The secret with in me

It's a secret that i keep with a lock and key..

The secret with in me, i find it hard to express me. To express who i am, and who i wanna be. My secret is not that most find acceptable. Others might find it weird, In a way i find it weird. Yet i know that there are tons of people out there who are with me. Yet why can i not get past this shame i feel acting upon who i am. No i am not talking about my sexuality, i am Bisexual and everyone knows. It goes a bit deeper then that, It goes to a level that is usually hidden with in a select community. The secret with in me that i have carried under lock and key for so long is my love for the BDSM community. 

In a way it frees me, it makes me feel like me. I am at my happiest when i am in my fursona as a fox, or even a mistress over a submissive. I enjoy the community, full of acceptance, full of love and loves the human body no matter what form it is in. Yet, this will only come out if i can break my shell, that constant voice that is with in the back of my head. That voice that screams, but wait!!! What would others think of you, i know that should not matter. Yet it is still hard to come to terms on who i am. I am a mother of two girls, so part of me feels like i should not do this. But wait, i am trying to teach my girls to love who they are, when i my self cannot fully accept who i am. 

Part of it strives from where i live, how i was raised. The shame and fear of being thought of different, but i am different. We all are different. I tell my girls every day to embrace who they are no matter what people think. Yet for some reason i still feel shame. Maybe part of it started with my ex husband, when i took that leap to express who i am. What i enjoy, and in a way he made it seem like it was weird. So, is that the underline of my self doubt in who i am? The tipping point in the constant struggle to embrace something i love. 

I am now with a partner who i know will not look at me weird when i have my fox play set on. Who will not look at me weird when i get into character. Yet, knowing all this i cannot get past that part of me who keeps screaming, What will others think. It is that small doubt that i hold in me, that i try to not let my girls have, that is holding me back. This is the secret i keep under a lock and key, and this secret is me. 

Author's Note

Please feel free to comment.

Reviews

[Deco]

While this is very good, and it is. It strikes me more as a diary entry than a story--maybe the makings of a memoir, which, to me, explains the introspective feel it has... But i think that it was written well. The world need its kinky souls too i suppose. I liked the writing. Good work. :)

[Terohime]

oh i thought i selected biography. Humm might have glitched. But thanks for the comment. ^_^

[Deco]

I could be that too. Just a suggestion. And you are welcome.

[Wølfy]

Nothing is wrong wit BDSM. Many people like it. I for one find it fun. :D I only wish I could find a girlfriend that shares the same love for it.

Gee, BDSM stands for:
Bondage/Discipline, Dominant/Submissive, Sadist/Masochist

[Gee]

What is BDSM ?? I must have led a sheltered life eh...