The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

The River, the Clouds, and Us.... (longing)

A Poem by Richard
"

Free Verse

"
The River, the Clouds, and Us....
I found a place to sit in solitude,
hoping to hear
what the moment held.

I listened....
imagining stories the river could tell
of its journeys through canyons,
how it overcame every obstacle
life, time, and Nature had set before it,
either going over, around, or under it
to flow right here to be with me.

Somewhere along the way …
my focus changed
as I watched the gray clouds building,
bullying the white ones into submission,
their thunderous voices rising....
until it's clear who the victor would be.

I sat in rain for hours,
thinking about how much
you are like those clouds at times,
angry, petulant....
ready to dampen everything
at the slightest provocation;

then, there's me … I'm like the river,
soaking you in, feeding on you,
determined to face any challenge
to get back to the sea....

where summer sun will heat me,
and I’ll rise up into your arms
until you tire of me again,
letting me fall back to earth.... 
the way you always do.



Richard W. Jenkins
           ©
2016

© 2017 Richard



Author's Note

Richard
Picture: compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

Something set me into a wispy, dreamlike, drifting-off mood.

Please, feel free to offer critique, or anything you feel will help improve this piece! : )

My Review

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Featured Review

I love the cloudy images -- that stanza in particular is striking. The feeling of falling in love with a moody person, and the speaker is the calm anchor ...

one minor thing, I am sure it is just a typo or pesky auto-correct, but its journey does not require an apostrophe, unless there is something in that sentence I am missing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

That you've again blessed one of my pieces, KL … how very happy this makes me feel!
Then, t.. read more



Reviews

I like this poem; it was, as your author's note would suggest "wispy" and "dreamlike." It was like I felt myself become more and more weary with each word, just relaxing letting the poem take its course. I like it when a poem creates that effect. Your fine choice in the visual presentation really helped to enhance the poem's mood too.

If I may critique, I felt like the "I listened" in the first line of the second stanza was unnecessary because you had already stated that you were "listening" in the first stanza. I would've written the first line as follows: ...imagining. I don't think that would be grammatically correct, but I think it would create the effect a lot better.

Other than that, there's nothing else I can say. Nice job.

-William Liston



Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Splendid review, William, as you are apt to gift … deep and articulate enough to be able to! : )<.. read more
William Liston

1 Year Ago

I liked the way you reworded it. I like how you used the purpose of my suggestion without actually u.. read more
Richard

1 Year Ago

You suggested "imagining", but it was already in the second verse, so we'd have been back where we s.. read more
Amazing use of words and thoughts Richard.
"then, there's me … I'm like the river,
soaking you in, feeding on you,
determined to face any challenge
to get back to the sea...."
I liked and I understood the above lines. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Nice passage you've singled-out, John … one of my favorites in this piece, too
How happy an.. read more
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

You did very well and you are welcome.
I did find this poem quite peaceful and wonderful! Although I had a hard time reading the words because it is light, but I guess it adds to the dreamlike state to the poem because the wispy smoke is also silver.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Richard

1 Year Ago

Hi, GG!

I darkened the font a bit for you … hope it helps.
You are right, th.. read more
GalaxyGhost

1 Year Ago

You are so welcome! I honestly love your style of writing as you are one of my favorite writers here.. read more
Richard

1 Year Ago

"BLUSH!"⁓*
This is a Masterfully penned piece of work Sir.

The tender, sad, yet beautiful words that you have shared takes the reader by the hand and leads them to sit next to you by the River allowing us to soak in the anguish you were feeling at the time of this writing. It tells of the reality in life that many of us can relate to.

A brilliant piece of Poetry - both in writing & presentation.

Wishing the best of days to you Sir. 🌺 Angel🙏


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Angelheart1

1 Year Ago

I did not mind the rain at all for I was wrapped in the warmth of your luscious words Sir. I truly .. read more
Richard

1 Year Ago

"Sighhh!"⁓*
Angelheart1

1 Year Ago

Even your "sighhh" is beautifully shared and presented! 😇

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Added on June 29, 2016
Last Updated on June 5, 2017

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Richard
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