Lemon Avenue, Flowers and You (softly sad)

Free Verse

Lemon Avenue, Flowers and You

    As I walked along Lemon Avenue,

    I thought of you and love,

    and smelled the sweet scent of flowers in bloom.

    Lee Park, down by Turtle Creek,

    is a lovely place for any free-faring valiant

    to ponder all the voyages of yesterday;

    but, the beauty to me is now ~

    and the closeness of you it seems to bring,

    with its solitude and soft, green grass.

    I watched a cloud and a plane,

    and the leaves became your emerald eyes,

    the wind your golden hair softly caressing my face,

    and the carrier of our gentle embraces.

    Can one love so completely

    as to exchange in a moment,

    the true warmth of a kiss…

    with its irreplaceable memory?

                

    Seclusion from the world is my goal,

    until time and life give its approval of our love.

    I'm so lonesome I could cry sometimes,

    while the world around me

    is bright and glittering.

    I have only to catch a ride

    on a passing laugh,

    but none came my way today.

    Oh, well ...

    there are lots of them around

    ... most anytime.

    It's not that I don't appreciate

    all the nice and beautiful things around me ...

    I cherish them so,

    and they are important.

    It's just that I am so used to

    such a higher realm of happiness

    than the rest of the world has to offer.

    It is the absence of you

    that leaves me lonely and empty now ...

    Until our time comes,

    I'll stroll along Lemon Avenue

    and become lost

    in the sweet scent of flowers,

    and You ~

    "and, I waited for the longest."

    Richard W. Jenkins

                ©2015

                  

            =WINNER=

    Captivating Emotions

               Contest      

Author's Note

Photo compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Constructive critique, comments, and suggestions are always welcome. : )

Reviews

[Ashwin Shanker]

the beauty to me is now...

I simply loved this line. The beauty of it is infinite. Yes, we human beings can be a flowering too. We can be a flowering when awareness completes. We need no women/men, no possessions, no desires. We just need an inner awakening that we need nothing else to be happy. Then our being simply completes itself with the energy that nature provides, then we flower. We flower and we spread the fragrance back to the eternal consciousness.
And when fragrance spread, bees arrive. Love arrives. It simply comes, nobody has to desire for it. No ones has to crave it from another human being.
Let us be a flower that simply attracts but also enriches the beauty of this world, which is suffering from loneliness.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you most gratefully, Ashwin.
Yes, that is a rather embracing line … it's one of my favorites, too.

Your shared spirit is absolutely spellbinding, My Friend.
Namasté ⁓ Richard : )

[terry smith]

A wonderful story of true love everlasting, this reminds me of many real life stories I have heard. Bravo!

[Richard🖌]

Terry I thank you most humbly and appreciatively for your comments and praise of this poignant little piece.
Blessings to you! ⁓ Richard

[JayceeC]

Lemons are such a paradoxical fruit. It flowers in heavy cloying sweetness, the fruit has a sharp, crisp scent, but its sour and sometimes bitter. We can't get enough.

The second strophe stands out to me for two reasons. First, it is the only place in the poem that is really harsh sounding. The alliteration of hard consonants repetition of longer vowel sounds in the first three lines clanks in my ears. Secondly, this stands out because it contains my favorite lines:
"but the beauty to me is now
and the closeness of you it seems to bring"

This to me was the heart of your poem. It brought NOT memories, but a feeling of closeness to your love, a sense of presence, if you will. This is echoed through your descriptions. It's felt through the solitude, or, perhaps, because of it.
If the first half is sweet smell, the second half is the bitter taste. Lonliness and lack of joy from the separation from love. Sadly, if the world must approve, I fear their
time will never come.
O erall this is well-written, thoughtful piece that runs full circle like a path through the park. Every image connects well with the next.
Hope something in this is helpful. Jan

[Richard🖌]

Hey, Jan!
You are the fist reviewer to pick up on the essence in each purposeful nuance of this piece … it's remarkable to me you did, but even more-so that you were able to interpret and explain each with such accuracy, except your first two lines, which had nothing to do with the poem, but are interesting about lemons, nonetheless.
I did find it surprising that you (as a female reviewer) expressed little emotional favor in a more affectionate manner for this poem's content … just an observation.
There was nothing really helpful you offered to improve my skills, but your interpretations are quite on the mark, which are very sincerely gratifying for my earnest efforts to share with readers who can relate and understand.

Thank you most sincerely for that, Jan, and for your time spent reading and reviewing this one for me! ⁓ Richard

[JayceeC]

Richard, sometimes I get caught up in the complexity of the poem, and while the emotional connection is there, it becomes secondary to the WAY created the emotion. As for helpfulness, knowing how a reader connects, and the fact that the reader can interpret the piece as I meant or that it's not clear to him, is helpful to me as a writer. .Not every poem is complex enough to warrant this type of critique. My hat's off to you for inspiring it.

[Richard🖌]

The joys of honest sharing touch my heart and warm my soul ⁓*

[africa]

This is horrible!
What were you thinking!!!!!'nnn n n

[Richard🖌]

I'm assuming you ended with a laugh in a form I'm not familiar with; I suppose this piece could be considered "horrible" by some individuals in the world, too … but, don't know?

Thanks for dropping by, I think! ⁓ Richard

[TinaM201549]

I know Lemon Avenue, the street in Dallas. I' ve been there many times. Loved your poem of it. Looking forward to reading more of your work. Tina

[Richard🖌]

Hello, Dear Tina, Lady-Texan! : )
It is a pleasure to meet you here.
We both know it is Lemmon Avenue (with two m's), but I tired of folk telling me I had "lemon" misspelled … LOL!

Thanks for dropping in … I, too, look forward to more of your reviews and reading your writings, Tina.
Big Texas HUG! ⁓ Richard

[Chris]

a fine piece to pause with and think on over coffee moments and evening breaths.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Chris,
Your brief, but positive, words of encouragement are truly a blessing, coming from a poet of your caliber! ⁓ Richard

[Chris]

I don't blindly compliment... but an author WILL know what I found and what my perception of their content included. Each has their own concept of grammar and its usage - poetry is seldom prose afterall. I don't question word choice - I perceive shades of flow of a whole piece and determine how lines resolve intent ...if they don't THEN I ask or suggest between choices.

People need to be heard ...I listen. I try to understand the voices and help give clarity

[Richard🖌]

Hear-Hear, My Fine Fellow-Poet!
Well spake and understood! I thank you most gratefully and humbly for sharing your insights, intents, and techniques, Chris.

[Chris]

We're learning of each other Richard... tis a fine dance we warlords of whim define and display. Arias whisper through minds' delight and thoughts frame visions of cascading similes and smiles. I like your ways, understand your means... and welcome you freely.

[Richard🖌]

Most humbly and gratefully, I bow ⁓*

[Chris]

aw hell...dance man ...dance! I danced with the men on Rhodes to all the women's joy and aplomb and the memories fueled coffee moments continents wide.

[Richard🖌]

Well, Dear Chris,
I crossed the Equator twice, sailing across the Atlantic to lovely, adventurous shore leaves in Rota, around to Villefranche-sur-Mer, across the Mediterranean to Port Said, through the Suez, down the Red Sea, out across the great Indian Ocean — around to Melbourne, through the Horn of Africa, up the Ivory Coast to Port Lyautey, Morocco, and back across the wide, rolling Atlantic to Roosevelt Roads, landing home in Norfolk, nine-months later, dancing, romancing, falling in and out of love and lust along the way, drinking the best of wines, beers, and rums a lad of twenty-one was capable of appreciating … LOL!
Have I done much since? Not nearly as memorable or impacting, I'll admit, but by golly … I did it!

[Chris]

Rosy Roads!! No-see-ums... Love-it! Norfolk, Little Creek, Vieques, San Juan, Guantanamo... Norway... Lisbon, circling Crete, Istanbul, etc., etc. 151 and add a shot of Southern Comfort... memories all. Got a Blue-Nose too - laughing here. Melted and frozen - seems we - you and I - are a pair.

[J. J. Nightingale]

:)..................................

[Chris]

Hi Jazz... nice of you to pause within our thoughts... things ok down your way?

[J. J. Nightingale]

KINDA SORTA.........THANKS FOR ASKING CHRIS..........:)

[Richard🖌]

Good Sunday to you, Jasmine … thank you for dropping in, and for your introduction to Chris.
Bright blessings! ⁓ Richard

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are welcome Richard............ and Thanks...............:)

[Richard🖌]

It is for certain my pleasure. : )

[MsJewel]

Your words are sad Richard, and yet so beautifully penned. I can feel the love and loss in each gorgeous line.

I have only to catch a ride
on a passing laugh,
but none came my way today....(my favorite line)

I hope smiles and laughter find you today my dear Richard.
Julie

[Richard🖌]

Oh, Julie!
From an artist of your caliber, such praise and understanding truly gratify my humble, but earnest, little efforts, and the lines you selected happen to be among my favorites, too; especially, the last one.
Those smiles and laughter of your hope finally arrived. ; )

Thank you, Lovely Julie! ⁓ Richard

[Roland Petrov]

Very beautiful, and what a lovely pic. I like how You is not defined, so the reader can insert someone or some idea that is important to him or her.

[Richard🖌]

Ah, Roland!
I am so glad you picked-up on that wee tease I tried to slyly slip in, and wonder if anyone else will pick up on it.
I dunno, you're quite alert to most of my whims, and see through my motives, and it makes me feel my efforts are not wasted when a poet relates to one of my pieces the way you seem do, and I really like that picture, too.

Thank you sincerely for a great review, My Friend, and such a nice compliment! ⁓ Richard

[Annie Gryphon]

This is so bittersweet, dear Richard, and the word "Lemon" fits so well and frames your poem very nice. In the atmosphere of sweet juicy overflow comes that sad feeling of loss, that is very touching. And i love the word "emerald", it is much more shimmering as just green or blue. Thank you for sharing!

[Richard🖌]

Annie,
My most grateful thanks to you, M'Lady, for blessing this lovely little poem with your presence and the wondrously tender touch of feminine beauty so enthralling to a hopeful bard's senses.
I like you words as much as I do the poem, Annie. : )

Warmest smiles 'n hugs to you! ⁓ Richard

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This is such a sad but intrinsically beautiful love poem Richard. You capture romance and weave it with the loneliness and pain of loss and all its brutality; and say it in the whispered and delicate tones of nature and its sights and smells.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you ever-so sincerely, John, for your understanding, praise, and enjoyment of this tender little piece.
If there is anyone I more enjoy sharing my efforts with than you, I do not know who it is, because you always seem to grasp my intent(s), to appreciate, and enjoy whatever my efforts are. This so brightly inspires, encourages, and gratifies me, such that I want to keep trying to improve my modest skills.

Bless you, My Friend, and the the wonderment of your day! ⁓ Richard