Without a goodbye.

Without a goodbye.

A Story by Rassoul
"

*

"
I lost alot of things, friends, family and many other things and everytime I lose something I get a different feeling. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel nothing at all, sometimes all I have to do is keep yelling and screaming and it works sometimes, until I lost you.

Losing you was like dropping a tear into an ocean and searching for it once again. And when I lost you, screaming and yelling and all these stuff didn't really work, it doesn't heal anything; not anymore. It's like putting your hand on my heart and then you plucked it fastly, I could feel my whole chest burn but I had nothing to say.

Why did you leave? you should've seen my pale-crying face at night; thinking about how painful it was to leave me. One day you're here and the other day you're gone. That's too much for me; almost mind-blowing. 

Did I deserve all this? you don't have the courage to tell me goodbye? Well, I do. Maybe I would send you a letter in the last whiskey bottle we drank together and I hope you suffer, just like I do right now.

-Rassoul

© 2017 Rassoul



Author's Note

Rassoul
Tell me your opinion about this.
And if there's any grammatical mistakes, let me know.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

This was very tragic and sad and it certainly had a lot of a deep emotions in it. I really liked how you built the emotions up through it and really showed the pain that it was causing.
Just a couple of small things; after a question mark you should start the next sentence with a capital letter. A lot is two words, not one. Also there's a few points where there's a word in the sentence which makes it not flow as smoothly as it could. Like here "all these stuff" these would probably be better as 'this'. "plucked it fastly," you don't really do something fastly you do it fast or quickly.
That's just my opinion though. It doesn't really take too much from the deeper point of this poem and the strength of the emotions. I loved the idea of the whiskey bottle, I thought it was very clever, but admittedly I don't like the idea of saying 'I hope you suffer' but that's definitely just my opinion of things. This was definitely a piece where the sadness of the emotions really came through and that was great to see.


Posted 6 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Rassoul

6 Months Ago

I really appreciate your review, thanks alot for being nice and thanks for telling me your honest op.. read more



Reviews

Rassoul,
"Without a goodbye"
What do we do with pain? In this poem loss is touched on and its effect on your soul.
The contrast between past relational changes and the most recent is placed in contrast which makes for a good application to your story; a vulnerable real one which many can identify with.
The writing is good with just a few possible changes which you will find upon examination. I wondered about the word fastly being one.
Blessings in yourlife and writing.
You might like my poem This Soul.
Kathy

Posted 2 Months Ago


Very touching, moved me to tears. Heartfelt.

Posted 5 Months Ago


I can feel the tragedy in this. The way you expressed your feelings is just so amazing. I really loved the "I hope you suffer" part, it shows the amount of heartbreak you are suffering from. Well done

Posted 5 Months Ago


Again, honest and powerful thoughts.
"Did I deserve all this? you don't have the courage to tell me goodbye? Well, I do. Maybe I would send you a letter in the last whiskey bottle we drank together and I hope you suffer, just like I do right now."
I did like the above lines. Would be a good way to express your thoughts. Thank you for sharing your words and thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 5 Months Ago


Rassoul

5 Months Ago

Thank you, Coyote.

I'm glad you like it.
Coyote Poetry

5 Months Ago

I did like and you are welcome.
Nice job, Rassoul!

Keep going.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Rassoul

5 Months Ago

Thank you so much!
I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes but nice job, i LOVED it!

Posted 6 Months Ago


Rassoul

5 Months Ago

Thank you, Brian.
This is so heartbreaking, yet so good

Posted 6 Months Ago


Rassoul

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your review.
This's amazing, keep writing more for us Rassoul.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Rassoul

6 Months Ago

I will, thank you so much!
Such a relief, nice job Rassoul

Posted 6 Months Ago


Rassoul

6 Months Ago

Thanks for your review, Kiddo!

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

720 Views
31 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 13, 2017
Last Updated on May 13, 2017
Tags: Losing, Separating, Goodbye

Author

Rassoul
Rassoul

Cairo, Egypt



About
I write to survive, I write to satisfy the devil inside. Omar Ashraf who also known as Rassoul. more..

Writing
Skin On Skin Skin On Skin

A Poem by Rassoul



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..