Rare

Not much potential.

He got on with a ticket cut

out of a glossy bit of stationary.

He was a young man

with nothing going for him.

He sat there

as the train blew its way

from Manchester.

It began to rain as the train

shed its passengers

at a station.

The people entered the shops,

spoke to attendants,

purchased things

at storefronts. The young man

had a drink.

He could see the economy passengers still

funneling out of the locomotive

with their white stuffed shirts,

tag-along luggage, teddy bears.

The Beer he ordered was cold

and dark,

with a healthy head of tan foam.

The bartender was unlike the women he had known.

There was genuine

humor in the way she held

herself.

She seemed well liked

among the other patrons.

A general air of laughter

laid light upon them all.

An elderly couple far

from the bar

at a booth

held hands,

the servers spoke in gently

about their soldier boys

across the channel,

little flowers of chance danced

through puddles.

The young man watched the rain

drive hard on the platform.

He wanted to stay in that bar forever.

Everything was beautiful,

and would remain beautiful there.

But then the tin whistles blew,

the train lurched

and the young man thought

he would just let it go.

He might catch the next one

in half an hour.

But as the train bloated with people,

he found himself

finishing his drink,

tipping fifteen percent,

and stepping out into the downpour.

The rain darted across his brow,

it wept down his cheeks

as the entered the train

to somewhere.

Reviews

[jennifer little]

great write keep up the good work loved the poem

[Coffee Vampier]

It was a little difficult to read and fully understand. I mean the story was direct but adding similes or metaphors would be a more solid way of writing. it's like if you wrote a book, you want to see imagery in the showing you what's happening then being told whats happening.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the story in the poem. I liked the thoughts and the place described. Watching life and people. Leave us wishing for better place and destination. I like the ending to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[wordman]

this is a great story,could very well be true..

[matrixmark]

I really likes this piece a lot. The sentence wer short and puchy - just what a reader wants to see. Your writing portrayed great images of a train station and a man watching the world go by.

Simple, yet brilliant.

Mark.

[:o]

another lost soul on board. you wrote this extremely well.