Crying Heart

When you went away

I had nothing left to say

And all I could do

Was to wipe my tears away

Then every tear in my eye

Asked me for the reason why

They had to fall out of my eye

Like the rain from the sky

Here I am, sitting on the porch

Drowning in the sea of sorrow

And I ask myself only one thing

What did I do to make you leave?

Reviews

[Skeidmdmf]

Definitely feel this pain. It always takes two to cause hurt or estrangement, this is brief but powerful.

[Cassie]

Sad!!! what did I do to make you leave, very nice poem. Good job

[AK]

Wow! I love this poem! It has a gripping rhyming scheme that sticks to your head. On the darker note, the emotions are so subtle, yet so powerful. Loved it! Keep writing!

[Aehr]

thank you!

[AK]

:) anytime

[Alicia Beavis]

Interesting piece and I like the reflective nature of it. Ending with a question always leaves the reader with a world of answers to give. Nice.

[Southern Cross]

A beautiful piece. We always seem to blame ourselves for the loss, when it probably is not our fault. I liked the emotions in this and have just one small criticism, "Was wiping my tears away". It would sound better if stated..."was wipe my tears away"..I am sure it's just the English use of the verb wipe that is confusing for you not the intent.
"

[Laura Maidah]

Your repetition of "eye" in the second stanza was a bit weird for my tastes. Maybe try a revision? "Then every tear that I cry/ asked me for a reason why/ they had to fall out of my eye/ like the rain from the sky". The slash marks represent a line break. It's a moving, powerful piece. Sorrow is captured here exquisitely.

[Suditi]

It is a heart crushing write.
Intriguing almost.

Then every tear in my eye
Asked me for the reason why

I dont know why, but i cant get over these lines! They are simply stunning.
A great write.

[Sleeping Maiden]

So Heartfelt. I've been here before as well. The pain hurts.. but this is well expressed. I love the wondering question in the end. it sums everything up.