Stroke of Luck

Stroke of Luck

A Chapter by Ricky
"

Thing seem to settle down for our pair as they try and regain their strength

"

 

               Jennifer leads Richard and Lycia into the shed that’s filled with an assortment of tools from gardening, to lawn upkeep, as well as some plumbing tools as well. Despite the variety of tools, there’s nothing that would help them evade authorities, which makes the two a bit uneasy. Unlike Richard however, Lycia was not about to conceal her concerns.

“What is this?! How is any of this junk is supposed to help us?!” Her face scrunches into a face that expresses both anger and confusion. 

“Easy Smurfette, I can still turn you in if I want to.”

“Maybe I should rectify that.” Richard jumps in between the two trying to defuse the situation once again.

“Take it easy both of you, it’s pretty late and I’m sure we’re all a bit-tired right now. So, Jennifer, can you please explain why this is a great place to hide?” He speaks his words in a slow calm manner.

“Well Richard,” Jennifer exaggerates his name giving Lycia a mean glare, “like I said, there’s more than meets the eye here. Observe.” She opens a tool cabinet door, shuffling some tools aside, a beeping noise comes out of it as she presses something. Following that clanking comes from the back of the shed and part of the floor lifts up sliding to the side. A heavy metal door is revealed leaving him in awe while Lycia sits on a barrel waiting impatiently. Jennifer walks up to another cabinet, shoving its contents aside to press a pad that scans her thumb. The heavy metal door opens faster than one might expect leaving Jennifer to gesture them to enter. As the pair enters Jennifer is sure step right in front of Lycia cutting her off.

               

Lycia swears in Alyuan following the two humans inside through a narrow tunnel leading to another locked door. Jennifer squeezes by Richard to get to this door. “Voice activated password is needed to enter.” A dry female computer voice comes from another pad on the wall. “Applejack.” Jennifer answers. With that the door whooshes open revealing a cozy looking room with two bunk beds, a long ‘L’ shaped couch, a computer, large TV, a kitchen, and more.

“Jennifer.”

“Yes Richard.”

“How rich is your family?”

“Rich enough to where all of this barely put a dent in our family funds.” Richard just stands there gawking at the room wishing that he could live this type of life.

“I don’t see why you’re gushing over all this primitive technology. I’ve seen animals with better rooms than this. Besides it doesn’t even have a wash room.” Lycia strolls in unimpressed with the fancy Earth luxuries.

“Actually, your highness, there is one back there. So, feel free to wash your smelly a*s while your back there because you stink!”  Lycia’s face shades to a darker blue being called out upon her stench.

“I only have this stench because this one dragged me through tunnels of your species’ filth!” She shoves her finger right into his face.

“Listen it’s late and I’m tired, so please I don’t want to deal with any of this right now. All I want at this moment is to wash up and go to sleep. So please can we all play nice long enough to do that?” The two girls look at each other scoffing before both saying “Fine,” in unison.

“Good, and…Lycia, right? You might want that thing on your wrist taken off before you hop in the shower.” Richard points at his wrist.

“I’ll do as I please, now leave me be I must wash this stench off.”

“I was referring to your half of the handcuffs but go ahead ‘do as you please’.” She looks at him confused for a second but then realizes what he’s referring about. Regretfully she turns to Jennifer who is starring at her with a fat grin from cheek to cheek. “Take off this chain.” Jennifer grin fades and she simply responds with, “Ok.” With such a non-resistant reaction the pair are extremely shocked with how calmly that went. Jennifer returns with a small odd-looking key, Lycia sticks out her arm only for the small girl to ignore her. Jennifer instead goes to Richard taking his cuffed hand and unlocking it.

“Why did you unlock his, I asked for mine to be unlocked not his.” Lycia face becomes hot feeling as anger rushes blood to it. “Actually, what you said was ‘Take off this chain’ which I did, just not your half of the chain.” Jennifer says waving the key by her face.

At that moment Richard plucks the key from her hands walking over to Lycia, taking her half of the handcuff unlocking it. She grabs her wrist noticing a few marks that it had left before rubbing and rolling it. Looking past him towards Jennifer Lycia lets out another Alyuan swear before sharply turning to the bathroom, her dirty hair slapping Richard in the face. He ignores her rude response taking a seat on the sofa as she enters the bathroom. Looking up he notices Jennifer looking at him with a look that says “Really.” He simply waves dismissing all that just happened just before getting called by Lycia. Getting up he knocks on the door asking if she’s decent, she just tells him to come in ignoring his question.

               

Hesitantly he enters to just have his fears affirmed. Standing before him is Lycia in her natural form naked from head to toe as though it is natural for her to have others look at her naked. Whether or not it was for her it was definitely is not for him as he jumps back out of the bathroom slamming the door behind him completely flustered. Richard’s shocked reaction spreads to Jennifer who runs over trying to figure out what’s wrong. She soon gets her answer as an upset naked Lycia storms out of the bathroom demanding an apology from Richard.  Naturally, all he does is cover his eyes and curl into a ball. “Sweet Jesus, put some clothes on!” Jennifer shouts just as surprised as Richard.

“I was trying to figure out how your baths worked, but when I asked him for help, he just ran off like an idiot and slammed the door in my face!” The alien explains as her womanhood jiggles about. “Gosh, I fully naked alien who, surprisingly has close human anatomy, is shocked that a hormonal teenaged boy being surprised that she flashed him. *sigh* Listen I’ll show you how to use the shower.”

“No.”

“What, why?” Jennifer now standing T-posed hiding Lycia’s nudeness from the boy recovering from the initial shock. “Because I don’t trust you! You may make the water too uncomfortable or use a substance that could harm me. At least with him I know that he has a reason not to harm me, so if you’ll excuse me!” Lycia snatches Richard’s arm dragging him into the bathroom as he mouths the words “Help me!” to Jennifer.

A moment later, the shower is heard running and a completely flustered Richard comes out of the bathroom crossing his legs. “You alright there big guy?” Jennifer asks but is met with no answer, instead he hobbles over to the couch laying face flat to it. “I’m… uh… just gonna let you calm down for a bit.” He nods rubbing his face into the cushion.  Jennifer’s hears him shuffling about but, she ignores it, with everything that he’s gone through he feels like he deserves a bit of rest. As he drifts off to sleep, he can hear Lycia come out of the bathroom and towards him. In his mind he repeats, “Please don’t be naked.” hoping that he wouldn’t have to hide his shame once more.

She kicks him with her webbed feet telling to get up and wash his disgusting hide. She notices his eye peek out to look at her but he quickly shoves his face into the cushion calling out Jennifer. Immediately clothes are thrown at her head blinding her before she removes them. “PUT… SOME... CLOTHES ON!” Jennifer slowly shouts. Looking at the clothes she’s been given, she disapproves of the raggedy pink clothes, 

“Don’t you have something less like…this?” “Nope, deal with it.” Giving the human a mean scowl, she puts the she puts on the shirt the pants following, both of which felt odd against her skin. They dampen against her skin causing the fabric to cling to her uncomfortably. Not to mention the horrendous style, the color is ugly and she wouldn’t dare be seen by any Alyuan wearing it.              

               

Despite this, it’s more preferable than wearing the blood-stained clothes she has on, who knows what foreign bacteria she could be carrying by just wearing it as long as she has. The human’s sewage tunnel did not do her any favors as well, all that alien gunk was staining her lungs in ways she’s never experienced.  Their species essentially roams around in their own filth like animals, they truly are a primitive species.

With the new clothes on and the foul-smelling alien washing himself she strolls over to what she assumes is a bed. It has sheets and pillows on it like one, except there is no setting to adjust its softness, positioning, or even its length or with. She was just starring at…something. She places her hand on it allowing it to sink in imprinting her hand into it. Lifting off of it the imprint faded slowly until it’s flat once more. It’s somewhat soft but, compared to her own bed it’s like a bed of nails. Regardless of what she thought of it she sits down on it, her eyes feeling heavy. Looking at the pillow sighing, she lays flat resting her head on it wishing she was home.

               

Jennifer shuffles through some compartments glancing over at Lycia who is lying in one of the beds facing the wall.  Just as a thought was coming to her mind, she hears the click of the bathroom door, and a mostly nude Richard comes out with only a towel covering his waist. “I miss anything?” He asks looking at Lycia. “Not much, thankfully. The freak fell asleep though.” “Yeah, well… with the day we had I’m surprised I haven’t passed out yet.” “Maybe it’s the whole, ‘I have a bomb in my head’ that’s keeping you up.” She jokes tossing him some clothes before turning around.

“That ain’t funny.” He answers putting on some underwear. “Sorry, from what B said you like jokes so I…” “It’s alright I get it, you were just trying to lighten the mood. Thank you for trying.” For a moment the two are quiet Jennifer continuing to shuffle through some stuff. “So… you mind telling me how and why you guys have a bunker in your backyard?” Richard asks due to the silence in the room that’s making him uncomfortable. “Well, for the why is because my dad has always felt paranoid with North Korea constantly making threats of war. As for the how is pretty simple, my dad decided to play the mega millions back when it was worth a billion dollars and got the golden ticket.” “So, you’re the folks who won that, made life easier I imagine.” 

“Yes… and no.” She stops what she was doing and seems to stare off into nothingness.

“Look if it’s anything too personal then I'm sorry for even bringing it up.” He apologizes feeling guilty thinking he’d opened up old wounds.

“It’s fine... I think… I think I need to talk about it with someone other than my dad anyway.” Shutting he drawer she sits next to the large teen sighing. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” “I need to though, it’s been on my mind for too long and when I discuss it with my dad things get emotional. And I don’t want to burden B with this because when I’m with him he makes me happy and I don’t want to ruin that.” 

“What about your mom?” Richard questions, but soon notices the change in her expression. “This’ about your mom isn’t it.” Jennifer nods, “She was an amazing mother, I honestly can’t remember a time where I was mad at her. Back when I was younger, she’d do all kind of things with me, she taught me how to care for the garden, we used to cook dinner for our family together, she took care of me when I was sick, she taught me right from wrong. Before I went to bed her and my dad would act all sorts of bedtime stories, I’ll never forget her and my dad acting out the three little pigs.” She reddens as tears start to ball up in her eyes, Richard gently pats her back trying to comfort her. “Then one day coming home from school my mom says she has a real bad headache, but told me and my dad not to worry about it. Being the young stupid kid, I was, I didn’t and went off to do whatever, then I hear loud thud and my dad shouting my mom's name. I found her lying on the kitchen floor my dad trying his best to wake her up.”


               She stops for a moment to let her emotions pour out; despite knowing better Richard presses on, “Did she… did she die?” The tears kept pouring, but she tries to regain her composure to answer his question. “No, at least not yet, we took her to the hospital where she regained consciousness, but the doctor said that she had a thumb sized tumor in her brain. They said they could remove it but they warned us it could alter her personality, mood, memories, and so much more. My mom wanted to live though so with some help we were able to afford the operation for her. I struggled trying to sleep while she was in the hospital, my dad would sit in my room and talk to me until I fell asleep. He’d tell me things like how he and my mom met, or remind me of some of our family vacations, all to get me to stop thinking about the worst outcome. When my dad got the call from the doctor he started crying, I saw him and started crying too. I thought I had just lost my mother, but when I look at him, he was smiling, I’ll never forget what he said to me that day. ‘Baby your mommy’s ok and she’s coming home.’ I can’t explain to you how happy I was to hear that. She came home with us later that week but her motor functions we off and she needed a cane to move around. She sat a lot during that time but she still did her best to continue life. What upset her the most though was that she could no longer tend her garden, so I made sure that everything got what it needed in her place. I know that made her happy.”


               Her tears begin to dry up but her face remained red, Richard wasn’t going to say anything that would upset her again. For a moment the sat there with only the hum from the vent stirring the silence. With a loud sigh Jennifer continues, “But all good things can’t last forever. A few years ago, my mom says she was having the same kind of headaches again, my dad rushed to the hospital while I was at school. Apparently, the tumor was back again, the doctors said that this time another lobotomy would kill her and gave her a half a year to live. When they both picked me up that day, I knew something was wrong, the car was quiet and neither of them could look at me while we sat in the car. But the second they mentioned they’d been to the doctors I knew what was going on and I cried for the rest of the day and refused to get out of bed the next day. My parents did their best to try and make me understand that it wasn’t the end of everything, but it sure felt that way. Eventually my mom was able to get me to listen enough to tell me that I was everything her life had built up to and that as long as I remembered everything, she taught me she’d always be with me.”

“That’s when my dad won the money,” she goes on, “He wanted to take us around the world so that she could enjoy remaining time. She wouldn’t have it though, she wanted him to set aside that money for my education and to find us somewhere comfortable to live. So that’s what he did, but just before we were able to move into this house…she was gone.” Jennifer stops starring at the ground. Richard feels a heavy weight of sadness engulf him, her story is a sad one for sure and here he is putting her through more hardship. The only thing he could think of doing was to hug her, so he did. “I’m sorry.”  He says in a respectful tone. “It’s alright none of it was your fault.” She responds. “No, but this is.” They both stare at the sleeping alien in the loft. “I’d say in regards to this you got it worse than me. You should try and get some sleep I got to tell B you’re alright then we’ll figure out what to do next.” She breaks out of his hug going over to a computer turning it on.  Knowing she’s right he stands up and walks over to the other bed, it was a bit small for him, but beggars can’t be choosers. Laying down he curled up into a ball and tried to get some sleep.

“…Richard…” He lays there unsure if the voice was part of his dream.

“…Richard…!” There it is again this time more urgent.

“...For Alyu sake, WAKE UP!” Following this more aggressive voice he feels a blunt pain on his side as he awakes to Jennifer and Lycia standing above him.

“Ow~. Which one of you two hit me and why?” Holding his side, surprised to find himself laying on the floor rather than the bed. “Well you wouldn’t wake up so she dragged you out of the bed, then proceeded to kick you when that didn’t work.” Richard gives the alien a scowl before standing up which she brushes off. “That doesn’t matter now here get dressed you two are leaving.” She threw some fresh clothes at him packing stuff into a large bag.

“What, why? How long have I been sleeping?”

“Pretty long actually, it’s Sunday night.”

“I SLEPT AN FOR AN ENTIRE DAY!?”

“Yeah so get dressed and eat that food over there, anyway while you were asleep, I called B to tell him about the current situation and he told me some government agents went to him question him to see if he knew where you went. He didn’t tell them anything, but he’s afraid that they could have been listening in on my call with him and he told me to get you guys moving.” 

“Get moving? Where are we to go, and better yet, how are we to get there with the whole nation looking for us?” He said fumbling to get the clothes on. “We’ll take my dad’s dingy and go down the Snoqualmie River, it’s dark outside, so we should be able to get passed most of the checkpoints.” Jennifer then tosses the bag she was packing at him. “Won’t your dad wonder where his boat is, and then what? Our warrant isn’t limited to Seattle ya know.” “Don’t worry about that my dad is out of town this week, but you should have some concern for what I’m about to say.” “Then maybe don’t say it.” Richard gives a nervous smile shrugging his shoulders to which she responds with an apologetic look.

“So yeah here’s the other thing, I was taking a look through your friend’s stuff and found some weird device.”

“You did what?!” Lycia protests.

“Be quiet, the stuff I found will help you get home...probably.” Jennifer throws clothes at her face. “Anyway, I was messing with it and then a holographic image of earth came out of it. That’s when I noticed there were three blinking yellow lights on it, one seemed to be in Earth’s atmosphere moving in unison with the planet. Another appeared to be in Seattle, and the last was in the mid-east somewhere in South Dakota.”

“Please don’t tell me what I think you’re telling me.” Richard has a concerned look to this news. “Sorry Richard, but I think that that light over in South Dakota is a pickup point for her.” He falls back into the sofa after hearing this, absolutely bewildered by what he just heard. “No no no, there’s no way we’ll make it that far without getting caught. Why doesn’t the signal just tell them to pick her up here?”

“I don’t know, why doesn’t it?” Jennifer faces Lycia dropping the bag she was making for her at her feet.

“…The pod I came in lost control and the transmitter that’s in orbit may have gotten preemptively thrown from it.” She gives Jennifer a mean scowl while picking up the bag.

“How do we know that it’s not damaged and is even sending a rescue signal?” Richard asks as they walk out of the bunker towards the tunnel, they came in.


 “I’d like not to think that, because if I’m going to be stuck on this primitive planet, I’ll most assuredly go mad.” “And we don’t want you to go crazy, you might start sticking bombs to people’s heads.” Jennifer says sarcastically getting an unhappy look from both Lycia and Richard. With a quick whoosh the hidden door they came through opens and they hastily hurry to Jennifer’s garage. In there is the dingy she mentioned resting on a boat trailer, as well as a large red truck. “Ok you two wait here, I’m going to grab the keys. Richard make sure she doesn’t touch anything.” Lycia makes a grunt as the girl leaves the garage, followed by Richard stopping her from poking something.

The alien gives him an unpleasant look as he grabs her wrist yet again, “Does it look like I care what you think?” the large teen says holding his grip. With both of them glaring at each other it’s Lycia who concedes first snatching her wrist back. “If you’re bored try looking like you belong, it’ll be hard to evade the cops with you looking like that.”  Not saying anything and looking away she fiddles again with her wristband disguising herself as human.

Jennifer returns unlocking the truck and garage doors hopping into the driver’s seat. “You sure you’re ok to drive that? No offense, but ya seem a bit too small to be driving this truck.” Without comment Jennifer hops into the driver seat, and true to what Richard had said she’s barely seeing over the steering wheel. Correcting this, Jennifer adjusted the seat sticking her tongue out at him once she could see properly. “Let me pull out so we can hitch the boat before getting in.” Before either of them could reply she pulls the vehicle out on the garage into the driveway, backing evenly with the boat.

“Ok Richard I’m gonna need your help real quick. We need to lift the trailer up so we can hitch it.”

“Uh…”

“If me and my dad can do it so can you now get over here,” both of them grab the trailer as Jennifer counts down to lift. “On three… one, two, three!” With a quick heave they lift the trailer up slightly dragging it closer to the truck grunting the whole ordeal. Once over the truck they carefully lower it watching their fingers. Jennifer secures it with a latch giving him a smile and a thumbs up.

“Alright, Richard you’re going have to sit in the back behind Lycia, you’ll be the guy that the cops will be looking for so let’s not take any chances.” Richard gives a quick nod before hopping in back placing his bag beside him. The girls do so as well with a quick flip of the ignition they’re on their way.

Half-way through the trip to the boat launch Richard’s loud snores rumble the car keeping the other two awake. “Ugh! Does he ever shut up I can’t hear myself think with his racket?” “He’s tired ya know. It’s not every day he gets held hostage by an alien, flees from the government, saves the life of hyperventilating girl, then prevents said girl from tearing the alien, who put him in this position, a new one. So, all things considered could you please shut up?”

“Oh, my apologies, but you’re not the one who has to listen to this idiot babble all day, or the one who crashes in uncharted space, or has alien lunatics hunting her! So excuse me if I sound a tad upset.”

“Just shut up for fifteen minutes ok! That’s how long we have until we reach the boat launch. Can you at least do that for me?!”

“Fine but know that I’ll be resting when we get there and he’ll be the on awake.” With that the two girls finish arguing while Richard continues snoring on agitating Lycia more and more. On the way they pass many police vehicles who have stopped to question people showing them all pictures of Richard. Nerves are tested when a pair of officers cross the street looking into the truck. Jennifer gives them a fake smile while Lycia just looks away, the cops wave back before entering their vehicle speeding off. Jennifer lets out a heavy sigh driving on towards the boat launch; when they arrive the entire parking lot is empty. A few boats are tied to the docks their mast protruding into the night sky.

“Richard, Richard wake up! We’re here.” Jennifer reaches into the back slapping his meaty thigh. “Wha-what, where am I?” The teen awoke in a daze. “Get up, I need you to guide me.” “Uh, I was hoping all this was a nightmare I was having.” “It’s a living nightmare if that clear things up. Now get out.” Hopping out, he stretches his long limbs limbering himself awake. As she backs up, the trailer clanks heavily over the bumps and cracks in the pavement. Once the boat is situated in the water, he gives her a thumbs up. As she gets out to disconnect the boat, Richard notices headlights reflecting off the truck’s hood.

Panicking he bounds over the gap of water between the launch and the dock and hides in one of the sail boats. The panic spreads as Jennifer dashes up to the front of the car to see who it is. To her dismay sitting across from the truck is a police patrol vehicle, its headlight shinning her direction. “Jeremy, is that you?” Jennifer recognizes the voice immediately answering. “Mr. Hamilton it’s just me Jennifer.” The man, who is short and dark skinned is her father’s partner as wells as a family friend. Stepping from the vehicle toward the small girl he shines his bright flashlight on her face, “Jennifer what are you doing out this late, do you have any idea what time it is.”  The man stands practically at eye level with her though he’s slightly taller. “Not really, um… me and my friend have been hanging out all night and we sort of lost track of time.”  The officer looks over her shoulder at the dingy partially submerged in the water.

“So, what are you doing out here with your dad’s boat?” Her hands begin to sweat the more questions he asks. “...Well my friend has never been on one before, so I thought that that it’d be a, uh, great chance to change that … uh… since no one’s around.” The officer has a suspicious look on his face examining her behavior, “This, ‘friend’, wouldn’t happen to that Bartholomew fellow right?” “W-what no…it’s… they’re a new friend I made recently.” “Uh-huh, so why don’t you show me this new friend of yours.” Jennifer pauses sweating bullets, but eventually gestures to Lycia to come out of the car. When she doesn’t come out Jennifer goes over to the passenger door with Officer Hamilton trailing behind her. Opening it she reveals Lycia who has a mixture of negative expressions over her face.  The disguised alien holds herself saying nothing but starring at the two.

“This’ Lycia, she a bit shy and new to the area so this is a bit uncomfortable for her.” The officer tips his cap to her getting no response other than a nervous look. “You girls really shouldn’t be out this late, there’s a dangerous man on the loose.” “Don’t worry we’ll just be on the water for a little then head back ASAP.” The officer sighs shaking his head, “Alright but be careful the guy is very large, goes by the name Richard Marois. And just know that he’s traveling with some ‘thing’.”

“Some ‘thing’ what do you mean.” She asks looking back at Lycia. “I don’t know I was just told that I’d recognize it when I saw it. You two just stay out of trouble.” Hamilton warns before heading back to his vehicle driving out of the empty lot.

“Some THING!” Lycia shouts upset. “Calm down before someone else shows up. Richard it’s safe to come out.” Richard’s head pops from behind the boat as he walks back to the girls. “I’m not gonna like having to look over my shoulder from now on.” 

“It’s better than someone referring to you as a ‘thing’. Now make yourself useful and grab these bags.” Lycia complains stepping out of the truck bumping into the two humans as she walks to the dingy. Jennifer gives her the finger behind her back with Richard pressing the arm she used down.

The two humans remove the boat from the trailer while Lycia leans against a wall watching. As the boat floats off the trailer Richard has to stride into the water to keep it from floating away, Jennifer hops in holding the dingy in place by using one of the oars. He lets go and grabs the bags lugging them into the boat. The water craft dips heavily as they large teen enters causing Jennifer to lose the grip, she had against the launch’s pavement. “Is it safe to ride in that thing?” Lycia asks watching the whole commotion settle. “Probably safer than anything else you’ve done while on Earth.”

Hesitantly, Lycia makes her way into the dingy using Richard’s head as support when the boat shifts finding a place to sit behind him. “Ok big man, start rowing.” Jennifer says handing him the oars. He doesn’t look too thrilled, but takes the oars regardless and begins rowing.

A short while passes and Lycia has indeed fallen asleep allowing Jennifer to give him some basic direction and landmarks to look for to lead them to the river. She too falls asleep leaving him on his own, he watches the police search lights in the distance making sure they don’t come too close for comfort as he rows quietly into the night.

 

 

 

 



© 2019 Ricky


Author's Note

Ricky
As always critiques are always welcomed. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to stick with my writing I took the spring and summer off. I won’t be working on a new chapter for a bit though, instead I’ll be going back to revise older chapters. Again thanks to all who read my work.

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Hey Ricky
I haven't read the previous chapters so I don't know how much of the story you've established there. I thought a few things needed more clarification but like I said, I don't know what has happened in the previous chapters so I'll refrain from talking about it.
It is an interesting thing to have an alien act as a proud, arrogant woman. That's a first for me! You did show that effect properly and the character really came out as well created. So was Richard's. I wasn't too sure about Jennifer's, though. Also, since Lycia is an alien, it might help to show her features to the reader (ignore if you have done this in previous chapters).

One thing that needs work is the grammar and language here. The story is taking place in present tense but there is tense confusion in a few places. Apart from that, there are typos and some common grammar errors here and there. I'm sure you'll see them when you give this chapter another read. It's not a big deal, for it's easy to miss out on that stuff when you're too engrossed in getting the story out of you. But yeah, make sure you do a thorough read or two of anything you write. Well, judging by your Author note, I can see that you're already doing something to that effect, so it's fine. :)


Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ricky

6 Months Ago

First, let me thank you for taking the time to read this I really appreciate it. As for Lycia’s fe.. read more



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BBP
I haven't read anything previously, but by this chapter I was intrigued to learn the story. The characters are witty and the dialogue is 'real talk' which is my favorite characteristic in a book. The only thing I would say is that by putting *sigh* in your dialogue it seems to cheapen it up and yur writing seems far too good for that.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Ricky

3 Months Ago

Thank you for your flattering compliment I try really hard when I write. For the dialogue I'm trying.. read more
BBP

3 Months Ago

Hey, everyone has their own writing style. A lot of people think mine is too gritty and I curse too .. read more
Hey Ricky
I haven't read the previous chapters so I don't know how much of the story you've established there. I thought a few things needed more clarification but like I said, I don't know what has happened in the previous chapters so I'll refrain from talking about it.
It is an interesting thing to have an alien act as a proud, arrogant woman. That's a first for me! You did show that effect properly and the character really came out as well created. So was Richard's. I wasn't too sure about Jennifer's, though. Also, since Lycia is an alien, it might help to show her features to the reader (ignore if you have done this in previous chapters).

One thing that needs work is the grammar and language here. The story is taking place in present tense but there is tense confusion in a few places. Apart from that, there are typos and some common grammar errors here and there. I'm sure you'll see them when you give this chapter another read. It's not a big deal, for it's easy to miss out on that stuff when you're too engrossed in getting the story out of you. But yeah, make sure you do a thorough read or two of anything you write. Well, judging by your Author note, I can see that you're already doing something to that effect, so it's fine. :)


Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ricky

6 Months Ago

First, let me thank you for taking the time to read this I really appreciate it. As for Lycia’s fe.. read more

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Added on October 29, 2018
Last Updated on February 22, 2019
Tags: Adventure, SCI-Fi, Action


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Ricky
Ricky

Seattle, WA



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I am a young ambitious man who has always been fascinated in telling stories. And unlike the rest of my family who can draw very artistically i cannot so writing is as best as i can in displaying what.. more..

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A Chapter by Ricky