Untitled

Untitled

A Poem by Livana Lowell

Every free spirit wants to be like the wind
because it's nomadic and unpinned.
It can be in music and melodies.
It can be fierce and sweet
and that's good, 
but it's not me. 

Every free spirit wants to be like birds
because they're boundless and unperturbed
because they can fly away.
They can almost always escape,
and that's good sometimes
but it's not me. 

I want to be like water
because it's authentic and clear.
It runs in rivers just as much as the wind
It is everywhere,
from the ocean to the sky,
in our bodies and down our eyes 
It can take shape of whatever container it's in.
and still be itself.
just in different forms whether in ice or storms.

I want to be water
because being water is being in sync with life. 

© 2016 Livana Lowell



Author's Note

Livana Lowell
so this poem is kind of bad to me, but comments and criticisms are welcome.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
FIN
This poem is by no means bad, Jazzy!

You are comparing all of these beautiful things, all so close to life at its freest, but it's to represent you, which none of those do.

And then you land on a most beautiful part of life, for a strong substantial reason, to represent yourself: truly.

Water. Perfect; to me, is as free as it gets.

To steal a message from a mystic, yet again "When you throw a stone into water what does the water do, it does stone." It replicates all aspects of life but still remains it self. It is ever flowing and adapting, yet never refraining or fighting to be itself. Freeness in its most perfect essence.

And it also touches almost, if not every, part of existence (inwardly and outwardly so).

Sure, I feel you could compose the poem a little better; spend some more thoughts on each line, but what you have captured, in its essence is blissful to me. And tells a lot about you and your heart in the process, which makes for great art, in my eyes.

The flow and sentiment of the first stanza are perfect.
The second stanza I would edit the flow between the lines to match the smoothness of the first stanza:

Change the (period) of the third line into a (colon); or remove the (period) all together and change the fourth line "They can" into just "And" as well as remove the "And" from the second to the last line if you do, to remove repetitiveness.

The styling/flow would match the above stanza to evoke the same kind of freeness/openness desired. (Through my eyes)

The third stanza needs editing too, but I'll leave that up to you, whether or not you wish to continue the flow you started from whence you began.

All in all this has much potential and strong emotional content; just needs a few minor tweaks to polish it.

*Take what I've offered and do with as you please, regard or disregard*

Anyways,
Much love.

LR

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
FIN
This poem is by no means bad, Jazzy!

You are comparing all of these beautiful things, all so close to life at its freest, but it's to represent you, which none of those do.

And then you land on a most beautiful part of life, for a strong substantial reason, to represent yourself: truly.

Water. Perfect; to me, is as free as it gets.

To steal a message from a mystic, yet again "When you throw a stone into water what does the water do, it does stone." It replicates all aspects of life but still remains it self. It is ever flowing and adapting, yet never refraining or fighting to be itself. Freeness in its most perfect essence.

And it also touches almost, if not every, part of existence (inwardly and outwardly so).

Sure, I feel you could compose the poem a little better; spend some more thoughts on each line, but what you have captured, in its essence is blissful to me. And tells a lot about you and your heart in the process, which makes for great art, in my eyes.

The flow and sentiment of the first stanza are perfect.
The second stanza I would edit the flow between the lines to match the smoothness of the first stanza:

Change the (period) of the third line into a (colon); or remove the (period) all together and change the fourth line "They can" into just "And" as well as remove the "And" from the second to the last line if you do, to remove repetitiveness.

The styling/flow would match the above stanza to evoke the same kind of freeness/openness desired. (Through my eyes)

The third stanza needs editing too, but I'll leave that up to you, whether or not you wish to continue the flow you started from whence you began.

All in all this has much potential and strong emotional content; just needs a few minor tweaks to polish it.

*Take what I've offered and do with as you please, regard or disregard*

Anyways,
Much love.

LR

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I enjoyed this one, the only line I did not like too much was the
"just in different forms whether in ice or storms"
I feel like something else could replace that, but its awesome, and to be realistic, you could of kept going with the other forms people want to be, on and on you would go. I enjoyed.

Posted 10 Months Ago


I enjoyed the poem and I liked the below lines.
"I want to be water
because being water is being in sync with life. "
Water or wind is my preference. To be able to touch the four corners of our world. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 10 Months Ago


good poetry is life distilled. don't tell me why every spirit wants to be like water or birds - show me something that will lead me to that conclusion.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Livana Lowell

10 Months Ago

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
we are our own worst critics...i write poems that i feel totally unsure about...even dislike...but others' viewpoints will say opposite...and i will be quite surprised..i guess we are too close to what we right to be adequate critics...yes, the wind is free and spontaneous..water runs a certain direction and is clear...life isn't always..but if we flow with it...we might see within ourselves and find answers.

j.

Posted 10 Months Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

165 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on December 18, 2016
Last Updated on December 18, 2016
Tags: free spirit, poetry, freedom

Author

Livana Lowell
Livana Lowell

Huntsville, TX



About
Sooo, hello guys! Not much to say about me. I've been a writer since I was in kindergarten. I used to write stories about dinosaurs surviving the meteor (my favorites ones usually lived) because I had.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Bridging Love Bridging Love

A Poem by SZHZIA