How can I explain myself?

What do you do when all you want to do is tell a particular person the truth! I tell you what you do, You write it all down!

Life is a dream. You try to escape it but you are never able to make it, the only way to change the dream, is to take control of your life and find something that you can fully enjoy! However this dream is something I don't know how I can contol

He just stares with his intensed emerald eyes. Can't use his soft smooth voice to talk, goofy smile,or even just a glance, a pleased sign to see you. I'm just a shadow to him. His girlfriend is all he notices. all I ask is a warm hug, his arms around me just once.  

He is with someone, how can I expect him to do all these things. He won't be happy to see me would he?  I'm just a friend. Nothing more. His interests in me and nothing more than a 'bland occasional good to talk to friend'. I care about him so much. My heart just bleeds knowing that there is nothing more that I can do, but watch and look!   There are people who are interested in me but I can't think about them in that way. Not only are they annoying but I can't relate, talk or even understand why they are interested in talking to me. ARE THEY INTERESTED IN TALKING TO ME SO THEY CAN GOSSPI TO THEIR FRIENDS!?!?!?!?!?!

Who knows what goes on in his head, any guys' head for that matter. Are they trying to leave clues? Does anyone even know what goes on in their heads?

I don't even know why I try to analyse them. I would win a BAFTA, a letter from the queen... all kinds of things to understand them. But there is no point in this case because even if I won all these things it wouldn't help. It would not help to control how I feel or what i'm have learnt from it. Everything i feel or need to understand depends on what I learn from him.

Just as i'm about to say something a premonition occurs and I just step into their shoes. I finally realised what would happen if I ever make that mistake. How would I be able to live with myself knowing that I was the cause for whatever happens to him.

As I gather my thoughts and turn them against my mind. He says something funny and all those thoughts just come flooding back.

So, now all I can do, is watch and stare as me and my thoughts are binded together to fight this war, Between me,myself and I.

Author's Note

Tell me your thoughts. All is welcome.
Please ignore grammar mistakes