oh! Fear made me this .

oh! Fear made me this .

A Poem by Raghib
"

its a poem about a person who has given to his fears and thinks death to be the only option . the poem ends in an optimistic note with the person reminding himself that he can still fight it .

"
Tears stop in their tracks,
i am left numb .
emotions are what i lack,
oh! fear made me this .
find my reasons to begin,
to dig out the feelings buried in.
i taunt myself,
breaking all left intact .

Words stuck in my throat,
i am left speechless.
confidence is what i am deprived of,
oh! fear made me this .
find my grip on this world,
remove the bruises left by it.
i cant help myself,
i fall in this deep abyss .

Heart fluttering in between,
i am let in despair .
self control is what i have lost ,
oh! fear made me this .
find my reasons to care,
stop the memories flooding in .
i conspire against myself,
plodding towards death .

But tarry oh my tormentor!
i still have my will to stand on .
flickering it may be,
but its still alive .
tired, broken, shattered though i am,
but i will heal .
no i am not nothing,
i am something .
watch out all the unawares,
oh! fear made me this .



© 2017 Raghib



Author's Note

Raghib
This is my first poem . please criticize it and let me know what can i improve on .

My Review

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Reviews

we should always remember ''even the worst day got 24 hrs'' Tomorrow is a new a new begging.

But tarry oh my tormentor!
i still have my will to stand on .
flickering it may be,
but its still alive .

I really liked those lines.
keep it up.

Posted 1 Month Ago


We begin in stanza one by talking about the result of events for which the reader has no context. So while we know what happened—the effect of some actions, we have no context for why those actions were taken and by whom, and why it matters. But poetry is all about making the reader react emotionally. So context is vital. How can we empathize to someone's reaction without knowing the cause. It could be, for example, a child's response to a deserved punishment, that of a prisoner, or a rejected lover. And each of them would generate a different reaction in the reader.

So while you know the backstory, you've woven none of it into the wording, and while the reader knows there is what the speaker calls a "tormentor," We know neither the torment nor the reason for it.

So, what is a "deep abyss" in terms of this? Since we can't know, we can't react, emotionally.

Placing the reader into the scene, within the viewpoint of the character is critical. For why, this may help. It's, obviously, slanted toward the fiction writer, but applies to the poet as well:
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/the-grumpy-writing-coach-8/

In terms of poetry, in general, it might pay to review the forms and rhyming schemes. You have three stanzas of eight and one of ten, with rhymes applied seeming at random. A really good place to begin is the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon.

Hang in there, ad keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 1 Month Ago


Good work with strong expressions and clear imagery. Thank you for sharing this well-crafted piece.

Welcome to league! Looking forward to more from you. :)

Posted 1 Month Ago


Raghib

1 Month Ago

thank you for the review
You see the most shining stars only in the darkest of the nights. Keep the hope. Good one.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Raghib

1 Month Ago

thank you so much
I love this piece!! AWESOME SAUCE first poem! Full of emotion...thought provoking.
I love the subject! Raw and relatable! Other than capitalizing all the I’s I can’t say any improvements are needed! It’s powerful the way it is!!
Tabby

Posted 1 Month Ago


Raghib

1 Month Ago

than you for the review .
You did very well with this poem.
"i am something .
watch out all the unawares,
oh! fear made me this ."
I agree with the above lines. Hard times and struggle make us stronger. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 1 Month Ago


I love the way that the poem finds resolution in the last stanza, turning around the reader's idea of what the poem is about. A good piece of work.

Posted 1 Month Ago


Raghib

1 Month Ago

Thank you for the review .
A poem about would be suicide with a last verse filled with defiance against the despair. I would have liked to have read in the penultimate verse more about what had engendered the 'change' - family? friends? change in fortune? spirituality?
Overall it is great for a first poem Raghib!

Posted 1 Month Ago


Raghib

1 Month Ago

As you would have noticed , the last verse had the word WILL . I wanted the people to knkw that it i.. read more
you are a Liar!
Sure this is not your first poem. Its brilliantly written and i can't believe this is your first. May be first one here but tell me the truth that you have written few before .

nice way of writing and good choice of words.

Posted 1 Month Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Raghib

1 Month Ago

This IS my first poem . I had written some short stories before but this was the first time i had tr.. read more
Fear comes from the darkness in your life . but each dark moment also teaches you what life is . it is upon us how we look towards this darkness. do we give into the fear, the darkness or fight it just to see that faint ray of light that will wipe away the whole darkness .
what i want the people to know is that we should accept the darkness and at the same time fight it .

Posted 1 Month Ago



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Added on October 6, 2017
Last Updated on October 6, 2017

Author

Raghib
Raghib

India



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A 65% introvert, i love to overthink . conservative . daydreaming and fantasies a must in life . more..

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