Separated or not?

waiting for your soul to come home.

I can't leave you. I can't leave the only person who can make me smile. 

I can't leave the person who I'm madly in love with for some stupid reasons. I cannot give up on such a person like you, like I would give up on anything else but not you.

I cannot leave the pure heart who loved me this much. I cannot leave that cute smile that makes everyday of my life more beautiful and blessed.

I cannot leave my soulmate and my life partner who I promised that I'll continue my whole life with and do everything with. We can't just leave each other after all that. 

I can't just stop fighting and give up on what I want for some silly reasons or even good reasons, you're what I want then I gotta fight for it. No matter how hard it'll be, as long as you'll be with me in the end.

Don't say that we gotta separate because that ain't gonna happen. You're not something I would easily lose like this. I chose you, I chose to continue my life with you.

I'm in love with you, in love with every single detail about you, I just don't wanna search for you in someone else, I will never find someone like you again. You don't know how hard is it for me to leave you.

Separated or not? I don't know but I hope it's "Not". 

Author's Note

I wrote this from a really long time, like 18 months ago.

Reviews

[Hebe]

You feel the anticipation of heart ache in the future... good expression :)

[Jaymie-lynn R. Kittle]

I really like it, it's very beautiful and touching.

[Vishal]

Nice one buddy. Also to suggest, Word 'We' would sound more pleasant than 'I' in future. :)

[Donicca Dona L]

very touching and beautiful.....

[barleygirl]

This is very good! I laugh at your author's note becuz you think 18 months is a long time! *smile* Usually I'm not in favor of too much repetition in poetry, but you've used it very well here. You offer such large meaty chunks of meaning in between your repeated phrases, it doesn't seem like the repeated phrase makes up half the poem. It's just a nice accent. Also, I notice someone mentioned being more formal . . . I disagree. I like the way your writing is straightforward & spoken like conversation. You really convey the heartfelt feelings behind these words.

[Decidious wind]

Amazing. Just try to avoid shifting in tone.

[rowan.taylorrr]

this is great, I would make it a bit more formal but I do enjoy the feelings this gives off.

[Lilia]

I love the repetition that you use in this, and I love the wonderful message. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. However, using informal words like "gotta", "gonna", and "ain't" is not something that I would recommend doing. In certain pieces of writing, it would be fine, but it did not really fit into this particular piece well. Other than that, this was extremely well done and I look forward to your writing in the future.

[wordman]

touching write,i wonder how many people can relate to this

[Rassoul]

Thank you so much, wordman.

[wordman]

breaking up is so emotional,tears and pain is all it will bring,but tomorrow may be a better day

[JayG]

• I can't leave you. I can't leave the only person who can make me smile.

Well it's obvious that you don't mean me. So the question isn't, "Who is is," the question is, why, as a reader, do I care that someone I don't know can't leave someone not introduced?

Perhaps were the language poetic, that, in and of itself, would bring me into this. But it's prosaic.

In reality, the first line says it all. The person can't leave because the emotional connection offsets the problems. So the next stanzas simply repeat that idea. In other words, you make your point. You drive your point home. You hammer your point deeper. You smash your point to pieces. You...

What you don't do is involve the reader. At the end we don't know the person speaking so far as background, age, situation, or ANYTHING meaningful. So the reader's emotional involvement is as great as if they heard the words spilling from an apartment window above where they're walking.

The short version: Stop telling and start showing. Make the reader live, not know about the story.

[Rassoul]

Thank you so much JayG for your review, I really appreciate every word you said.

But I can't make the reader live inside a story of my own life, I tell what I feel and what happened to me sometimes, the reader liked it or not it's not my problem, it's my own story and I lived it, if you lived something like it you'll relate to it, but I don't have to explain every word I say so the reader 'live'.

[JayG]

• But I can't make the reader live inside a story of my own life,

Of course you can. You're the protagonist of your own story. People do it all the time. The problem is that when you talk about what's meaningful to you only you have context. So instead of TELLING the reader what's troubling you, make them live it.

As an example, instead of telling the reader that a certain person is a b*****d, make them live an event that makes them say, "That b*****d!"

The reader hopes to experience, not learn.

If all you're doing is writing to "get it out." as therapy, the piece has done its job and the reader is irrelevant. But for the reader you need to make it relevant TO THEM. Without that it's just another dismal damsel poem, meaningful only to you.

In other words, share the pain by showing, not telling. Check the local library, there are lots of books there on how to place your emotions on the page in a way that will make the reader live the events. It will be time well spent.