Awaiting Whats Undone

A love born between two people too different.

Love springs within two fair beauties.

One a delicate flower, born from my own clan

Another a bold rock, rooted from another

We do not dare to trust such neighbors, 

Nor does the family of the bold rock

Trust us.

I sooth my friendly flower,

Hoping she listens to reason.

But as my fair flower calls not for power

But love,

I had no choice but to order,

A calling for all clans from above.

So fellows come in hand in hand

Joining the circle with caution

Each one from their own clan

Coming down their separate avenue

All is shown grace,

As they do the same.

But our chat is slow at pace

And gives the lovers doubt.

My power is strengthened within

As I force conversation

But through so, I cause pain and sin

My courage to speak

Put fire in their eyes.

And as they undo their mask,

Throwing their disgust into the midst

We fear what we have seen

For not even the lovers are pleased.

Yet the young couple do not break sight

As they notice the hate spreading

They softly coo to one another,

Talking about when they can take flight

Together.

I see her eyes shine

As their bodies connect,

Is this is a sign?

Even though no words of love are uttered 

No calls for justice ring about

Just the pounding of fists

Their joy and love for each other ring out

But too quickly their light fades

As blood spills around them

They are turning different shades

And his love has suddenly withered

As he leaves nothing but a token,

Of what they could've had.

The battle has finally stopped

While the once bold rock exits.

Her cause for life has dropped

And shattered.

She crumbles into nothing

As he gracefully takes another.

All this pain for something

That never gave an appearance

Fellows humbly leave 

No words are spoken on her behalf

Just our silent tears,

Leaving marks on her corpse

Author's Note

Listened to the music from lord of the Rings while writing this ... oh yeah

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Me thinks with this piece of poetry...knowing that it was writen to the sweeping sounds of a dynamic sountrack.... The piece got influenced by those sweeps.

I found that every three stanzas, the piece and story altered, as if there was a change in tempo or vibrancy in the music which altered how you were thinking and where the words would weave. The first two stanzas are more similar in nature than the two beneath... in fact i'll say that the two beneath could have been crafted with much more drastic changes of the music in the background. The resonated with a different pace and feeling, the overall story become less brotherhood, less family and more love and ill fated romance....

Romeo and Juliet comes to mind at this point.

I think overall you've got some wonderfully writen little micro scenes... but the overall connection...doesn't really connect that well. I think that's what Marie below was speaking off. Without knowing the tone of the music and the specific visions within the movie... it's hard to relate to the overall theme of the piece.

While normally in poetry... I would say, "Less is more..." In this case however, more would be better.

I think my ending thoughts on this piece would be to put it in the to read over in a few months, without the music and see what you might tweek at that point. That way the mind can look at it with a fresh eye... you never know, it might end up evolving into the next broadway musical.. =)

Thanks for sharing! =)
Aaron - Wolfwind

[Rosaria_V]

Wow this is truly deep. You are talented. I can feel a lot of emotion in your writing Ranger!

[Ranger Nadaly]

Thank you, I appreciate that.

[Rosaria_V]

Your so welcome!

[Neverwhere]

Okay, officially saddened by this, it shows such a clear story and I see the Lord of the Ring influence perfectly. Maybe something based on the Hobbit would be more cheerful, lol.

[Ranger Nadaly]

Thank you. Lord of the Rings is one of my favorite series/story. Listening to the music I saw a connection through how the writing is in Lord of the Rings and how it can connect to a tragic love story.

[Ranger Nadaly]

Maybe I will do one inspired by the hobbit next

[Marie]

Sorry, I simply don't understand this. There is probably some informtion I ought to have that would make it more clear to me.

[Ranger Nadaly]

Tell me what doesn't make sense. Do you not get what its about or it is worded weird or what.

[Marie]

The wording is fine. In fact, the wording is excellent. I don't understand the subject matter.

[Ranger Nadaly]

Ok, thanks. I will make sure to re-examine the poem.