So, there's this friend...

... and he's beautiful. I don't just mean physically, but he is an incredible person. He's probably going to read this, so he knows who he is. And believe me, reader, he's the ultimate expression of pure bliss. We spend hours and hours, day after day, talking about the grand and the microscopic, the nonsensical and the hugely important. We share our darkest secrets between each other and care more deeply for one another than anyone I have ever known. Have you ever experienced that moment when you're talking to someone and you feel like you're floating, and your heart beats faster while you just gaze endlessly into their eyes?

I always find myself thinking about him... When I eat I imagine going out for dinner with him. When I'm in school I want him to be sitting with me so that we can talk about whatever's going on. When I'm laying in bed I imagine, I want and I need him to be laying next to me. You see, reader, I have an intense paranoia of two things: the sea and solitude. I can't go in the sea further than ankle-depth, and I can't stay alone without any noise and knowing that nobody within miles cares about me. I have this fear of being in danger, and when I talk to him, that fear disappears. I can't explain the overwhelming sensation of peace that follows after seeing his warm, relaxing eyes, but it's incredible.

He comforts me despite the fact that he has a lot to deal with. He cares more about me than anyone ever has and we've only known each other for three months. He makes me feel safe, comfortable and incredibly happy. I realised that before I met him I had nothing or nobody to live for. I would be waking up every day, going to school without any sort of motivation, arrive home and click endlessly for hours in front of my computer, bored out of my mind, and then I'd just rinse and repeat every day, over and over again. Suddenly my boy comes along and I have a reason to actually bother getting out of bed. I have a reason to put effort into everything, because there's a guy out there who gives me a purpose - and even if I can't have happiness, I won't rest until he does.

So, thanks for everything. My writing is almost always dark, gritty, warped, it's a product of thoughts that many people would be terrified to even imagine. But where there's a light, there's shadows. And you know what? The shadows may be there, but now I can see the light. There's a colossal distance keeping us apart, but I've overcome distance before - and I plan to do it again. I want to be happy, and honestly, all I need for that is to be at his side.

Baby, don't change. You're wonderful and truly unique, and you've done a lot more for me than you think. If we end up being able to hug and comfort each other, I will be happy. And even if we can't, all I need is your smile and your voice. Cheers.