A final note

A final note, to whomever it may concern goodbye.

Dear whomever it may concern,

Please answer me these questions.

 What kind of mother doesn’t see the hurt and pain her daughter is put through every day? What kind of mother ignores the obvious to make her life easier? Who lives in a bubble and refuses to protect her daughter? Is it just me or will she let all her children live a pain filled life. A life lived in fear, a life were even my mother ignore me, to make her life easier. What kind of mother is she? Or maybe it’s my fault?

Was it my fault when he turned to hit me? I made him angry. I hurt him. I was the one who “snared him in my trap” as he says. Why shouldn’t he punish me for my faults? Why shouldn’t he hurt me for me hurting him? Trapping him to me. Love and hate are so similar so strong he loves me of course he does and when I anger him he hates me. And I hate him. But surely this is not what love is?

But then what is love? Is it lying and deceiving your husband to protect something that’s not even alive? Because that’s what I have done, I prevented a life being born to protect it. I hurt my husband and myself in the process. But I also stopped another innocent soul having to live a life a nightmare, where they sink into the robotic routine of work, to be ignored by any other living soul for their friends to reject them, until they meet a man who loves and hurts them just like their father hurt me. And when they turn to me for help they get to feel the pain of rejection all over again as I ignore their pain. What life is this? What kind of person would I be to bring a child into this word?

But apparently I’m a bad person. I robbed my husband of a child, my parents of a grandchild. I live a life in fear. I anger the one man who I should love unconditionally. I am an invisible woman in the world outside my own mind. I have let myself fail my friends and I do not live reality. Or what so many people seem to call reality. Do you think I’m a bad person?

My name is Amelia Heart and I am letting go. I refuse to live this life anymore. I can’t. I won’t. My existence is unneeded but there is one place, one place where I may be happy. I won’t tell you were, I don’t want you to ruin it but I will tell you this. Life in this world feels right in a crazy and brilliant way. It’s filled with love, acceptance and colour, it belongs to me and I share it with people who like me, love me. They may be odd but who isn’t? They accept me and this Is the life I choose to live.

To whomever it concerns,

Goodbye

Amelia heart

X

Author's Note

Ok so i wrote this for my current deviced piece in drama. I haven't pitched it to the group yet i thought it could be the final monolouge. The play is about Amelia the protagonist and how is lives such an horrible life and her only release her daydreams. Soon these daydream begin to blur with reality,they are crazy and weird but she loves them. And this is her final message before she lets go of reality and embraces her dream world through suicide. Anythoughts?

Reviews

[therisa]

As a survivor of abuse, I have been in this place, where death is the only options left, in dealing with the burden of pain. It's not a place you want to spend too long in, as it can eat you. You have perfectly captured in this monologue of yours. It a very powerful piece of writing. You might, what to share this, with the course instructor, first, as for some people, it may act as a trigger for them. Otherwise, it's brilliant piece of writing!!

[kyrie]

This is strikingly well-written. I definitely think it would serve very well as a monologue with it's points of love and hate, wrong and right, innocent and guilt, pain and freedom. Wonderful!

[MandaBear]

it was a very good story. i liked reading it. you could feel her pain and sadness and just imagine or at least close to it of how she felt. Great job!

[Schnookums]

I actually really like this, i can relate to the first 2 paragraphs and althought i'venot been throught the 3rd personally i've watched it ruin a marriage and she asked the same questions. It is beautifully written although i questions the final paragraph. By this world are you on about the place she won't describe or the actual world?