I Prayed (war's sorrow)

English [Shakespearean] Sonnet

I Prayed

Oft times, now early waking hours bring
a wonderland that soothes the aching soul.
Soft tunes that only wondrous birds can sing,
once fell on deafened ears that now hear whole.

Above dark ramparts high bursts flak and shell;
a din that seemed to drown eternity,
where every moment spent was living hell,
all in the name of keeping good men free.

John lost a leg and Stan his eyes and toes;
a mine exploded as they crossed the road.
The cost of freedom, only heaven knows;
no mortal man can tally-up the load.

I prayed for peace and raptures of the heart;
that’s why each day life gifts a fresh, new start.



Richard W. Jenkins
©2016

Honorable Mention

Fallen Soldier poetry Contest

Author's Note

Painting, compliments of Wikimedia Commons.

All suggestions and critique offered to improve my skills are gratefully welcomed and appreciated! : )

Reviews

[Hayley]

This is a very cinematic poem. My first thought was of the video of Pink Floyd's "The Thin Ice" as seen in the film version of The Wall (1982). It also reminded me very much of the robotnik short story that we were talking about earlier. Thank you for a thought-provoking read.

[Richard🖌]

You've made a truly apt analogy, Hayley,
Comparing this remorseful work to those you've chosen.
Yes, how keen of you, too, to tie this warrior and those others in dire straits together with such a warrior as Motl. … very good, indeed!

Brilliant review, Dear Poetess … thank you sincerely! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[George Coombs]

Powerful and focused poem on war and its agonising uncertainties-I was especially struck by the two lines beginning "The cost of freedom..."I wondered Richard about the last two lines and I wonder about taking out the words "brand new" and put in "fresh"?

[Richard🖌]

G'Day, George! : )
I am especially pleased to see you, and definitely to receive another of your thoughtful reviews.
Yes, My Friend, this (to me) is a sad poem, but one of an untold number written by the dark inspirations of war.
I, too, very much favor the two lines you've featured … they may well be the essence of this work.
As a Sonnet, there is an iambic pentameter requirement that must be met in each line; therefore, the word "fresh" will not suffice to replace "brand new", but the words "fresh, new" might fit nicely … what say ye?

Fondest regards, George, and a warm thank you for sharing this one with me! ⁓ Richard

[George Coombs]

Thankyou Richard and yes "fresh new2 would fit well I think-RegardsGeorge

[Richard🖌]

Then, it's a done deal! : )

[Lyn Anderson]

This sonnet is well worth the read, demonstrating that a sonnet can be both contemporary and emotional in one. It has a matter of fact feel that is understandable to all, and in it, a heart that feels for the soldiers that fight and day for their countries in war.

[Richard🖌]

Thank you so much, KL!

Your words genuinely touched me and gratified my efforts to compose and share this poem for those whom are able to appreciate and enjoy it in the meaningful ways you profess and recognize.

You swell my heart! ⁓ Richard

[Kaya]

You write so eloquently. This grasps something I can't even begin to understand from the outside, but still moves me so deeply and fills me with such gratitude, respect and love for the people that do understand. I am so so moved by this, thank you so much for sharing it.

[Richard🖌]

Bless you with many smiles, Kaya! : )

I think I understand your expressed feeling and emotion in a genuine way, and you are so very welcome for my sharing.

Thank you, too, with much warmth and sincerest gratitude! ⁓ Richard

[Sheila Kline]

My dear father, now resting in eternity was one who heard these sounds, endured the horror and tragedy of warfare and yet he was ever proud to have served his country for the 20 years of service he so willingly gave. The image reminds me of him being snowed in during The Battle of The Bulge, his feet freezing, as so many others also suffered, but most of all only one among the troops hedged in, waiting and waiting and praying, praying and praying for relief! He always believed that it was by the divine grace of our Heavenly Father that he was saved as he saw so many others die. His Band of Brothers stood as a brotherhood, fighting for our country, for those loved at home, for survival! Your words cut deep to this reader as it makes me swell with pride for my precious father-my hero!

Thank you for sharing such poignant words during this time of reminder of the freedoms we have this day! You have served your country with honor my friend!

[Richard🖌]

I proudly, reverently, and gratefully salute your amazingly brave father, Sheila … I know you must have been proud of him, how he served country and family, and of the outstanding man he was.

Thank you so very warmly for your beautifully moving words of thanks and inspiration, Sheila, and certainly for your gifting them so thoughtfully! ⁓ Richard

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful piece of work my friend.
"The cost of freedom, only heaven knows;
no mortal man can tally-up the load.
I prayed for peace and raptures of the heart;
that’s why each day life gifts a brand new start."
The above lines my daily prayer for friend loss to war and for me to keep going forward. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Richard🖌]

Thank you sincerely, John!

The lines you've selected to quote are particularly touching for their emotional and inspirational value, and I appreciate you paying them homage and recognition.

Your humbly praise and inspiring assurance more than gratify my efforts, My Friend! ⁓ Richard

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Richard. I have always enjoyed your work.

[Renée]

I can imagine writing this sonnet was draining, weaving..harsh reality of war into something palatable. I appreciate, that you do not leave your readers in despair, but close with hope..
Lovely work, Mr. Jenkins... Peace

[Richard🖌]

Peace unto thee, too, Dear Lady Renée,
From the topic alone, one could certainly imagine such a piece being emotionally binding on the senses, but for some reason it, surprisingly, had the opposite effect I would have expected … it soothed with a great sense of calm and gratitude for that which we all are fortunate to benefit by, from every soldier's, sailor's, marine's, and air corp's service to their family's and country's freedom around the world … such a price paid, how could I not feel blessed and privileged … at peace?
Surely, war is terrific to and horrific to endure, but think of where we would all now be if not for our brave military protecting, our homes, our freedoms, our very lives.
I served, and am proud of every moment, and I would want every person whom I served to feel the same of mine and my comrades' sacrifices.
Yes, what would be the point if it all meant we were left without "hope" for a better world for all.

I thank you most humbly and gratefully, M'Lady, for selecting this meaningful little poem, for your understanding commnets, and for your rewarding and inspiring praise … warmest hugs 'n brightest blessings to You! ⁓ Richard

[Renée]

I can also see, where, writing this poem would bring you comfort. There are times, I have read pieces where poets don't leave any hope, I too think it is important, for the same reason.
Richard,
Thank You for serving, ( :

[Richard🖌]

I humbly bow!

[J. J. Nightingale]

Gratitude expressed .. and there is love, inside each thought of Peace....

Wonderful !

Jazzy..

[Richard🖌]

Thank you, Dear Jasmine, ever-so warmly and sincerely!
You know how much I cherish your reading and reviewing my humble little efforts.
That you've deemed this piece "wonderful" and gifted your lovely and meaningful thoughts is joy, praise, and reward I am ever-so grateful to receive from such an amazing poetess … again, thank you sincerely … hugs! ⁓ Richard

[J. J. Nightingale]

YOU ARE MOST WELCOME SIR...... :).....................JAZZY