Culture Shock

I wrote this for a group...thing...

Where the man came from, people weren't sure what he was fighting for
Where the children live, they fight forever
The man didn't know it would be like this
The children don't know anything else
The man had an assault rifle
The children don't have enough sticks to go around
The man had body armor
The children wear hand-me-down clothing
The man had combat boots
The children count themselves lucky to have shoes
The man would be leaving this country soon
The children know they'll never leave
The man would fly back home, if he survived his tour of duty
The children will walk back home and eventually die there, if they survive the day

Author's Note

I wrote this on the fly in response to a picture prompt (click the thumbnail to see the full image). I didn't pick the image; and no, I wasn't trying to be "pretentious" or any other such bullshit. I wasn't trying to "make a statement". I don't feel any more strongly about the US police actions in the Middle East than I do about any other war in history. Existence is predatory by nature, and war is just another example of that cold, hard fact. So if you were thinking of bombarding me with hate mail, don't bother- I won't read it.
However, if you liked it, feel free to let me know.

Reviews

[Tnig]

It looks like they are playing "Death by firing squad!". Ahh, being a kid was great, those were the days of such great imaginative games like, "Date rape" and, "Murderous religious fanaticous". Or who could forget the classic, "Mommy's takin' to many pills and won't wake up!" Beautiful.

[Sumary Prom]

You have honesty and it comes across naturally in your writing as I've seen. Keep it up.

The title fits as expected. I like the back and forth between the man and the children. It tosses me between tones of gratitude and pity, and it kind of made me think about how I really feel on whole. Overall, it's an interpretation of sorts that just might reveal some truth. Maybe, I don't know. I've only heard stories of the war over there.

Again, a nice read. Good stuff.

[Trixolomanea]

Wow, this poem really touched me! It's a shock indeed. There was no need for you to be wanting to make a statement, I'm actually glad that wasn't the aim (we have enough of those already) but I must say the message did come across.

Well done!

[Rasputin]

Thanks a lot.
I never liked this poem (I still don't), and the fact that so many people enjoy it is starting to f**k with my head. But don't get me wrong- I appreciate you taking the time to review it, and I'm glad you could dig it.

[A. V. Madison]

Such amazing work, Rasputin. Powerful, moving, staggeringly sharp images. Some the the best writing I've read in awhile. Keep up the great work, I just love how you can manipulate the written word into some so stunning.
Wickedly Yours,
Madison Van Ausdall
♥♥

[The Jay]

The juxtaposition of man and children's tale of survival of the fittest is brilliant.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

simple language yet powerful images, a moving poem.

[Muse]

wow...I read this...dare I say you have a heart? The Grinch must be careful writing something so sentimental...we might learn to like you. :)

[Erica Daubert]

I like the back and forth between the man and the children. Although in the same environment, they're living in two separate worlds. Writing the poem from two different perspectives definitely gave it more depth.

[TheMostSplendiferous]

This was a very powerful poem. Good job!

[Marie]

I like everything you write, because you're a good writer...but this isn't an especially good poem. Why? Because it's obvious, even withut your disclaimer, that you had no real feeling for it. You're the sort of writer who has to put yourself into your work. I'm not. I wish you'd write another story.