy shops
full of promises
to scrub your brain with

and one more Vicodin
chased with wine
offers
a tiny solution
to a mountainous
problem

and your shaking hands
are in your pockets
one in gauze
you keep around
just in case
and water washes
down
and down
the duct-taped
white garbage bag
beating the earth
beyond it
in small 
senseless 
patters





© 2015 Steven



Author's Note

Steven

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Featured Review

Each stanza of this poem forms such a breath taking image. Especially the one about the father, it just pushed forward in my mind. You have excellent word choice that creates rhythm and the connection between different images throughout the poem gives it a great flow and ties each stanza to one another. "standing in a frozen pirouette" what a beautiful image and also a strong metaphor for the entire poem. Usually with trauma the memory(ies) is cyclical and persistent, here, in your writing you have captured it as a moment in time.
Thank you for sharing

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

so much to say

you have a way with prose

When I can't sleep at night..this is the pattern of my thoughts. Random...silly...melancholy...crazy...funny....romantic....sad. Like watching a movie of me....my ideas fall like rain. I can relate to this...in an obscure sort of way. I think that's why I like this poem so much.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
that was really really great.
damn you writers. you people and your entertaining writings!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
this is very melancholic... and you're just bearing so much here... a lot of vulnerabilities exposed! a little different from the cryptic lock that needs cracking to get into your headspace?! haha. there is a part that just blew me away... "even when things you love fly you just grow another layer of bark"... that is astoundingly perceptive.. so many wonderful lines, I think anyone who reads this will be able to find something they absolutely love and add it to their lifetime list of quotes. thank you.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
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Ees
I really love that you start this with an "and" it is a nice choice!
As always you make interesting pairings with your words making the images all the more powerful.
I really love the bit about the cat loving from a distance and even confusing the "you" with god. so perfect. explains so much.

this is my favorite part:
"but no
fairies are not angels
don't have kindness
cannot smile
they are
come at night
hermaphrodites..."

Wild, ingenious work. The poem is so dark in a very good way. I usually don't like poems that describe someone's abuse and how they cope with it in their ways. They usually read across as phony work to me, trying to hard to make me feel something.... This is different. It didn't feel like you were forcing me to feel something with this, it was just well written and that in turn did bring me into the poem.

Wonderful job!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Steven

4 Years Ago

Great to read. Thanks Ees
Ees

4 Years Ago

no problem.
I mean it.
and the storm just keeps happening, and that cat just keeps hiding...

scary poem of truth...

i see remembrance of abuse here...the storm the father brought...

those stone eyes.

this is really good...

maybe a bit long for my taste...but even so, it worked so well as you revisited the feeling over and over again.

jacob

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Oh wow, a truly wrenching read, for anyone who has suffered your evovative imagery will stun them to the core, such knowing herein, I can't tell you how often I was blown away by it all, topped only by this verse below that tore right to my essence. Gosh...I love it when poetry does that.
This poem is an exceptional piece of writing Steven.
''and you no more smile
watching the red
and back away
from the branch
obscenely
f*****g
your room
cumming wet leaves
and you mumble about
cleaning it up
knowing
there is no Clorox
no Lysol or soap
that they sell out there
in the happy shops
full of promises
to scrub your brain with

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Steven

4 Years Ago

Thanks much, V
'and no one on the bench
and no one beside
you on the train
and a twin bed...'



Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is just so good, I keep reading it, listening to it. Wish some day I can write this good.
"trapped paws
scurrying
away
but there is no away..." is my favorite part. Just speechless.. I go over this poem reading it time n time again and always pause after that part, it hits me so hard. Great Write.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Steven

4 Years Ago

THANKS man
KeeD

4 Years Ago

haha No thank you, this is pretty inspiring :D loved it!
Dark, triggering and too close to home for me...frustrating, screaming, difficult bloody read. Well done...

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
This comment has been deleted by this poetry author.
*sigh* Shall I say it? Yes? Shall I? Would you like me to say it?

No. :-p

Oh, okay...I love your voice...there. Happy now?? ;-)

The subject matter is remarkably dark, but I think you did such a wonderful job with the pain. You truly are one of my absolute favorite writers, and not just on this site, Steven, of all time. Extraordinary. Thank you so much for sharing your talent with us.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Steven

4 Years Ago

THANK YOU, Kimmer, that is quite a compliment! And I'm really glad you dug this.

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22 Reviews
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on December 11, 2012
Last Updated on March 8, 2015

Author

Steven
Steven

NY



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