A pit visit

A pit visit

A Poem by Raghib

If only you could see through his eyes,
you would have known what pain is like.
miseries and sorrows never dreamt of,
hide behind the sunny disposition of his smiles.
laugh as much as you like , for 
you are nothing but a bunch of torturous freaks .
where the journey of your endurance ends,
the inception of his haunting  begins .
on the ground where this man now stands,
once had the footprints of a child .
head bowed with grief , till date they stand ,
defying every time of the year . And
the man ruffles the hair of the phantom child ,
as they read the epitaph, "here loving parents lie " .

© 2017 Raghib



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Featured Review

So an unknown someone has pain because of unknown cause, and it was really bad. Okay. but don't you think making the pain relevant to the reader, so they know the WHY and the depth of it, and the effect of it might give the READER a reason to care, as against just knowing that somewhere, a fictional character felt pain for an unknown time?

You have relevance and intent before you begin to read. In fact, you have it before you begin to write. But till you make it real to the reader it's just data.

Never lose sight of the fact that your goal is to make the reader feel, not just be informed.

Why? Because we read poetry to be made to feel, and before feeling must come caring.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

1 Week Ago

Glad to see you back Jay. Thought you had abandoned us.

Love your reviews man.



Reviews

So an unknown someone has pain because of unknown cause, and it was really bad. Okay. but don't you think making the pain relevant to the reader, so they know the WHY and the depth of it, and the effect of it might give the READER a reason to care, as against just knowing that somewhere, a fictional character felt pain for an unknown time?

You have relevance and intent before you begin to read. In fact, you have it before you begin to write. But till you make it real to the reader it's just data.

Never lose sight of the fact that your goal is to make the reader feel, not just be informed.

Why? Because we read poetry to be made to feel, and before feeling must come caring.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

1 Week Ago

Glad to see you back Jay. Thought you had abandoned us.

Love your reviews man.
a touching write,i enjoyed it

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Raghib

2 Weeks Ago

thanks for the review . glad you enjoyed it
( Pure Rhymes) Noir, eloquently written poem reaching into the depths of the soul. Phantasms suffering and haunted. Wrathful rant. “If only you could see through his eyes”- yes...

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Raghib

2 Weeks Ago

merci . thank you for the review . glad you liked it .
Annette Pisano Higley

2 Weeks Ago

You are very welcome!
This is very heart touching. Deep thoughts are effectively written. Loved the little twist in the end.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Raghib

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for the review
Najam Us Saher

2 Weeks Ago

You're welcome.
where the journey of your endurance ends,
the inception of his haunting  begins .
on the ground where this man now stands,
once had the footprints of a child .

incredible lines in this piece, and the ending, By God! my soul shifteth

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


Raghib

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you man . Means a lot

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Added on November 6, 2017
Last Updated on November 6, 2017

Author

Raghib
Raghib

India



About
A 65% introvert, i love to overthink . conservative . daydreaming and fantasies a must in life . more..

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