fate ~ (tragic)

fate ~ (tragic)

A Poem by Richard
"

Sedoka is a Japanese form older than the Haiku by over 100 years. It is actually two or more verses joined into one with a syllable-count of 5/7/7-5/7/7, etc; no rhymes or capitalization, any topic.

"



tiny flame-flickers
   piercing farthest deepest dark
      life’s wings seduced to unfurl
flitting circling
   drawn ever nearer each beat
       gossamer spanning veins burnt
falling in spirals
   eternal alluring sighs
       thus love's dreams each borning die

    rwjenkins
        ©2015




© 2015 Richard



Author's Note

Richard
Honest, constructive reviews, please.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

the moth/flame metaphor is refreshed in you poem ...really like your third line ... the irony of all life is its death ...a good thing to ponder says i! not nearly talked of enough ... last night it occurred to me how easily human death is generally accepted but never a thought to the earth, the universe ... i suppose while we keep those bodies more or less immortal ...there can be hope for human kind ... lots of thoughtful expression Richard ... i have read a few sedoka here at the cafe but still appreciate the lesson as i forget "stuff" sometimes ;) well fitted title and pic is mesmerizing
E.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

6 Months Ago

Well, My Friend,
Here I am late again, stumbling onto another review the site failed to let m.. read more
Einstein Noodle

6 Months Ago

yes ..i agree whole-heartedly sir! it is a constant companion ... a friend once dread fear is dissip.. read more



Reviews

Beautiful writing, for me a celebration of life a part of which is, of course death which I think of as moving from one kind of life/existence to another, the first two lines "do the job" for me, a lovely idea of a tiny flame in deepest dark for me, an indication that hope is always there even if difficult to see sometimes. I had never heard of Sedoka before.A well chosen image and all in all a great learning experiience for me.Thankyou Richard

Posted 5 Months Ago


Oh my.... First, the image is beautiful.... and a perfect choice for your wonderful Sedoka..

Richard, I suggest you write many more, in this style..
I love every word..............

Jazzy

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

6 Months Ago

Oh, Lady Jasmine,
To receive this level of appreciative praise and warm approval from such an.. read more
J. J.  Nightingale

6 Months Ago

You are welcome... I may give it a try.. may need a little guidance .....:)....
Richard

6 Months Ago

I'm always at your behest.
the moth/flame metaphor is refreshed in you poem ...really like your third line ... the irony of all life is its death ...a good thing to ponder says i! not nearly talked of enough ... last night it occurred to me how easily human death is generally accepted but never a thought to the earth, the universe ... i suppose while we keep those bodies more or less immortal ...there can be hope for human kind ... lots of thoughtful expression Richard ... i have read a few sedoka here at the cafe but still appreciate the lesson as i forget "stuff" sometimes ;) well fitted title and pic is mesmerizing
E.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

6 Months Ago

Well, My Friend,
Here I am late again, stumbling onto another review the site failed to let m.. read more
Einstein Noodle

6 Months Ago

yes ..i agree whole-heartedly sir! it is a constant companion ... a friend once dread fear is dissip.. read more
Thank you for introducing 'sedoka'.
This is intricately etched with emotions and each line had in-depth beauty.
"eternal alluring sighs"

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

6 Months Ago

Thank you, Tazeen, ever-so happily and gratefully. : )
You are very welcome, too, for an intr.. read more
Richard,
"Fate-(Tragic)This writing was a contrast between the dark of hopelessness and the allure of realized expectations. We live in both places in this life.
A heart trys to fly, to find a place of comfort-belonging and love. We try; we also at times fail; thus,"Tiny flame flickers.....Drawn ever nearer each beat." and "gossamer spanning veins burnt."
A great thinking piece.
Blessings,
Kathy

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

6 Months Ago

Goodness, Kathy!*
Few (if any) I know of delves and perceives more deeply the core essence an.. read more
Kathy Van Kurin

6 Months Ago

Richard,
Oh gosh, I am really humbled. I don't hardly think I am all that, but gosh thank you.. read more
Richard

6 Months Ago

Every word inspired by You! : )
Oh my goodness. I had to read this a few times to squeeze out every last drop of its goodness! I will probably reread it again after this review! The subject you chose to illuminate... (see what I did there?) it's outstanding the illustration of it!! I'm literally blown away with the depths of this piece.
This is elegantly done! It's going in my favorites for sure!! My words are failing to capture the praise I want to give you for this piece!! I LOVE IT!! My highest praise words are usually this is CRAZY AWESOME SAUCE! But with this delicate piece I'm reaching for new words that are just not there! Well penned! Hands down favorite!
Tabby

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

7 Months Ago

Mm,Tabby!
Be mindful of cuddling too close to the flame! ; )
Yes, I see your metaphori.. read more
Tabby Mac

7 Months Ago

It's my pleasure and the only way I know how to be! I'm glad I don't always have the big words like .. read more
Richard

7 Months Ago

Oh, I've no doubt, whatsoever, Tabby, you could express beautifully, fully, and completely any feeli.. read more
and why must those dreams die?...or maybe why must we dream..only to watch them go up in smoke? Sometimes i think the realist in this world have it right....this world is too dark for the dreamers that look to the stars and long for more.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

7 Months Ago

Dear Susan*
I think in your own wondrously poetic questions and expressed knowings, lie the g.. read more
I'm very careful of trying to interpret the intent and meaning of someones work unless it just comes out smacks you on the face. So I won't here. If it is simple, you have my permission to come find me and smack me on the face. (Though not hard please) . The words that are used seem somewhat dark to me. The last two words used are at opposites. Beginnings and ends. It is a good form and the sentiment portrayed is enthralling. I mean that. Have a good day. CD

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

It's about love in metaphor … using the imagery of a moth drawn into a candle's flame to its demis.. read more
A marvellous piece of writing and thanks for sharing the information on something that's new but very old.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

7 Months Ago

Hi, Andrew!
Your fine review here is another of those gifted during a time when the site wasn.. read more
I love the form of the Sedoka, and it is metered to perfection. Love's dreams may each borning die; but like a phoenix, they always rise anew. Love this!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

2 Years Ago

Gosh, Linda!
I am so very sorry, Sweetheart, for missing your wonderfully enlightening, beaut.. read more

First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe

Advertise Here
Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

Stats

489 Views
12 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on May 19, 2015
Last Updated on September 1, 2015

Author

Richard
Richard

TX



About
From the darkness I come to darkness I return, my life but a spark in the night. "MY BLOGS" (click on Blog in the menu above).............................. 1) Reciting Vs Silent Reading 2) On Fre.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..