Mama

Mama

A Poem by Rhia Barton
"

A child is confused about the sounds they hear at night.

"

Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-knocking on my door

That wakes me up in the night

It beats 1-2-3-4

Gives me such an awful fright


Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-scratching in my wall

That wakes me up in the night

I hold onto my doll

Gives me such an awful fright


Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-sliding ‘cross my floor

That wakes me up in the night

Drags itself with its claws

Gives me such an awful fright


Mama

What’s the sound

That comes a-growling under me

That wakes me up in the night

Makes me hide in my sheets

Gives me such an awful fright


Mama
What’s the shadow

In the corner


Mama

What’s the


Mama

Why is there a man


Mama


Hello Mister Smiling Man

© 2015 Rhia Barton


Author's Note

Rhia Barton
Whipped this up in about fifteen minutes, just something that occurred to me as I listened to the song 'Mama', by My Chemical Romance. Very different to the song, however, and I'm actually quite happy with this poem in both the structure and content. Let me know what you think :)
This poem was a winner of the 'Scare me' contest, ranking 3rd!

My Review

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Featured Review

and that man is probably Papa...

and he is smiling through the teeth of a perverted abuser...

the speaker of the poem will most likely grow up way too soon and blame herself for what has occurred...

and later the only response from Mama will be "i told you there would be days like this"
the conspiracy of abuse....there is no punishment that is enough for this.

a moving piece...i liked the point of view from the child...

well done


Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

9 Years Ago

Thank you for the review and I particularly enjoyed your interpretation :)



Reviews

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Not too bad.

I'm usually not a poetry man, but I must admit that I read this in song form and found it very nice.

I personally would have made it into a full length short story, but as it is, it's freaking well put together.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Something about children makes everything worse.
The fact that they can't really protect themselves enhances fear.
I am not a parent. Not yet, anyhow.

To me, I think the worst possible fear would be one of my children facing a danger while I was not there to protect them. To know that something is haunting them and me being unable to assist. While this is a feeling I have never experienced, nor do I ever wish to, I'd imagine it as the most dreadful experience possible for a parent.

The sheer fury and frustration would be unimaginable.

So when it comes to the Idea behind the Poem, It's a touching if somewhat disturbing theme. I always rush and try to see things brought to film or theatre, and this kind of poem seems as though it would be a terrifying song to include in a play. And I mean that in a good way. So many terrible things happen in this world, but I'd rather not get into that now. We're here to review your poem, not to ponder upon the horrors of this world. Beside, I'm a rather optimistic person.

The poem is written well. It flows in my mouth properly and doesn't seem to have any stalling points.
Personally I think the poem can be better without the line ''Give me such an awful fright' being used there. Mechanically it's a good use of the repetition and it fits, but somehow it just plays out better without it in my humble opinion.

Thank you very much for the Poem.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Hi, Rhia,
It's just Richard, come along to read and review for you, and I like what I see … very much so.
Skillfully and creatively rendered, the Quatrains (framed by effective refrains) make this a truly original presentation in form that highlights the timbre of emotion perfectly.
Besides the obvious intent to scare us (which gave me gooseys), so many interpretations of what may be the impetus of this child's fear flurry through my own creative mind, that "Mister Smiling Man" could be the result of many things imaginative and illusionary to an innocent mind, even factual mishaps.
Ahhh, but I'm certain you wanted our own mind's to wander, and wonder, eh?

I feel sure, too, you're well on your way to notoriety in the poetic world, but I'd really like to see your skills include proper grammar, to complete the mastery of your work.
Splendid stuff, Dear Lady-Poet, and I loved it, in a rather macabre way! ⁓ Richard

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it gave you goosebumps (that's t.. read more
Richard🖌

7 Years Ago

Rhia,
It is I who gratefully thank You for sharing your amazingly creative efforts.
A .. read more
Quite chilling. Loved the flow of words as the poem progressed. The ending was scary. But it was superb. :D

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

8 Years Ago

Thank you, scary was what I was going for :)

Very effective in its build-up to a chilling ending!

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much :)
Okay! The poem is amazingly crafted. The point of view of the child is beautifully depicted. However, the ending did terrify me! :P All in all ... an amazing piece of writing. :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

9 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the positive review!
and that man is probably Papa...

and he is smiling through the teeth of a perverted abuser...

the speaker of the poem will most likely grow up way too soon and blame herself for what has occurred...

and later the only response from Mama will be "i told you there would be days like this"
the conspiracy of abuse....there is no punishment that is enough for this.

a moving piece...i liked the point of view from the child...

well done


Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

9 Years Ago

Thank you for the review and I particularly enjoyed your interpretation :)
That ending is terrifying ! Really, really suspenseful !

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

9 Years Ago

Thank you, that's what I'm aiming for!
Beautifully constructed! I felt as though I could very much feel what you were saying

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

9 Years Ago

Thank you for the review!
This one, I love this poem, and you add ''mama'' around it (it reminds of how I call my mother when I have a question or something) I can feel the emotion around it, I really do.
I love this poem, Keep up the good work!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rhia Barton

9 Years Ago

Thank you so much for the positive review!

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711 Views
11 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 28, 2014
Last Updated on February 1, 2015
Tags: horror, monster, child, imagination, scary, dark, night

Author

Rhia Barton
Rhia Barton

Milton Keynes, Bucks, United Kingdom



About
Horror, fantasy and sarcasm. more..

Writing
PTSD PTSD

A Poem by Rhia Barton



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