"I'm Wondering Now"

 

I like the man and the matches
and the way the strike smells
little swirls of gray amazement
that escape the moment I like the fear
that lasts just a second at the sight
and the associations and the pallor face
glowing softer unhinged a sort of rubber mask
now a bit of orange in the vanilla puddle
the drop of holy spirit eyes down some dark path

I knew you as a kid
we built card houses on dish towels
on kitchen tables
and made forts and you were my girlfriend sometimes
we were so beyond
adults until we became them
I have that rock
remember?

that purple water washed smooth stone
we found on the beach
still in my dresser drawer
I don’t need to look at it anymore
it’s memorized I just touch it
eyes closed
I roll it around in my palm
and feel the movement the falls
the tears and the bee stings I kissed for you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Lizanne]

"we were so beyond adults....until we became them." Love those two lines. So much the thinking of an an adolescent child.A beautiful poetic work of memories we keep and the small objects that stimulate them when touched or viewed.
A bit curious as to how the first part works in with the memories. The match hitting against the strike plate of its box, the grayness and smell of the sulpher (?) from the lit match. The look of pallor. This all stimulates the brain to think. But I wonder if this is a ceremony of some type. You do work that is well thought out, but almost contains a riddle. Great writing.

[Quill]

Beautifully written!

[Rain]

THIS is my kind of writing! I'm from the old Bohemian era. I like memories of dark alleys, broken glass, littered love. Words placed in such a way they cut to the bone. Everyone has those fleeting moments in time, but few can capture them in words. Nice work.
Btw: I reread "everyone's gonna get caught" and took your advice. I deleted that beginning. Man, it's so easy to over write..become too wordy.

[Steven]

Thanks buddy. Yes! I struggle with it myself. Trying to become more Ezra-Poundian :)

[Chris G. Vaillancourt]

beautifully expressed

[victoria]

I like this work, they could each stand alone, the first...that is exactly what happens and you capture it so eloquently ''little swirls of gray amazement
that escape the moment I like the fear
that lasts just a second'' exquisite.
The second was heartfelt nostalgia, had a wonderful sunday teatime melancholy about it for me.

[Elizabeth]

I dig the cadence and the jumbled up images in the first stanza. They tumble all over each other. Memories tend to do that. The second stanza is my favorite, though. It's undone and messy and has an almost beat vibe... without the pretentious bullshit. It's raw and the last line zings... I'm a sucker for a good last line.

[LJW]

The first half's imagery is intense. The second half seems an aside or a complete change of view; if intentional, it may or may not work according to the reader. Especially if trying to make a connection between the 1st and 2nd halves.

The second half is straightforward, conversational. I find it difficult to make the connection of the two halves; as I can make out perhaps you were thinking of your childhood memories while watching this character smoke?

I like where you ended up though.

[. serah .]

. phenomenal work ... my favourite lines are ...

"I knew you as a kid
we built card houses on dish towels
on kitchen tables
and made forts and you were my girlfriend sometimes
we were so beyond
adults until we became them
I have that rock
remember?"

[Angelic Darkness]

This is a beautiful poem of childhood memories that we all posess.