Phantom of the Opera

Cloaked with dread 
Mask of shame
It wonders the halls
For those to blame
Scares of burn upon his face
A tragedy past was a decrease 
Once was shinning on the stage
Now a memory as the days age
Jealousy becomes betrayal 
Betrayal becomes death
Rising from the dust
Revenge is it's lust
He sings his sad melody
With sorrow and tears
The phantom of the opera
Forever all will hear

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this can apply to more than just the actual Phantom...lots of people feel their life has burned away...and they remain out of sight, feeling the shame of defeat...a cloak covering their disappointment...

needs some editing....but is a really excellent parallel.

j.

[Raven]

Thank you, i need honest feedback i agree with everything you said and will take it in heart. i do have a hard time seeing what needs to be edit but i will fix it.

[PWyates]

Nice! totally embodies the character in a world where he has almost complete and utter caricature. Also nice work with the sparsity of words.

[Raven]

thank you, i am new to writing. I do want to become a writer some day. So I am ok with any advice to help my work. It's hard for me to see smaller details sometimes,my head has a habit of being all over the place uncontrolabfvne. but thank you for your kind words