22.04.1983

“How was your Biology test?” Josephine asked me, sipping her apple juice with her straight red hair gently kept on her shoulders. “Great! It was easy.” I said throwing my empty soda can in the waste bin. Just then, on the beautifully yellow painted wall of the canteen, I saw a shadow. It was the shadow of a girl, staring at a flower in her hand, and a little creature sitting below, with his tail wagging wildly. I looked at the window behind our table and there I saw a little girl. She had a marigold flower in her hand. She had pretty golden and curly hair with the rich and brilliant colour of sunshine. She was wearing an orange, flowing dress with a red apron tied on to it. She was a girl of maybe 5 or 6 and was playing with her dog she kept on calling Noodles. “How sweet!” I exclaimed and looked towards Josephine. I asked her to look outside and see the girl, but when we looked again, we saw no one out there. No person, no sound, in short �" nothing. “Nice meadow…. Is that what I should be looking at?” Josephine replied rather sarcastically. I said nothing and continued staring at the grass. All I could see there was the marigold flower thrown on the green grass and stepped on. When no one noticed That day while going home, I met an old lady who used to live in our locality long time ago and was said to be lost with her grandson. I did not really know her but I did feel pity for her. She was in a way bad state than in what I had heard about her. She was thinner and hungrier. Her eyes were red and sore with crying. Her wrinkles had increased more than before. I knew that she was a poor lady. So I took her home, gave her some money and told her to wait while I got some food. But when I came out, I didn’t see anyone. So I went back. Just then a message came to mobile saying…

Janice!!! I’ve got news for our school article. Meet me outside

the City Church! Now!!!

I grabbed my cell and crossed the road, then left, and in a narrow lane, the City Cathedral stood. I saw Josephine waving at me near the church, now grinning. “Hey look at this!” she said running towards me as she took out an old tattered diary from her pocket. “See”

She said. I looked at it carefully, and then the diary fell down. A certain page opened up, as I picked it up. I read it and it thrilled me.

“       22.04.1983

Dear diary, 

                  Noodles is going completely crazy now-a-days. He dosen’t seem to keep very well. Grandma has wandered off with Sam my little cousin in her apron, again. Well, I’m going to buy eggs. I’m baking a cake with mom!!! Bye.”

     

                   

1983? Noodles? Apron? Grandma? Sam? People whom I saw!!! From 1983? How? Questions began to crowd my head. “These people died on 22^nd April’1983. And they are believed to come back on every 22^nd April, every year to be seen by a particular person and to make them believe that ghosts exist. Some old stupid story, I believe. But this is perfect for our article!” Josephine said smiling. My eyes were widely open and they didn’t seem to close shut, no matter how much I tried. Somehow, out of my  speechlessness, I asked her “Josephine, what’s the date today?” “Oh, the 22^nd of  April!” she replied casually, not noticing anything. Nor my expression, nor the story. I was astonished for sure, yes I was.

Reviews

[Dusty]

Like others have already said there are a few grammar errors, however, I feel that it still a great story. If you were to clean it up a bit and fix the indention errors for dialogue, this would be a much better story. With that said, I still enjoyed the story quite a bit. The last line really delivered and wrapped it up nicely. Great job. :)

[Laura Maidah]

A few SPaG issues. Maybe look into that. A few examples of literature always help me when I have formatting issues, like in transitioning into dialogue segments. Every new speaker merits a new paragraph in fictional writing. Some redundancy. Nothing you can't edit. For example, you talk about "the shadow" and repeat yourself. It's already implied once you bring up the word. We can connect the dots, you know? But you're a great writer. Keep up the good work!

[Delilah Plain]

Good story. I've only noticed some gramatical problems.

First, when a character is speaking, their speech should be separate from the rest of the paragraph. For example:

"It's a beautiful day," said Arthur as he grabbed his girlfriend's hand.

"Yes it is" she agreed.

Paragraph continued here.
~~~~
Also, that first paragraph should be broken up. When you start explaining the girl is when you should break it.

Keep writing and reading other's writings. The only way to improve is to keep reading and writing. You seem to have very good ideas. Your English is very good, too. Keep improving! :)