Trails

Trails

A Poem by Livana Lowell

My mother counts time in her tears.
On her lap they vainly disappear.
Her eyes look like lonely dirt trails, beckoning me
to walk onto them back into her little girl
so she can be the mom she couldn't be,
but no one can rewind the world. 
I want to hug her still body 
and occupy those trails with the clarity 
of my womanly presence
for I hold nothing in my hands , but the present. 
The tears roll across her cheeks that look like mine
across her lips that question why she wasted so much time.
She looks pale as if frozen 
and it's not that I am ignoring the ice in her words,
it's just that for me, life blazes forward. 

© 2016 Livana Lowell



Author's Note

Livana Lowell
Sooo, my mom opened up to me about feeling sad she let my grandmother raise me. I wanted to capture that. Lemme know what you think.

I want to know did I paint a picture? Could you see yourself there? Did it move you at all?

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

This story-in-a-poem is told with a seemingly "flat" sense of "matter-of-fact" . . . not drama, not anger or pity . . . just observing the details of this situation. This gives your writing a sense of distance, like you're not really present & connected to the things you're describing, like the narrator is done caring. There are some poignant moments: "walk back into her little girl" . . . "no one can rewind the world" . . . "ignoring the ice in her words" . . . Your poem reminds me of my own mom who sorta "allowed" her daughters to be raped continually for years & much later, if one of us tried to say anything about our pain, it became drama-momma & all about HER pain. So I totally understand the way the emotion feels somewhat "shut down" in this poem, as it's not worth spending the emotional energy on this encounter.

Posted 9 Months Ago


This is an emotional piece and reading your author's note makes it more understandable... The tears in your mother's eyes can be read through your compassionate voice in this poem. Sometimes silence and tears speak more than words could speak...

Sincerely
Dhiman

Posted 9 Months Ago


Though it is a very sad thing, I believe this write embraces the moments of loss and gain, the truths and secrets. I love the way you referred the tears to time, as the tears held back of all the missing times between. Excellent

Posted 9 Months Ago


poignant and beautifully conveyed, the past can't be undone ...

Posted 9 Months Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Ty
Capturing the then and now.
Eloquent, proud and loud.

Posted 9 Months Ago


It feels like you and your mom had ups and downs, not sure which one outweighs the other. I feel like you're trying to recapture the importance of having your mother there, opening up to the unconditional love that should have been, but regardless of what happened between you and her, it was always there. This is very strong and emotional.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Your 'capture' is, had I read your Author's note first, would've taken me by surprise but since I read the poem first, reading the note makes the piece even more brilliant because of its unintentional (I think) indifference without losing the innocence.
With my 'story' being a similar one I can say confidently say that your grandmother probably did a better job, and offer, "at least your mom eventually opened at all and with truth."
A wonderful read, thanks for sharing

Posted 10 Months Ago


The tone and mood of the poem really captured my attention. As the reader, I could put myself both in the mother and daughter’s shoes. I felt what they felt. Very nice work.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i think there is so much feeling and emotion in this poem, i was checking my lap after reading it.

the What if's ....the why didn't i do things differently...they will haunt us till the day we die and there are no more tears to shed.

j.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

272 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 26, 2016
Last Updated on December 30, 2016
Tags: mother, childhood, wasted time

Author

Livana Lowell
Livana Lowell

Huntsville, TX



About
Sooo, hello guys! Not much to say about me. I've been a writer since I was in kindergarten. I used to write stories about dinosaurs surviving the meteor (my favorites ones usually lived) because I had.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


EAST & WEST EAST & WEST

A Poem by DIVYA