Meeting My Mother-in-Law.

Without question the most humiliating moments of my life.

  

There's nothing unusual about being tense meeting your future in laws for the first time , but this was not a normal meeting. First and foremost is the closeness of my wife and her mother. Secondly , this was not a meet your future mother-in-law event. Sue was 18 and I was 28. Sue was going to college . I was going to hell.

I have to explain what led up to this meeting. Sue and I fell in love while I was working as a life guard at what I call a resort, and she maintains was just a quarry with music.

 

The worst thing Sue had ever done was steal flowers from her next door neighbor to give to her mom, for which she was scolded. I, on the other hand , was a total bum , who used drugs and traveled the country by freight train. Our relationship started slow..and stayed non physical for sometime.

Her mother finally got to the point where she issued an ultimatum to her daughter. Either stop seeing him, or move out. She lived in southern Ohio, and I lived in northern Ohio. I would come down , get a motel , and Sue would tell her mom she had to go out. We spent most of the time sitting out by the pool. On those rare occasions when we were alone in the room , she would not allow me to have sexual contact..not that I didn't try.

 

Sue told her mom that she didn't think she was giving me a fair chance. She had never met me, and if she did , she would see why she cared for me. This is how the meeting took place. Her mom agreed to meet me. I usually don't panic in situations like this , but I was petrified about meeting her mom. 

I knew how close Sue and her mother was. I also know if I was a parent I would not blame her mom. I would not want my beautiful , intelligent , caring daughter falling in love with a guy with no education , not job , no future. I knew I had to really impress her.

 

I swear what I'm about to write is exactly how it happened. No-one could script what took place. I had bleached blonde hair, and actually chose to wear a purple turtle neck sweater, thinking I looked good, Sue led me into her home. It was a nice little ranch style home , with the family room the first room you entered. What I didn't know was that it wasn't just her parents who would be there. Her older brother and her two sisters were also there. Her step-father was a soft spoken, gentle man. He was the first to greet me. He led me to an empty couch against a far wall. I had to sort of squeeze by a glass coffee table that was right in front of me.

 

I took a deep breath, and said the most polite hellos I could. Sue's mom was in the kitchen. I don't remember the conversations, I just remember they were small talk and I sat with my hands together, neatly placed in my lap. I felt like I was waiting on the Queen of England to appear...and suddenly she did. She was a very attractive older woman. But, when our eyes met she couldn't mask her discomfort of having me in her house.

 

" Would you like something to drink, ?" she asked , with a somewhat strained politeness. She ran off a list of beverages, and for the life of me I don't know why I chose milk..maybe because milk represents wholesomeness. This is where it began. My heart was beating so fast , my hands were sweating. I was intimidated by her mom.

Her mom returned with a glass filled with milk, and held it out for me. The next few moments were a blur of incidents that couldn't be repeated in a hundred lifetimes.

 

She handed me the glass. I thought I had a grasp on it, but she released it before I had a good grip. The glass slipped through my fingers and fell directly on the glass coffee table. The coffee table shattered. The milk splashed everywhere. There were gasps..people saying, "It's ok."

There were people rushing to get towels. I was embarrassed beyond words, not knowing it wasn't over.

 

"I'm so sorry," I said, as I put both hands to my face and leaned back in one of those "What have I done" motions. In throwing myself back, I slammed my head against the wall...hard. Hard enough to knock a large picture hanging above my head loose from the wall. The picture fell straight down, banging me on the back of my head, and falling into the mess of milk and broken glass that laid at my feet. The whole incident took less than twenty seconds. Everyone kept saying "Don't worry about it."

 

I just wanted to bolt from the room. Sue tried her best to comfort me. She knew how humiliated I felt. No she didn't. The rest of my visit they all tried to act as if what they saw was no big deal. But, I knew better..and so did Sue's mom.

 

Today ? Sue's mom is like my mom, and sometimes at get togethers we laugh about it. But, at that moment , I can only imagine what her mom must have thought. Of all the embarrassing moments in my life , the series of blunders that happened in a matter of seconds that day , will always be the gauge I use to measure total humiliation. I've told this story countless times, and it still seems like the gods had to be involved.

 

Good bye, Mrs Carroll, it was so nice to meet you.

 

 

 

 

 

(C)     "Copyright 1/12/2007 by Ray Neighbor"

Reviews

[Paza]

This was a terrific and funny story...almost like my poor son-in-law's story. We got a call around 12:30am. My 17 year old daughter who we thought was sleeping in her room had snuck out to go meet her boyfriend and hit a deer. She was not really hurt, but the car was undriveable...so my husband left to go to the scene of the accident, where he met the boyfriend for the very first time...the boyfriend who years later would become her husband. We laugh about it now, and he's a terrific guy, but the circumstances of their first meeting are gonna make a great story for grandma and grandpa to tell their kids! :-)

[Aspiring Angel]

What a delightful story to find my smiles and a few out loud laughs this morning Ray.

Isn't it always the way, when you want to put your best foot forward we usually end up tripping over it.

I know that you and Sue have been married for many years now, just as Hersh and I have. His funny little story in meeting my Mom for the first time was afterthe statement "Can I get you something" Trying to break the tension, and kidding of course, he told her he would like a balogna sandwich and a glass of red Kool-aide. A few minutes later in she came with both. LOL

She tried to talk me out of marrying Hersh, not because she did not like him, but she worried what my life would be like married to a handicapped man and besides she already had my future husband all picked out for me. ROTFL She tried the angle of "You will probably never have children" Well we have two grown children, and four beautiful grandchildren 39 years later come the first of May and her not knowing I had just found out that Kenny was on his way. LOL Over the years she became Hersh's Mom because his would and to this day seldom does contact him.

A great write my friend bringing back a few of my own memories from many years agao.

Thank you so much for the smiles.
Hugs, Lesa

[Lauren Burch]

Absolutely hilarious and somewhat touching as well. The end is really sweet. :)
More imagery would be nice though.

[THE BLACK SEAL]

lol sorry dude but it is pretty funny. you have to admit that now

[Serendipity]

I can't begin to imagine the embarrassment you must have felt. Meeting parents for the first time is so uncomfortable and your series of unfortunate events must have made you feel like dying on the spot. With that said;

Glass of Milk $ 2
Glass Coffee Table $ 250
Family Portrait $ 500

Destroying all those things when meeting the In-laws for the first time - PRICELESS