This is me not writing

This is me not writing

What are we living? because this is not living. life? don’t have one. fun, you mean the unreachable. Love? don’t get me started on that stupid thing that turn into a game and not into a spontaneous feeling from just looking deep into the eyes of that person that is just in that moment with you. 

I write because i’m tired, not suicidal but just f*****g tired of all the bull s**t and all the bullshit people that live their so called lives always worried of how they look in other’s eyes. 

The only thing that keeps me going is just music, sometimes because of its complexity and beauty but most of that time to fade reality, because reality sucks. It sucks more when you analyzed your life and the possibilities and you know you are just stuck, maybe in time or mentally but your stuck. 

the funny thing is that everything can fall apart and hit me in the ace with all its might but i don’t ever ever ever lose HOPE. Now you see my dilema, for a i guy that know’s everything is s**t, i keep pretty optimistic. Were that balance in knowing my current status but yet knowing is going to get better, i may be contradicting my self or maybe not the fact is that i feel like that, contradicted by life.

I’m frustrated, i’m 24 by this time my dad was making big money, my mom had me and my sister and their marriage was falling apart, but me, i got nothing going for me. My two big life relationships were long distance and ended with no closure, still waiting (pathetic) can’t forget about the first one, my first love. The ironic thing is that i talk like i’m in a hurry but i’m very very very patient, funny right? well not for me. 

Love oooh love, i can write for days and maybe years about love, from how i se it to what it has given to me, but the reality of it is that i’m a hopeless romantic and see the best in all people. Being like this has hurt me several times, thats why i keep to myself, i’m not one to give up easy at all, i fight for what i want and know when to let go when i have to. I just want a woman that makes me feel like a man and be happy to be in her life, and i want to make her feel like a woman and always with respect and never over stepping over her worth always appreciating every single second she dedicates to me and every breath she takes with me. She will never be my property, she will share her time with me and i with her, i will cherish her for the person she is and never would ask her to be anything else because i would fall in love with who she is not what she represents. I once experience something amazing that i never knew i felt, and that is that i don’t want to be with a person just to have someone by my side and to take care of me, i want to love because i want to love with nothing in return, i want to take care of someone because i have sooo much love inside i wan to give it to someone deserving and someone who will appreciate it with all there heart and soul. 

Like i said i can write about love. But i’m hurt and thats why i’m writing, you see sometime in life we want things that maybe we cant have or is not our time but i will never surrender, even if i die in this life without getting i will know i never stopped trying. 

just had to get that out of my chest.