THE BIRD IN ME (poignant)

THE BIRD IN ME (poignant)

A Poem by Richard
"

Unmetered Quatrains in a simple rhyme scheme.

"
The Bird In Me photo 57481c7bdf8a343da2afe2c8978d005b_zpsq11j3ya5.jpg

"A Heavenly Contest Winner"

© 2017 Richard



Author's Note

Richard
Sort'a in a sad mood this morning — not one of my best efforts, but just needed to get it out … hope no one will mind; at least, it is a little creative and therapeutic.

This piece is embellished with Letter Lace (see my Blog on this,technique).

Constructively critical reviews are always welcome and appreciated. : )

My Review

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Featured Review

Who is the hunter saying, "sure?" to? Is it himself so as to come across as sarcastic? Is it a conscious thing you're getting at? Maybe he's answering the "voice in his crown."

I think this is sooo sad, but the rhythm is really good. The happy tone created by the rhythm mixed with the sad theme of the poem created an irony I enjoyed. It reminds me of the self criticizing part of ourselves. The bird represents for me the talent that springs from our being and then the hunter is the critical part of ourselves that can shoot down our inner potential. I'm not into simple poetry all that much, but I like the simplicity of this.

Thanks for sharing! Have a great day! Congratulations on winning the contest.

Posted 11 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Richard

11 Months Ago

Hi, dear poetess! : )
I am so very happy to find you've been here, leaving some of your deli.. read more



Reviews

The tenderness, the gentleness, the sensitiveness, the beauty, the source of glorious feelings, my core, this free singing bird inside me, soaring with my dreams, lifting up my musical spirit, singing inside with my poetic voice, turning each ethereal tone into a written word… pain can haunt it down, the world can haunt it down, fate can haunt it down, some rude people can haunt it down… can hurt that gentlest core… this is a profound poem, and You've described with an ironic manly way, a wounded Bard in the most beautiful, touching, manly poetic way.

Posted 3 Months Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Light

3 Months Ago

Yes, I know he will dance inside happily again, the "core" never dies, I can hear him from here... s.. read more
Richard

3 Months Ago

I hear him, too.
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Gee
If it were a chicken....ooh I love chicken. Emotions change, feelings change. One minute the bird might be the best thing since sliced bread, the next, its toast. I like reading you Richard, seldom comment as " I like this " can grate

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

8 Months Ago

No grating here, Gee, as I am not cheese or nutmeg … LOL!
I like it that you got it so righ.. read more
Ah, but it is so poignant! Poignancy too has its place. It is cathartic! gets you better. I thought you poem was so beautiful ... no really. And so well presented. I love the feathered creatures ..... no really! I wish I knew how to print off a copy!

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

8 Months Ago

I'm expressing appreciation for your lovely review, not the poem.
I'm not much on token comme.. read more
Great Aunt Astri

7 Months Ago

actually, I meant don't get carried away in praise of my review! I meant, all i was doing was review.. read more
Richard

7 Months Ago

Thank you.
Sometimes we feel guilty about happiness, hear a rippling stream but need dam it perhaps? Seems we punish ourselves needlessly, Thus, shoot down the bird of joy and contentment til it no longer exists. That's my interpretation of your finely displayed words, truly hope it doesn't offend.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

8 Months Ago

Offend?
Gosh, Em!
I don't think you could offend me with your best effort … I just d.. read more
emmajoy

8 Months Ago

I hope tomorrow's dawn brings you light and joy, Richard.. truly do.
Richard

8 Months Ago

Born by your true hope, it is warmly assured.
Who is the hunter saying, "sure?" to? Is it himself so as to come across as sarcastic? Is it a conscious thing you're getting at? Maybe he's answering the "voice in his crown."

I think this is sooo sad, but the rhythm is really good. The happy tone created by the rhythm mixed with the sad theme of the poem created an irony I enjoyed. It reminds me of the self criticizing part of ourselves. The bird represents for me the talent that springs from our being and then the hunter is the critical part of ourselves that can shoot down our inner potential. I'm not into simple poetry all that much, but I like the simplicity of this.

Thanks for sharing! Have a great day! Congratulations on winning the contest.

Posted 11 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Richard

11 Months Ago

Hi, dear poetess! : )
I am so very happy to find you've been here, leaving some of your deli.. read more
whimsical sarcasm and irony do make one laugh a bit ..

rose to the sash
what is the clatter

the damn bird on the fence
this morning has shattered

up with my groggy
shotgun in hand

i blasted that bird
my rest i command ;}

E.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

8 Months Ago

Hey, Gene!
I don't know how I missed one of your reviews, until now, but I like your take and.. read more
Einstein Noodle

8 Months Ago

not very good (my response)..but fun ..
i can see how "The Bird in Me" is a contest winner .... read more
Richard

8 Months Ago

Thank you, My Fine Friend, and a good morning to you! : )
Just the fact that I love birds makes this an awesome write. This can be dissected in many ways one of which self talk cripples and kills. I sure do enjoy reading your poetry.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Hi, again, Brianna!
I enjoy you reading my poetry, as-well. ; )
I definitely do, most.. read more
I wonder why you don't consider this one of your best efforts ... it's certainly one of my favorites by you.

There is beauty in simplicity, and I think you've proven that with this poem. It felt lively at first, but I could certainly feel the sorrow at the end of this piece. I like how you used the "bird and hunter" situation as an analogy for your emotions. The title reflected that very well too. This poem reminded me of "Sympathy" by Paul Laurence Dunbar, although the message/theme is different.

If I may critique, I must say that I stumbled on the word "Bah," mainly because I've never heard that expression before. If I were you, I'd replace it with "Ughh!" which (I think) is more common, but whether you change that or not, this is a brilliant piece.

- William Liston

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

William,
I seldom share poems derived from my real emotion, and I'm thinking for the reasons .. read more
William Liston

1 Year Ago

I was glad to review it, and I understand your point on the "Bah" thing.
Not sure why you are not fond of this one -- I think it has a very sharp, painful, clear message.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Thank you most graciously, KL, for reading and commenting on this poignant little piece.

read more

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Added on June 14, 2015
Last Updated on September 3, 2017

Author

Richard
Richard

TX



About
From the darkness I come to darkness I return, my life but a spark in the night. "MY BLOGS" (click on Blog in the menu above).............................. 1) Reciting Vs Silent Reading 2) On Fre.. more..

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