Green Blaspheme

I'm not too sure about describing this one, its a very simple poem including various feelings, jelousy being the underlying feeling.

 

 

Burn,

Burn,

Green feeling within

 

The downfall of man

We’re freefalling...

 

Cold,

Cold,

This Emerald within

 

What is it that makes you

Rebuke your kin?

 

You throw me to the gutter

Fill me with sin

My conscious mind flooded with clutter

An Elephant, stood on a pin

 

You neglect me daily

I underestimate you

But when will you pay me

What is so very long overdue?

 

Oh b*****d number two!

How the devil can you

Ignore me and make my existence a sin too?

 

Author's Note

As usual, let me know what you see, initial thoughts etc. The reference to number to would be the second deadly sin, envy or jelousy.

Reviews

[Dinesh Sairam]

WOW. I don't know how others see this. But this is a perfect Pink Floyd lyrics ;)

[Blossom]

Perfect, you portray envy in such a fantastic way that I can't help but be drawn in. the flow of this poem is great and the imagery is very vivid. the color of the font also plays a very good role and matches with the poem. the emotions in this work are also amazing. So much has been said in such a small piece of writing. everything that was to be said has been said. Amazing!!!!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

relates the state of envy perfectly in concise presentation~ the color font enhances the emotional push of the poem~ very well related!~

[Evie]

I like that the rythem changes, i like that you repeat a line for emphasis or whatnot, burn, burn, cold, cold it makes me read faster and for some reason, like i am on the edge of my seat. I have always admired those who can write what they mean in a short poem, that says it all.
This is a little Gem!

[RTB]

thaat was cool the way u set it up and the flow wording was great and the idea was awsome good job:)

[HappyAccident]

HMm who exactly are you mad at.I asked that every line.Great poem .The green really accents the words.

[Leanne Conway]

I loved it =)

[Hellslastwarrior]

Loved it good poem mate