A Letter to Myself...

I'm sorry for making you feel like a disappointment. You used to be an A-student. Now, you're are barely passing. That's my fault.

 

You used to be strong, you know? You used to be independent...a lone wolf. Look at you now, I'm sorry for that.

 

I'm sorry that you couldn't hold onto friendships for too long. Even friends who weren't really friends, but more like family. That's my fault.

 

I'm sorry that you had to wear a smile everyday, even when you didn't want to. You were breaking apart, but I made you cover it up.

 

I'm sorry for everything you had to go through for being gay. All that criticism and prejudice; people judging you just because. Being condemned to Hell and draining the faith from your soul so much so that you don't even know what or who to believe anymore.

 

I'm sorry for making you depressed and sucking all the happiness from your life. You don't want to live anymore and that's all my fault, nobody else's.

 

I'm sorry that I made you hate yourself. Remember how you would walk to class 30 minutes before it even started because you wanted to avoid walking past all those people? The insecurity is because of me.

 

I'm sorry that you have so much baggage that you have to carry around with you. It's heavy and a burden, I'm sorry for not helping you deal with it.

 

I'm sorry that you're weird. Nobody likes the weird kid. Enough said.

 

I'm sorry that you fall in love too hard. All that jealousy and over-attachment isn't good. People hate that s**t. I'm sorry that you always seek the attention of others. It's my fault that you become attached and dependent on people.

 

I'm sorry that I let people take advantage of you. People used you and misused their power over you. I wasn't strong enough to protect you.

 

I'm sorry for exposing you to this world; this life. Some people are meant for it, others are just extras.

 

I'm sorry that you never felt good enough. You always felt like a burden to everyone, but you never let anyone burden you. There was always someone smarter, more handsome, better than you. People would always pick someone before even looking at you.

 

I'm sorry that you couldn't protect those that mattered most to you. You had to witness their pain because you weren't strong enough to help.

 

I'm sorry that you had to bottle everything up because you couldn't express yourself.

 

I'm sorry I made you miserable.

 

Most of all, I'm sorry for not doing anything to save you from yourself.

Reviews

[Myra]

This poem is painfully familiar. The emotions, all the hurt, the self-loathing, everything is so powerful. Let me tell you that I could identify my old self with your persona--- for this you are successful in writing this piece. You made me empathize; for a moment I went back to an old pain.

[Aris]

Thank you so much for this review. Just knowing that someone else has experienced that feeling is truly amazing and takes someone out of an isolated feeling. I'm really sorry for bringing back that old pain. The thing about an "old pain" is that you get to look back from where you are now and you see the progress that you have made, and that in itself is a beautiful emotion.