DROP ON MY HEART A ROSE

 

DROP ON MY HEART A ROSE

by Robert Davidson

My voice breaks against those lips of thine,
Before I leave for war I must implore
Let me love you gently your first time
As dumb-tongued my love to you expose.
And then I'll return to thee once more
To bring to thy heart a rose.

I long to merge myself in you
And lie with you all my last long night
Making each to the other fit true;
While my love's deep wonder to you shows
Heady passion given for your delight.
I leave with your heart a rose.

You laugh as in my fond arms you fall
As you respond with your passion pent.
But before I answer the bugle's call
I want us to lie entwined in still repose
As in mad delight sublimely spent
You press to my heart a rose.

As the war rages on I see you yet
Mourning red-eyed your lost love. I cry aloud
'If I die, I know you'll not forget
For on our troth one request I must impose:
If I am swathed in the silence of a shroud,
Then drop on my heart a rose.'

Copyright 2005  robertdavidson

Reviews

[Jim Bob]

I think the antiquated language weighs heavily on this piece. 400 years ago it may have been absolutely brilliant, and it is well crafted, but I don't think that the poem acknowledges its environment or holds much currency. I think our language today is a thousand times more vital than the florid language of the past. Just an opinion though - as there are small pockets of poetry fans who love these pieces, so don't be discouraged.

[Emily Rose]

Awww how sweet! It's sad but pretty at the same time. Sometimes I think your diction works against you a little, making the poem a bit harder to understand. This isn't so much your fault as the fault of the rhyme scheme, and as it is you did a very good job fitting into such a difficult scheme. To me it does feel a bit forced at points, though, especially since you ended each line with the "...rose." If you revise this, I encourage you to experiment with a different scheme - try something with less rhyme so you can be freer with your words and clearer in your diction.

As it is now, however, it's quite sweet. The technique is good and your sentiment is lovely. Great job!

[darkgurl]

WOW! This is a most beuatiful write here ever so touching and so loving.

[~crazy Beautiful~]

very creative
and old english written love poem
hard to do, yet you make it appear easy
nice work
thank you for entering my contest

[Carrie Montgomery]

very romantic, indeed. I, too like the use of old English. You did a wonderful job capturing the language.
this is poignant and graceful.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is heartrendering ..so so sad .. beautiful and loving .. like the old English myself .
Very good job and expression.

Chloe
xoxo

[Valerie Jones]

I am not against the romanticized use of old English, but one of the flaws I find in poems of that style is the sacrifice of meaning and weight in the words under the light of constant rhyme. At the same time, some images just as that of the rose, tend to be overused in poetry in such similar forms that it becomes a clich�. Perhaps the images of red petals insted would suffice to remove the repetitiveness of the invocation of the rose.

It is certainly a deeply loving piece, and it has a touch of magic to it. I would personally work on it a little to find ways to tweak it so that the words don't loose their effectiveness getting caught up in the structure.

Lovely sentiment!

[fireblossom]

A true love poem. Drama in the threat of loss. Really good write Robert.

The tone was Civil War for me. Not that they spoke that way then, but many wrote that way then.

Thanks.

[Dshaman14]

nice write robe..!!

i like the style you used on this one...

old words are rarely used today by the new generations

nice thing that you still use them today..!!

nice write

[The Musings of Mary H.]

A written work of art! Great compositions of words! I am glad to have come across this great work!

[ROBERT DAVIDSON]

Readers of this poem seem to fall into two camps - those who love the archaic language and those who can't stand it. Well, you can't win them all!