In The Battlefield

Where is the light?

In The Battlefield,

Thousands Of Men,

And I am Alone,

All Gone, I’m Defeated;

 

Falling Down On My Knees,

Asking For Strength,

Looking With Hopeful Eyes,

Of Finding Some Light,

 

Years Pass,

Hope Dies Down,

Left Behind In The Chase,

Far Away From The Crown,

 

Darkness Everywhere,

I Look In Me,

To Find Light Anywhere,

And I See Light

Author's Note

Please review. Appreciation and Criticisms Welcome. Thanks for Reading. Hope you liked it.

Reviews

[Bear]

Here I go again with the question (You know my writing students of old hated when I started off that way) Were they IN the battle field or ON the battle field?
On this line "All Gone I’m Defeated" try reading it this way and hear how it sound more dramatic "All gone, I am defeated" this way you slow the reader down and adds impact to the statement.
Last line "And I See Light To Be Free" after saying you look within to find light anywhere I am now sure I understand what your last line is saying. The first thing that came to mind was the light people claim to have seem after a near death experience or that awaits use when we die, but this didn't really fit the rest of your poem.
Now what I thought of the poem, I like the narrative style in that it is like telling his or her story not just a story. It has nice depth and makes you feel for this person as if you to are part of the story, well done.
Keep this up and know one will know that English is not you native language.

[Rainslover]

Haha, but it really helps me! I can improve myself better each time. I have done the change. I even changed the last line and cut it near the light so it becomes more clear!
Thank You!

[Bear]

Just reread the poem and you did a great job of cleaning up the ending, great job :~)

[Rainslover]

Thank You!

[TalesOFaMadman]

This isn't it a review. I just wanted to say I like this poem even though I don't read poetry. I can't really criticize since I don't know anything about poetry.

[Rainslover]

Thank You! :)

[SonOfaSailor]

I like it, and i'm glad you found some Light! Definitely inspirational

[Rainslover]

Thank You! Glad that you like it!

[Emily]

I love this one!
Where did you get the inspiration for this?
Well done!

[Rainslover]

Thanks!
Inspiration- Hmm. from me and a morning.LOl

[ShowtunesGiraffe]

I love this, because you do such a good job of expressing pain and defeat. I'm not exactly sure how to interpret this, but that's okay, it could mean many things.

[Rainslover]

Thank you so much! Glad that you can feel what I want to say!

[E.L. Debbage]

Strong write, I interpreted it to be a metaphor for life - but I guess it could mean a lot of things. Forgive me if you meant to leave out all punctuation for effect, but I believe maybe the structure could be smoother with a few commas or dashes. But it is also brilliant as it is!
- Ellen :-)

[Rainslover]

Thank You! Thanks for the feedback! I am pretty much poor in structuring. Lol. Will improve by next time. Thanks Again!

[vspjaguar]

Life is a battlefield, only way to win it is always inwards. Is this what you are trying to convey through the last para?
feelings well articulated, nice write.

[Rainslover]

Yes, that is what I want to say. That Light is In You and when you find it you are the winner. Thank You!