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I Feel


A Poem by Rawhide
"
Just a little ditty .... not a cry for help.
"

Warning
This story is rated Mature and may contain material unsuitable for readers under 18.

I Feel

I felt nothing before you
I feel nothing when we're apart

I need to hold you again
I must follow my heart

Your touch has left me scarred
Your touch is all I can recall

I slide you, sweet razor, across my skin
I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all


© 2009 Rawhide
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Author's Note
FYI: I was inspired by the song Pain by the group Three Days Grace.
My Review
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Featured Review

Nice meter here. Some of the lines (2, 5, 6, 7) are a bit long for the rhythm you set with the first sentence, though. I bet if you played a bit you could pare it down a couple syllables here and there. I like the hopelessness of it too--and if you do cut out a few syllables, that will amp up the lonely feeling. Also, I think you meant than in the last line, not that.

Posted 10 Months Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.





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