A Prelude to Hell

Ugh!...

I'm sure there is a special pit In Hell with my name on it; the hottest flames reserved just for me.

Even if  I burned for eternity...at least I could see.

 

It is so dark and lonely here. I can not see a thing, but at least I dont have to face my reflection anymore. I am a monster. I hate myself. No creature of this earth should be condemned to walk the path that I own here. I cant breathe. I want to die, but there some slither of life burns in the pit of my stomach. It pokes and prods every time I move. The pain reminds me of the suffering I must endure before I will be given the peace of the icy hands gliding over my body. The light I walk into shall appear to me as atonement for my sins. 

That is IF, of course, I appease the ones. The Slither pokes me again.

 

It.

Desires.

Life.

 

Its been 4 long days since the silver cloud has hovered and rained down its rays of hope upon me, but it has been an eternity. My God, My God, I miss her beauty. The first thing I noticed was her pale thigh. One leg crossed over the other as she leaned back and sang a sorrowful song. Her long slender arms were perfectly sculpted. The jewels shimmered from the edges of her dress. A diamond pendant full of stars slumbered between two soft  collarbones. The song of hers seduced me so. I allowed my own spirit to separate from my body, to do with as she pleased.

Her Pale skin stood in opposition to the Onyx sky. The curves of the silhouette  were highlighted by the golden moon light as she brushed glowing strands of silver hair away from her icy blue eyes and peeked directly into my soul. The bands of gold around her wrist jingled as she blew a kiss from her small feminine hand and coated my face with stardust. I fell to my knees hopelessly. The slither forced its way through my insides and tore my chest open. My stardust coated heart now wheeps. Each beat feels as if it will shatter. My lungs crackle with each breath. Her eyes roamed through my soul. Never had I  known such fear. I was afraid....and naked.

 

She simply wants to be loved. She is alone as I. She wants to be loved for eternity. I could give her such a life, but I look up at her astonishing elegance....then down at my own face in the water below and I don't understand why she would waste such beautiful light to create a reflection as hideous as my own. Her destiny is to bring hope and beauty to this dreadful world. Sure, I could save her right now, but to do that I would have to destroy the legacy of her own and the future of the entire world. I should save her from her estranged lifestyle, but her suffering will give birth to something magnificent.

 

I want to leap. I want to leap into the sky and take her into my arms and give my absolute unconditional love. I want to soar into that cloud, tear my way through and fall back to earth with her in my arms.... having not a care in the world about what happens after we crash into the earth. Love is to live in the moment.

 

I hate myself. I have too many sins to count. I have too many sins to remember. I have sins I will never atone for because they are forgotten. I look at her icy blue cheeks and know that such beauty would only be tarnished by my fingers. My touch would eat away at her like cancer. Perhaps she is an angel. Maybe she is God's forgiveness smiling down on me. It doesn't matter. God's intention has no room here. My soul is closed t. I can not forgive myself.

 

For reasons to some...excuses to others.....I turned my back. 

 

I prayed do not shine for me....for I will take my own life. I proclaimed...

AWAY FROM ME WITCH!!!

 

This is when I begged her not to shine for me. And for rejecting such perfection...

I shall surely burn.

Author's Note

Sometimes we don't feel worthy of overwhelming love.
Fear would have us settle less...for reasons left unknown.

Reviews

[A.M. Everlasting]

I love this. From the beginning, the lines present such conflict and emotion that it's almost hard to read. You gently pulled your readers in, then its as if I could feel the flames surrounding me as I moved from word to word, sentence to sentence. You used amazing metaphor and descripition. An excellent submission to my contest :)

[.]

~~ wow... this is an astounding piece... ~~ you've used a familiar image brilliantly to describe (rather uniquely) a dimension of the human psyche which is inexplicable... or maybe the right word is incomprehensible... ~~ sometimes i think that we walk away because we're not at the same plane as the one offering that love and so we cannot reciprocate... ~~ at other times, i think that we feel too vulnerable because if someone loves us that much, then they get affected by everything that happens to us... and that affects us intensely... ~~ i've seen someone get affected by me and it's somewhat scary...

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

You always give me things to think about. lol...You challenge me even through your reviews.
Thanks for taking time for such a long one.

[.]

~~ it's you who challenges me first... i just return the favour... :P ~~ the privilege is all mine...

[G. Marie"floating on an..]

Wow I know this sounds like I'm being lazy to make explanations but I am just so overwhelmed by this piece of art I don't even know what to say. It is just amazing the metaphor the suspense and mystery of it omg omg omg thats all I can say and I have learned something from you on the way i hope!!!!!!!!!!!!! and job well done i see you did take one piece of my advice though lol beyonce not lol

[deeps]

I hate myself. I have too many sins to count. I have too many sins to remember.
I have sins I will never atone for because they are forgotten.

I so loved these lines the best. Isn't this the truth with most of us.
Not too many people can admit to it.
I like this, very well written and said.