Teach Me Rhythm

Teach Me Rhythm

A Poem by Livana Lowell

I want to get lost in rhythm

like a leaf gets caught in the arms of the wind

to let my hips be fluid and my feet bend

to embrace the sway of moon and waves

I just want to let music notes dance between my fingers

like wine dances in my blood

and be intoxicated with an inspirational flood

pouring from my lips and my skin.

I'll perk my ears and quiet my grunts to listen

if someone would teach me rhythm.

Teach me how to move with life's rhythms

like how to rise with suns and moons

or how to be like flowers and bloom

or fall into the earth like soil 

or be as slick as oils

beneath paint brushes

or be in the feelings that births crushes

and roll into lovers 

I want to be as dynamic as rivers

and able to transcend into the wind

I'll perk my ears and quiet my grunts to listen

if someone would please teach me rhythm 



© 2016 Livana Lowell



Author's Note

Livana Lowell
Sooo, I found a way to edit this poem. Instead of saying how this poem was meant to be about life, I wanted to show it in the poem. Plus I felt like it was way too short. It started off being about dancing, but then took on a life of its own. Somehow it became a poem about life, art, and transcendence. I think it's a fun poem that rolls off my tongue, but let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and have a great day.

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Featured Review

I enjoy learning how a piece was writtern, so thanks for sharing that information in your author's note : )

Anyways, as for the poem itself, I must say that you did a great job of capturing all the beautiful essences of life and combining them into a wonderful poem. I found myself in a trance as I read this. I loved how the poem's meaning becomes deeper throughout ... it starts as a simple dance but ends as a journey through life. The symbolic meaning of the word "rhythm" really helped to bring that out.

As for critiques, I think this poem could benefit from the omission of some redundant words. Here are some examples:

1. I just want to get lost in rhythm.

The word "just" is redundant. Look at other lines where you use the word "just" and the same principle applies.

2. If someone would please teach me rhythm.

The word "please" is redundant.

3. like how to rise with suns and moons

The word "like" is redundant.


Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I enjoy learning how a piece was writtern, so thanks for sharing that information in your author's note : )

Anyways, as for the poem itself, I must say that you did a great job of capturing all the beautiful essences of life and combining them into a wonderful poem. I found myself in a trance as I read this. I loved how the poem's meaning becomes deeper throughout ... it starts as a simple dance but ends as a journey through life. The symbolic meaning of the word "rhythm" really helped to bring that out.

As for critiques, I think this poem could benefit from the omission of some redundant words. Here are some examples:

1. I just want to get lost in rhythm.

The word "just" is redundant. Look at other lines where you use the word "just" and the same principle applies.

2. If someone would please teach me rhythm.

The word "please" is redundant.

3. like how to rise with suns and moons

The word "like" is redundant.


Hope this was helpful.

- William Liston

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You didn't really need to explain all that in your author's notes (very clear in your poem already). I encourage you to trust your material & trust your process, not presenting your work with a long explanation. The fact that your stream-of-consciousness spiel is veering off into unexpected places is the main power of your message. Some spiels are incomprehensible, but this one is crystal clear & full of jivin' life which reflects the overall topic at hand. You show how to let go & let the message take its own course -- a very important part of creativity.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I love this! You create a beautiful image in the readers mind of being lost in the movement of the world. I think of spiritual enlightenment and religion as well from this poem, as they often attempt to attune us to this "rhythm." I could also definitely see a second poem about one's struggle to find a place within this "rhythm."

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

certainly, a very mind-refreshing poetry it is. some of the given lines i kinda adored reading:

to let my hips be fluid and my feet bend
to embrace the sway of moon and waves

very captivating. & being an erotic write, i find 'em very sensuous as well. tipptie tippie toes, huh? xoxo nevermind, nice imagery here!

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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258 Views
4 Reviews
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Added on November 9, 2016
Last Updated on December 20, 2016
Tags: dance, life, fluidity, rhythm, love, flow, art, transcendence

Author

Livana Lowell
Livana Lowell

Huntsville, TX



About
Sooo, hello guys! Not much to say about me. I've been a writer since I was in kindergarten. I used to write stories about dinosaurs surviving the meteor (my favorites ones usually lived) because I had.. more..

Writing