Cold Bright Whiteness (innocence lost)

Unmetered Rhyming Couplets (formerly Unmetered Quatrains) in honor of Einstein Noodles' love of flowers.

Cold Bright Whiteness

What soul's naïve appearance shall awaken dark dormant me, 
and tread the road that leads where innocence should never be. 

Far into those mountains crowned by winter snows anew, 
there upon the hillside steep a solitary flower grew. 

From all my darkest moments, alas, I'd learned so very well, 
the flower would be gone with Winter's first hard freezing spell. 

Like death that rattles its bleached and brittle bones, 
all that was ever mine and lost, is what some other person loans … 

and, as the candlelight fades in its last drawn flick of gold … 
in contemplation, I've learned why when it's dark it seems so cold.

Like a beaten, worn-out mallet the cobbler's hands once warmed, 
I’ve lain upon this oft-used bed where foreboding loves were formed. 

So, come grace this bed, beautiful flower; as the sun, I'll warm your hand … 
then, wilt you with my "Cold Bright Whiteness", like snow and ice upon the land.


Richard W. Jenkins
©2015

Author's Note

Picture, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Constructive critique is always welcome. : )

Reviews

[Mirror]

When i read your description in honor of Einstein Noodles, I felt the love.
Unmetered Rhyming Couplets (formerly Unmetered Quatrains) returned me back to my books!!!

Well done!

Beauty. Death. Innocence. compassion. Hope. Above all, "From all my darkest moments, alas, I'd learned so very well," Enlightenment!

[Richard🖌]

Many thanks, Mirror, for sharing your insights, praise, and sentiments of this rather poignant piece.

Blessings! ⁓ Richard : )

[aine]

This is downright beautiful.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you so much, Aine! : )

[Einstein Noodle]

oh the knave! ... a father's worst nightmare ... when my daughters would say "...but you scare him Dad!" i reply even today "...they are supposed to be scared of me...i'm your Dad." ;) it is just me but i think this poem might read more smoothly out of the confines of quatrains ... i wonder when writing it if you considered exploding them out a bit ;)
E.
ps "all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … " deep and spiritual truth says i ... i really had to stop there and think about its application to this dark persona arising to snatch away the last flower and freeze it ...for crying out loud Richard ..you picked the flower and froze it ...yikes! ;))

[Richard🖌]

Yes, Gene,
We boys always were, and always will be, the bane to a father's peace of mind when it comes to dad's daughters, because (once being boys) we know what they're all about … he-he!
How about in Rhyming Couplets form?

Cold Bright Whiteness

What soul's naïve appearance shall awaken dark dormant me,
and tread the road that leads where innocence should never be.

Far into those mountains crowned by winter snows anew,
there upon the hillside steep a solitary flower grew.

From all my darkest moments, alas, I'd learned so very well,
the flower would be gone with the first hard freezing spell.

Like death that rattles its bleached and brittle bones,
all that was ever mine and lost is what some other person loans …

and, as the candlelight fades in its last drawn flick of gold,
in contemplation I've learned why when it is dark it seems so cold.

Like a beaten, worn-out mallet the cobbler's hands once warmed,
I’ve lain upon this oft used bed where foreboding loves were formed.

So, come grace this bed, beautiful flower; as the sun, I'll warm your hand …
then, wilt you with my "Cold Bright Whiteness" like snow and ice upon the land.


Richard W. Jenkins
©2015

All the aside metaphorical inferences that seem to serve no purpose are subliminal in nature, about setting mood, and drawing one's reader into the moment, and need have no other purpose than to catch and keep the reader's attention along the way in a captivating manner, allowing a reflective effect to contemplate, but each ties-in, too, to the overall premise and nuance of the piece: Old, dark, used, worn, dormant, brittle bones, worn-out, foreboding … sometimes, to grasp the essence of a piece, it is incumbent upon the reader to embrace the spirit its entirety as presented, rather than breaking down its intricacies into rational segments, as the more logical, in comparison to the more artistically open mind might tend to do.
I know I've done this so many times I have to slap my head and resist trying to rationalize a piece before I can completely appreciate its excellence,and this I never blame on the author … because, I know its due to one of my idiosyncrasies.
I am NOT implying here that you are like me in this sense, only that you always get my gray-matter stirred … LOL!

Thanks, My Ever Interesting Friend, for another excellent, thought-provoking review! ⁓ Richard : )

PS: Sorry about that flower! ; )

[Einstein Noodle]

i find the couplets smoother in flow ... probably just me ..and you are correct as i pause on those two lines ...trying to fit them in ..but for me when that happens i take more of the poem with me when i turn the page ... and the overall effect is not harmed in any way from my standpoint ..the contrast of those lines pauses me and the depth of meaning in life brings mediation on something true ... thank you so much for sharing with me here Richard ...
i guess i in honesty must express my own contrition for "flowers" ;}

[Richard🖌]

Yes, Gene,
it is sad the way innocent flowers are treated, without an iota of remorse or conscience … still, it is a part of real life, too, despite however much we made hold disdain in it, eh?
I'm changing the presentation to Unmetered Rhyming Couplets, in honor of You and your passionate love of "flowers". ; )

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahaha ..i am honored beyond the stars sir! ;) you are much too kind

[Great Aunt Astri]

Your poem is full of pathos. That 'dark dormant you' seems to have been shattered by the ' what some other person loans.' Now can the rejected lover only wilt the flower? One is left hoping that the 'Cold Bright Whiteness' will warm up a bit. As usual, your poem is beautifully written.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Astri, for such an insightful review for this piteously sad piece dedicated to the thoughtless deflowering of an innocent by one so cold and uncaring, yet, who's revealed their intent beforehand.

I love your reviews … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard : )

[Ardra]

all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans …

these lines somehow resonated with me...
mmm so true richard :)

[Richard🖌]

I agree, Ria,
So true, that we tend to have a way of forgetting most all we know comes from some source outside of ourselves, from those who've been there, done that before us.
Very insightful of you, using those two lines to me know we've connected … I love it!

Smiles 'n hugs, M'Lady! ⁓ Richard : )

[Susan 🦋]

This is quite an interesting write! I've had to read in several times. For some reason, I am feeling jealousy?
temptation?..no bitterness..interesting how you used a flower as a 'innocent."This little flower seemingly oblivious to the harsh conditions around it and drawn to to sun. Yet, that sun that is to nurture that little flower..very cleverly wilts "her"...with that cold white brightness. You know what this reminds me of? The Spider and the Fly by Mary Howitt...I really enjoyed this...it has me thinking on every word.

[Richard🖌]

Susan,
What an excellent review to this piece in homage to the cold deflowering of an innocent, and what a great and apt comparison you've made in Mary Howitt's classical poetic tale … a lesson for one to follow their instincts, rather than enticing words to their own demise.
I love how you feel, understand, and express the deeper aspects of my humble poetry pieces, Susan.

Thank you ever-so warmly for reading, and for letting me know we've connected so nicely … most grateful hugs to you, Dear Lady-Poet! ⁓ Richard : )

[Tracey~]

"Like death that rattles
its bleached and brittle bones,
all that was ever mine and lost
is what some other person loans … "

I love this as a whole but those lines sunk in deep. You're a very gifted writer. Your description timeless..

[Richard🖌]

Warmest, most grateful thanks, Tracey!
Your words of praise and expressed appreciation for those impacting lines let me know how deeply we've connected, and what better could a hopeful bard hope for than that … hugs to you, Dear Poetess! ⁓ Richard : )

[lightsong]

I've wrote a VERY long review to this but don't ask me where it has gone?! so I will try to gather the thoughts and hope I will not miss any important one, and You know, we might see something new in each new read.

I see this as an "absolute" deeply manly poem, harsh in appearance, but behind lays a wounded faithful and loving man, keep on putting the mask of "being OK", when tears stuck inside like rivers, hiding behind that strong face, refuse to fall, because he is strong, and he is a man, the strength that life has forced You to be alike, but never with regrets, it made You whom You are, in loneliness, in isolation, when You are all alone memories fold, a once lost love controls the emotions, the heart, the mind, the aching that during each night slowly grows becoming unbearable, imagination soars to find the solace and try to heal what can be healed…

I see the flower as three themes, the lost love who has hurt You, those women whom You've met in life too, and also… the divine innocence, that can't betray, hurt or give pain and heartache, an Angel, that woman You imagine, create, need and want, someone whom You can trust completely, to bloom with You, and also to wither with You, to feel Your happiness and so Your pain, to wait for You, to be patient until You heal... an essence of genuine pureness.

A piece filled with tough heartaches, a sore soul struggling through the hard trails, paving the road with that spark of hope that is becoming more brighter inside the heart, glowing over the mountain, over the pure whiteness...

I feel a cowboy's spirit.
A very special manly poem.

[Richard🖌]

I am so very sorry to know you lost your caring review, GH,
But, it is a thrill to receive these wonderfully enthralling, insightful, lovely, and knowing words, herein, from your amazingly aware and feeling depths.
I think it would quite unlikely anyone could grasp and interpret this poem anymore precisely accurate, on all levels, than You have.
it is for the reward of such reviews as yours, I share my humble pieces.
You touch an olde bard in so many meaningful ways.

Thank you ever-so warmly and sincerely, Dear GH … hugs to you! ⁓ Richard : )

[George Coombs]

Beautifully written Richard, the image of the flower allows the poem to "work" for me as flowers can be subject to all kinds of intemperent weather and circumstances yet still retain innocence and beauty, for me the concluding verse sort of 'sums up' bringing the strands of this celebration of love together so very well

[Richard🖌]

Hi, George!
Well, seems the site was up to its tricks when you gifted me this fine review, by failing to tell me about it, but how wonderful to find it now, like a glittering gold nugget panned from the crystal clear river.
You always read in-between the lines to find the core essence of my work, and this one is no different in that sense, letting me again know how uniquely and deeply we've connected, and your gracious praise is like cinnamon and sugar atop a buttery apple pie.

Thank you, My Fine, Accomplished Friend! ⁓ Richard : )

[George Coombs]

Your welcome Richard