Separated or not?

Separated or not?

A Story by Rassoul
"

waiting for your soul to come home.

"
I can't leave you. I can't leave the only person who can make me smile. 

I can't leave the person who I'm madly in love with for some stupid reasons. I cannot give up on such a person like you, like I would give up on anything else but not you.

I cannot leave the pure heart who loved me this much. I cannot leave that cute smile that makes everyday of my life more beautiful and blessed.

I cannot leave my soulmate and my life partner who I promised that I'll continue my whole life with and do everything with. We can't just leave each other after all that. 

I can't just stop fighting and give up on what I want for some silly reasons or even good reasons, you're what I want then I gotta fight for it. No matter how hard it'll be, as long as you'll be with me in the end.

Don't say that we gotta separate because that ain't gonna happen. You're not something I would easily lose like this. I chose you, I chose to continue my life with you.

I'm in love with you, in love with every single detail about you, I just don't wanna search for you in someone else, I will never find someone like you again. You don't know how hard is it for me to leave you.

Separated or not? I don't know but I hope it's "Not". 

© 2017 Rassoul



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Author's Note

Rassoul
I wrote this from a really long time, like 18 months ago.

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Reviews

You feel the anticipation of heart ache in the future... good expression :)

Posted 1 Month Ago


I really like it, it's very beautiful and touching.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Nice one buddy. Also to suggest, Word 'We' would sound more pleasant than 'I' in future. :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


very touching and beautiful.....


Posted 4 Months Ago


This is very good! I laugh at your author's note becuz you think 18 months is a long time! *smile* Usually I'm not in favor of too much repetition in poetry, but you've used it very well here. You offer such large meaty chunks of meaning in between your repeated phrases, it doesn't seem like the repeated phrase makes up half the poem. It's just a nice accent. Also, I notice someone mentioned being more formal . . . I disagree. I like the way your writing is straightforward & spoken like conversation. You really convey the heartfelt feelings behind these words.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Amazing. Just try to avoid shifting in tone.

Posted 5 Months Ago


this is great, I would make it a bit more formal but I do enjoy the feelings this gives off.

Posted 5 Months Ago


I love the repetition that you use in this, and I love the wonderful message. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. However, using informal words like "gotta", "gonna", and "ain't" is not something that I would recommend doing. In certain pieces of writing, it would be fine, but it did not really fit into this particular piece well. Other than that, this was extremely well done and I look forward to your writing in the future.

Posted 5 Months Ago


touching write,i wonder how many people can relate to this

Posted 6 Months Ago


Rassoul

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much, wordman.
 wordman

2 Months Ago

breaking up is so emotional,tears and pain is all it will bring,but tomorrow may be a better day
• I can't leave you. I can't leave the only person who can make me smile.

Well it's obvious that you don't mean me. So the question isn't, "Who is is," the question is, why, as a reader, do I care that someone I don't know can't leave someone not introduced?

Perhaps were the language poetic, that, in and of itself, would bring me into this. But it's prosaic.

In reality, the first line says it all. The person can't leave because the emotional connection offsets the problems. So the next stanzas simply repeat that idea. In other words, you make your point. You drive your point home. You hammer your point deeper. You smash your point to pieces. You...

What you don't do is involve the reader. At the end we don't know the person speaking so far as background, age, situation, or ANYTHING meaningful. So the reader's emotional involvement is as great as if they heard the words spilling from an apartment window above where they're walking.

The short version: Stop telling and start showing. Make the reader live, not know about the story.

Posted 6 Months Ago


Rassoul

6 Months Ago

Thank you so much JayG for your review, I really appreciate every word you said.

But .. read more
JayG

6 Months Ago

• But I can't make the reader live inside a story of my own life,

Of course you can.. read more

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566 Views
25 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 8, 2017
Last Updated on June 10, 2017
Tags: Separated, Relationships, Guy, Girl, Leaving

Author

Rassoul
Rassoul

Cairo, Egypt



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I write to survive, I write to satisfy the devil inside. Omar Ashraf who also known as Rassoul. more..

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